Attitude and Politics in Mauritius

I am writing this blog post, further to a recent experience that I have had during the week. The experience was disagreeable, and it took me a lot of time to accept and to understand the why and how behind what happened to me.

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A couple of days ago, I had an argument with a friend of mine, further to a series of useless disagreements, for which I was the only culprit. I had a lot of difficulties at first to accept whatever my friend proposed to me, and to be honest, I didn’t act positively. Instead of taking my time to accept what my friend recommended me, I was boiling deep inside myself, since I had the impression to have been violated in my own ideas, whereas in reality my friend had some reasons for disagreeing with me. Also, instead of reacting positively and constructively as per my friend’s choices, I let the negative attitude enveloping me, and I reacted by writing an email with a lot of rubbish and nonsense arguments where I explained to my friend why I disagreed with him and why I wanted to remain on my own position.

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My friend read my email and was very unhappy about what I wrote. He frankly told me that he didn’t appreciate my email at all and warned me that if I keep on having a negative attitude, I will retrieve myself with a lot of doors closed and people getting away from me. This is unfortunately the kind of reproach that I keep on having all the time from my husband even in my daily life, and unfortunately the bad example that I obtained from my parents during all my childhood. We always say that example comes from the top, don’t we? I was raised in a big house, with chauffeur, maids, gardeners and almost never experienced travelling by bus, except when I started university and when I started working and having my financial independence. Moreover, my parents unfortunately were always capricious, however it would be my mother or my father. They were proud, arrogant, megalomaniac and were sore losers each time they were wrong, since they never wanted to accept their faults nor their mistakes and always wanted to be right all the time. They were also of bad faith when they refused to face the reality of life or anything unexpected. Unfortunately, not only they were like that, but they also brought me up to become like that. That was why I never had friends at school and repulsing a lot of people around me for years, since I was adopting a very bad attitude wherever I was going, and even brought a lot of bad luck around me because of that bad attitude.

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Even after marriage, unfortunately I kept on having that bad attitude, and it shut so many doors around me, starting with society and opportunities to have a social life and a good career. I always tended to be negative and to put all the wrongs on other people when they disagreed with me or were against me. I never understood how my husband, who was much more mature than me and wiser than me, could remain silent and indifferent when there were some people barking against him, however it could be at work, in society, in his family background or anywhere else. For my part, I admit I am still the one who talks louder, who barks louder than my adversary, who always wants to be right and who always fights with a lot of sound instead of being a silent warrior. I admit that when it comes on attitude, I still need a lot to learn about it and to work extremely hard when it comes on having a good attitude.

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However, just after my friend put me back in the right place, it was as if I received an electroshock on me, and I suddenly realized that I was completely wrong and that I have talked a lot of rubbish for nothing, and that all that mess could have been avoided if, instead of barking my frustration in that email, I either asked my friend questions if I doubted about something I don’t understand, or take more time to calm down and to find out the answers to the unasked questions that were floating in my mind regarding my friend’s opinion. Only God knows the numerous times that I approached my friend, either by email or on WhatsApp to apologize, to recognize the mistake of my words and especially of my thoughts and to agree with what he proposed to me. I am feeling very bad that I realized my mistake unfortunately too late and that I let the shot going. Unfortunately, this is in that kind of school that I have been raised because of my parents and I passively repeated the same bad attitude in my new family each time that I disagree with my husband especially when I am wrong! Even my young son disagrees with me and always begs me to stop creating so much havoc in the house, since he cannot stand the both of us fighting uselessly, and he is right.

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Like I mentioned as a comment of a video published by a local celebrity of my country, there is no age to be a good leader. These were only words, but unfortunately I was unable to put those same words in practice when it came about my own life. When I think about the way I was raised by my parents, I came on a conclusion that is unfortunately true: Example doesn’t always come from the top, sometimes it should also come from the bottom. The top represents our elders and all the ones who are still governing the country, whereas the bottom represents the Mauritian youth of today and of tomorrow. I still remember a quote that someone wrote on all his social platforms where he mentioned “Behave yourselves, Politicians. The Youth are watching”. If the governance is good, definitely the society will be good, but if the governance is bad, the society will be bad. There will be so many blind followers who will passively have the same negative attitude as their governors, and very few will have the courage and the guts to rebel and show their rights to fight against the governors’ mistakes, under pain of masquerading as the bad ones. And if the government will act as dictators towards its people, in case one of its people dares acting against the government, instead of being considered as a hero, he or she will be the biggest villain for the government, which won’t hesitate to blacken their opponent’s bravery for naming and shaming their bad actions. All this, because those who are on the top show a very negative attitude towards their people, and also in such circumstances, their will be a few courageous souls who will have the courage to dispatch themselves from the government’s oppression on them and create their own journey to positive attitude to inspire other people.

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When I left Mauritius for a new life overseas, unfortunately I didn’t leave Mauritius with a positive image of the country. My husband and I returned from Madagascar after we spent more than 4 years of expatriation there, and we have been staying back in Mauritius for more than 3 years, which gave us the time to have a child and to have our new house. However, during that period, it was incredible how the mores in Mauritius degraded so much, despite the economic boom in the country! Each time that we were opening the newspapers, there were only murders, crimes, sexual assaults, drug deals, corruption, social insecurity, poverty, etc. These were things that I never experienced before when I was still residing in Mauritius before marriage. During that period, Mauritius was a true paradise where it was so good to live and where every citizen was feeling at home. There was respect for elders, safety everywhere, family spirit, good neighborhood and socialization, good mores, economic boom, education for everyone and especially simplicity of life. But all those good things existed under a good governance, which unfortunately degraded through the years and through changes of governance, including at its head so many members with controversial historical facts, which were published in our local newspapers, and which unfortunately inspired the Mauritians, especially the young generation, to follow that sad example they were showing, or to passively remain the silent and hopeless spectators of those controversial people’s destructive and shameful actions.

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In a more private environment, out of politics, example also is shown by our elders, by our bosses in the company we work for, by our teachers who educate our children, by the religious representatives who proclaim the Holy Word as per the religion they preach, etc. If our elders are leading a bad life without good principles, how do they want their children to become good future family members and inculcate the good values to their children as soon as they will turn adults? If our teachers misbehave, abuse on the pupils and don’t teach our kids properly the good things of education, how will our children have their degrees and diplomas as their passports for university and for having either a good job or creating their own business?

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Also, does the example really come from the top? Cannot it come also from the bottom? It can come from the bottom, but what is sad is that very few people believe in the power of youth and always underestimate the youth as the ones who don’t know anything, whereas elders overestimate themselves because of their age and the experience that they had in their lives. Someone once told me that age was just a number, and that the true age doesn’t depend on the number of physical years that you have, nor on the number of experiences that life challenges you, but on the lessons that you learn from your experiences of the past, and which bring you more maturity and wisdom. More and more youngsters are already gaining into experience, especially for those who do their personal construction themselves, since they see a lot of things that our elders aren’t able to see and that people of bad faith refuse to see. So why don’t we trust our youth too? Don’t they have their words to say? Why then do we underestimate the fact that the truth comes from children’s mouths then? Do we think that because we are older than our children, we detain all the keys to knowledge?

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Based on today’s educational level, I am very happy to notice that more and more schools overseas are adopting the fact that each child is unique. For my part, I am very satisfied that my son has the privilege to be considered as a unique child according to the education he is receiving actually in his school, like it’s the case for other children. As someone also once told me, life is a celebration and not a competition. I wish one day, in Mauritius, all schools start adapting that attitude, since it’s incredible how in all government schools, in work environment and social mores, the competition spirit is so ferocious! And how other children and adults always want to copy on others just for competing and being better than them and due to pure jealousy. A friend once told me that jealousy and competition are from the minds of the fool, since unfortunately a lot of people refuse to understand that happiness doesn’t knock at everyone’s door at the same time, and doesn’t appear in front of everyone’s door in the same shape. I love a quote that a friend of mine once shared with me, saying “Happiness is like a butterfly: The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you start thinking about other things, it comes and softly sits upon your shoulder.” And the best key to happiness is to stop teaching competition and jealousy to our children when they are born, because they never take birth with that spirit, and shouldn’t let society influencing them to cultivate those two happiness and prosperity killers.

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ADHD… My daily struggle… My reason of fighting for success!

Hello everyone,

First of all I sincerely apologize for having been absent for such a long moment. I know that it’s been so many months that I haven’t written anything. And what is funny is that I didn’t lack inspiration at all. I had so many ideas, so many interesting subjects to develop and on which I had so much to write and to do researches about. I had discovered so many interesting articles through all my social platforms, through my husband’s Facebook account and through Internet research. I also had a lot of constructive conversations with some of my regular pals and relatives on which I wanted to get inspired to write things. I also found inspiration through some interesting personalities I have had the opportunity to discover via the web and via my social platforms. However, as crazy as it could sound, I haven’t written at all for months. It had nothing to do with the fact that I had a lot of responsibilities to achieve with my family, such as my son’s welfare and education, his scholarship, the time I have to spend with the house chores, cooking and with my family, the holiday plannings we had to go through during my son’s summer holidays, etc. I could very well, in a normal situation, afford all those situations perfectly and find time for myself to keep on completing my blog. But it wasn’t, and to be honest, it’s still not being the case. A couple of weeks later I came to discover that something was wrong with me and that it was time for me to reveal today the dark secret that represents a dangerous boundary to my writing skills and my capacities of using my personal skills, as well for my writing as for my daily responsibilities. And what is crazy is that I didn’t even need to look for a specialist to proceed with an assessment about my actual situation. Some online assessments were more than enough to reveal that dark secret of my personality. I hesitated a lot about revealing it publicly for a very long time. But this morning I had the courage to break the bundles and that heavy silence to reveal it once for all, because I have passed through very tough moments of mental breakdowns and even felt very depressive at times because of that. I also decided today to reveal it openly, because I came to understand that this could be an explanation to my actual situation, and I decided through my projects not to make of it anymore an excuse for letting it go, but as a challenge for myself to recover and to prove to myself and to the whole world that I am stronger than I think and that I can destroy that dark secret since I already have the necessary weapons with me to destroy it. That dark secret is that I suffer from a mental disorder, which I came to discover unfortunately very late in my life, but which started developing through my first years between the middle of my teenage years and the beginning of my adulthood years when I left secondary school, and on which I took conscience of its existence too late and only a couple of months ago: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, shortly known as ADHD.

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I downloaded an application on my mobile from Google Play, “Aware”, which contains a series of questionnaires about several types of mental disorders that medically exist. I answered to all of them, but what was crazy was that despite the results that I obtained in percentage, the explanations that I obtained through deeper researches didn’t match at all with the results I obtained, since I didn’t recognize myself in any of those mental disorders though I admit I had some symptoms of them. However, only the researches that I made on ADHD perfectly matched with my personal problem. To start, here is the first definition I obtained from that application on my mental situation: ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is a medical condition that affects how well someone can sit still, focus and pay attention. People with ADHD have differences in the parts of their brains that control attention and activity. This means that they may have trouble focusing on some tasks and subjects.

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ADHD was and still is unfortunately the cause behind a series of so many fights that I have had with my husband because of my indiscipline behavior which is actually endangering my marital life and even the example that I am giving to our own child, who is actually suffering with Autism Spectrum Disorder. All started on a specific evening, during which I had a big fight with my husband because we came back home very late from the swimming pool, my son and me, and my husband was very angry at me for not having properly managed the time that I would let my son going to the swimming pool. I tried to keep calm and to reassure him that I was sorry and that I would be more careful next time, whereas in the contrary, I am used to scream a lot and to create a lot of havoc each time that my husband disagrees with me, whether he may be right or wrong. Instead of calming down, my husband continued again and again making moral lessons to me, all this because according to him, he noticed that all the time I repeat that I will be careful, but afterwards, I do all the contrary and I don’t manage my time properly. Another thing on which I am extremely terrified with my husband is that I don’t know whether I should tell him yes and obey, or say no and walk as per my own way. If I say yes, I very often tend to do all the contrary of what he expects from me, because I say yes either because I am afraid of his reactions, or only so that my husband would leave me alone. And if I say no, instead of appreciating my honesty, my husband keeps on being angry after me, and because of that, I don’t know even what to do and I am feeling completely lost. This is what I told him on that famous evening, but he refused to understand, and at a moment, fearing a violent reaction from me again, he went out with our son until things would calm down, leaving me alone with my own thoughts.

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I was having dinner, but my mind was completely absent though I was physically there. I could hear a soft voice talking to me in my mind. That gentle voice sounded like a female voice, which was as kind, soft and sweet as an angel’s voice. This voice was reassuring me that, compared to 12 years ago when I just got married, I have made a lot of progresses in life, since I am now able to manage the household, the house chores, my involvement into my child’s education including his extra activities and socialization, cooking good food, writing lots of strong material, cultivating myself etc. However, that voice confirmed that there was a big mental disorder within me and that I had to urgently follow a therapy, because it was a disorder which was unfortunately disturbing a lot of things within me and badly disturbing the marital relationship I cultivate with my husband since 12 years and with my child since 6 years.

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A couple of years ago, when I still had a Facebook account, there was a Moroccan pal on my Facebook list who mentioned to me that she was suffering with ADHD. I didn’t really pay attention to her disease and thought that it didn’t concern me. But when I did some researches about that disorder, even though I started having some doubts a couple of months ago that I could be concerned about ADHD too, almost all the symptoms which were described in that disorder confirmed exactly what I feared… And yes, the results of my researches proved them all: I have ADHD and at a quite high level as it covers almost all the symptoms that I actually am suffering from!

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When my husband and my son came home, I burst in tears and I mentioned to them the nature of my problem, which was something that I suspected suffering from since a couple of months, but for which I didn’t really pay attention. Either I didn’t want to accept that I had the problem, or I accepted that I had the problem but I feared any negative reaction from my husband, especially misunderstanding. And effectively, my husband refused to believe me and I begged him to pay attention to the symptoms, through some articles that I have shared with him, and which I hope he will find time to read during his day. Today unfortunately, my husband still ignores the symptoms since he didn’t have time to consult the articles that I shared with him, and which make that I need to talk about my symptoms with him myself. However he believes in me now that he knows that I am really suffering but unfortunately he cannot do anything for me. The trouble also is that here, the treatments are very expensive and are not covered by the insurance, which makes that I need to deal with it on my own.

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Here are the difficulties I face everyday and which represent signs that I have ADHD, and which are within my personality:

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Follow directions: I agree because I have a very weak sense of orientation wherever I go and I get easily lost, especially in big spaces like big shopping malls. One day in South Africa, while I was on holidays with my folks and my husband, and some other days in shopping malls here, I got lost since I don’t have the sense of orientation. But the latest episode was the worst one! On that day I was mentally very down after my husband and I got extremely angry against our young son, who misbehaved a lot on that day at the shopping mall. We stopped at a cafe for a hot drink before going back to our car with our shopping bags, but at a moment my husband asked my son to come with him until I would finish my hot drink. I saw them going away, but I cannot understand what could have happened in my mind on that day, since I didn’t even pay attention wherever they were going. I was no more sure if they were going to the parking or somewhere else and I retrieved myself in a big moment of confusion and total loss. The worst was that I didn’t have any communication facility with me since my mobile battery was completely down, as I forgot to recharge it before leaving the house. At a moment my husband and my son were totally out of sight and the first thing that came out of my mind was that maybe they were on their way to the parking. As we always park our car to the same location all the time, I could easily find my way to the car. But at my biggest surprise, they were not there and then I started to panic heavily! I came back on my footsteps and begged a staff from a furniture shop to lend me his mobile number since I needed to call my husband in emergency. He dialed my husband’s number and then I could contact him. By coincidence my husband also was panicking since he didn’t find me, and asked me with a panicking voice where I was. Then when I explained him my location he asked me not to move from my actual location and to wait for him. Then, when he got closer he called me back on the gentleman’s mobile number and then I joined him. We were all reassured to retrieve each other and I explained him in which state of mind I was and how my son’s misbehavior stressed me to the core.

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Remember information: Yes, so many times I forget a lot of essential things, and I must always note them down to remember them properly. I noticed that when I make a planning such as the list of stuffs to buy at the groceries, or the dates I menstruated or forgot to take some pills, etc, I feel better organized than when I use only my head. But I tend to plan things only on specific days or for specific events or lists to do only and it really works. But when it comes on ordinary routine days I never feel the motivation to do it and it unfortunately plays against me.

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Concentrate: Yes I easily get distracted and face huge problems of concentration, however it may be in my chores and daily do’s, or with music. I can be easily distracted when I hear again and again my favorite song or watch my favorite movie or serial on laptop or TV, and also it’s dangerous since I don’t care whether there is my son waiting for me or, even though it almost didn’t happen in the past, forgetting something being cooked on the oven! I also get very easily distracted when I see babies in front of me.

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Organize tasks: Yes I am extremely disorganized, I admit it. I include too many “dead times” in my agenda because I don’t know why, but I LOVE wasting time with social networking, with doing researches on the internet, with reading and writing, which represent a passion for me that I cannot help but cultivating. It became a drug for me since it’s my biggest refuge where I forget all my problems and overcome all my sorrows much better, including when I write constructive emails with my best friend, who is a British French author, writer, traveler and coach whom I acknowledged on LinkedIn. Also, my house chores, looking after my son, cooking food, all the tasks that any responsible housewife and mother should do, turns now into a nightmare for me, because I don’t want to do those chores and want to be totally free! Yes I know it sounds weird, but this is the impression I always had.

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Finish work on time: Yes I have difficulties finishing work on time, for the same reasons regarding concentration and organization problems that I face everyday, and I very often tend to finish all my tasks at the last minute before my husband comes home or before I go out with my son to the shopping mall or to the swimming pool. When I finish my tasks early, I feel strange because this is not me, and when I finish my task late, I feel stressed and guilty, because in reality, I don’t do my daily chores with pleasure, but rather with fear of facing an avalanche of reproaches and sarcastic remarks from my husband, who is straight-minded, down to earth and extremely well organized, all the contrary of me who is messy, forgetful and dreamy…
The article that I found also lists a series of challenges that I have to face with Adult ADHD:

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Anxiety: Yes, I am all the time anxious, because my anxiety mostly refers to all the traumatic experiences I have been having with my family, in-laws, in my marriage, in society, in the work environment and with a lot of fake friends who abused of me.

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Chronic boredom: Yes I admit it, I get bored very easily when I see that I face situations which are starting to become repetitive too often. I am actually bored because all my days are all the same with the chores, cooking, visiting the same places, travelling in the same countries all the time between Mauritius and France because of my husband’s family, meeting all the time the same people, etc. I have right now within me that anger for constant change and for discovering new things and that is why I am bored in life.

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Chronic lateness and forgetfulness: This confirms exactly the same problem I mentioned previously regarding my problems of concentration, organization and having my tasks finished on time. I always have the temptation about finishing everything at the very last hour and at the end I feel unsatisfied for having lost so much time uselessly, thinking that the next day it would be better. Unfortunately it restarts again and again and I don’t know what to do.

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Depression: Yes. I have faced very severe depression, especially in 2003 when I had faced a very bad working experience with one of my ex-bosses who was an asshole. I faced the same problem in 2007 further to a huge fight between my parents and my in-laws, and which still remains unsolved and forced me to cut total contact with my parents, even though my parents had unfortunately a part of right which I had to accept within the time. I also faced the same problem in 2011 after the birth of my unique child, since I have been suffering from post natal depression and have been raising my child in a very insane environment at my in-laws place, where I was all the time bullied and mistreated by all my in-laws and by even my husband and some of our closest friends who unfortunately gave me up in those moments where I needed them the most.

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Trouble concentrating while reading: Yes so many times it happened to me, especially if my mind was elsewhere than with my book reading or while I am writing, for example in situations where my son was with me and that I had to have an eye on him, for example at the swimming pool or at the playroom in the shopping mall.

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Trouble controlling anger: It started especially in 2014 while I was still in Seychelles, since I started breaking years and years of silent suffering caused by the brutal separation between my parents and my in-laws, the injustice that I had to face because of that separation, the bullying I faced with my in-laws because of my parents, the discrimination they were doing by starting to favor my sister-in-law and rejecting me because of my parents, finding my sister-in-law the perfect daughter-in-law of the family and me the incomplete one, dis-balance in my marriage life since we came back from the peaceful life we were living in Madagascar and retrieved ourselves into a huge tornado when we came back to Mauritius further to the socio political crisis of 2009 with problems of re-adaptation, family pressure from both sides since I was not talking to my mother anymore, over-pressure from my in-laws who were extremely exigent with me since I had no experience as a housewife, medical treatments I was following to be pregnant and to fight against severe endometriosis to be able to infant, the trauma of the experience I had with my in-laws after my son was born, the numerous times that my in-laws interfered, and this I admit with my own consent since I was so stupid and naive during that period, between me and my son, depriving me of my right to be a mother, 8 changes of home, 3 changes of countries and culture, difficulties to cope with my son’s education, the big aggressiveness that started developing within me and which didn’t exist in the past in my temperament, where very often I lost my temper and started screaming like a wild animal when I was angry, until it traumatized my poor little son, and for crowning the whole story, my poor child starting to develop signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder and who was diagnosed when we arrived in our new homeland! But to be honest, I arrived at a point where I didn’t want to overcome my anger because I have been controlling my angers for a too long time. I still have that angry demon within me who wants to rebel and to push me destroying my enemies in the same way Hindu Goddess Kali does to destroy enmity. But little by little I am slowly learning that anger will never change anything apart making things worse and making me stooping lower.

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Problems at work: The trouble was that I had to start working when I came back to Mauritius. I never wanted to do any studies in the tertiary sector. I wanted to have full academic qualifications in Literature and creative writing. Unfortunately, after I finished the Brevet des Colleges in 1995, my level started degrading, and the biggest factor behind it was my mother, who was over-pressurizing me a lot in my home work and who was bullying and terrorizing me a lot, at such a point that I started loosing confidence within my own capacities and doubting a lot about myself because of her. When I finished the Brevet des Colleges, I started a new school year named Seconde Amenagee, which is a special program on 2 years for students facing school difficulties. As from that moment, I had the courage to tell my mother that I didn’t want her anymore to help me in my homework and that I will manage alone. Unfortunately, when I finished my Seconde Amenagee, I had choices only with doing a Baccalaureate Action et Communication Commerciale, or a Baccalaureat Comptabilite et Gestion, and I chose the second option. Unfortunately, when I started my Premiere, I had to repeat it again because I had difficulties with the Comptabilite et Gestion and started too late taking tuitions with a school teacher. But when I repeated the class, then I continued my tuition with her for the two forthcoming years and that was of great help for me, even though I only had the mention “Satisfactory” for my Baccalaureate. I continued also studying as I applied for a BTS Assistant de Gestion PME PMI in Mauritius, since I didn’t want to leave the country to go to France. I was scared to go to France, since my godmother, who was also my patriarchal half-sister, went to study medicine there, but was bullied so much by my matriarchal family who was living in France that she couldn’t survive the overpressure and she died at only 26 years old after having been graduated and after having been engaged to a French doctor there. Moreover, my mother was obsessed by having me married to a French guy since she was always obsessed with White people and fair skinned people, and God knows how I succeeded into resisting to all that pressure though very often I cried alone in my room and was extremely nervous and even turned anorexic. My marriage with my husband unfortunately didn’t arrange anything since my husband never matched with the kind of son-in-law my mother wanted to have in her life, as he didn’t satisfy her ego at all. And when I was in Madagascar, even though the Malagasy work environment was based mostly on the French curriculum, and though I could obtained my BTS though my average note for the final exam was 10 out of 20, which represented the big minimum I could obtain for obtaining my BTS, I had a lot of difficulties to assume my professional capacities, and my working competence was average in some sectors, and very poor and unproductive in some other sectors which I failed into understanding. Also I completely stopped working for that company though I was at home doing some administrative tasks for a friend, and I involved myself in Mauritius into a very dishonest chain of distribution for which I have lost a lot of money. My professional experience unfortunately was very unsuccessful even though my colleagues appreciated a lot my personality, and with a lot of retreat, I came to understand that I was never made for that kind of job, but that my job was much more for literature and creative writing. I am taking all my chances with me to restart everything from scratch, but it’s hard for me to do so with a child and a household under my responsibility and I fail into knowing how to manage my time and fight against ADHD.

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Impulsiveness: Same problem as for trouble controlling anger, since all the anger that I have been containing after so many years of silence is already emerging from me. But that image that I added attracted my attention for its subtitle “The good, the bad and the awesome”. How could impulsiveness be something good, bad and awesome at the same time? I was then referred to an article linked with that picture, where the author of that article related about an impulsiveness experience that he had lived. He judged impulsiveness as something “Good” first, since it’s a possibility for one individual to express enthusiasm when he or she has new ideas being structured. Impulsiveness can also be bad since it’s impossible to stick on the same things all the time when you work on a project or when you plan something for your own or with your loved ones. And this happened to me and is still happening to me so many times. The trouble with me is that I hate when plans made together change every 5 minutes and unexpectedly. This was exactly what happened each time that I planned to meet my best friend a couple of months ago in Paris, since my husband’s uncle and my son were constantly making us changing our plans, my uncle due to unexpected events which he tended to impose on our schedule, and my son due to his childish behaviour and requests. When it comes on such unexpected stuffs coming from other people I can feel extremely irritated and pissed off, since I hate last minute changes and always failed to deal with them calmly. But when it comes about unexpected changes coming directly from me, then I am more flexible and tolerant. Finally, as the author said, impulsiveness can be something awesome, and for this we have to make it awesome ourselves. In his article, the author gave some interesting advice based on his motto that he shared with us: we use the good, cut out the bad, and therefore make it awesome.

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Low tolerance for frustration: I never really knew what it meant until I saw the explanation above, but yes definitely, I am somebody very frustrated with my own life when I think about all the failures I accumulated, the big mistakes that I did in my life, the numerous times I failed into taking opportunities which were presented in front of me because I was afraid or couldn’t afford them, the numerous failures I faced with my insane parents, my insane family and with some of my in-laws, but which suddenly turned into a will for me to restart everything from scratch for better succeeding in life and being happy doing a career that I want to do and which would allow me finding a better balance in my life.

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Low self-esteem: Yes, for the same reasons as for low tolerance and frustration, and so many times I really hate myself for what I am, for having become what others want me to be and for not being what I really wanted to become. And yet, so many times I feel that I am awesome and wonderful, and so many times I tried to fall again in love with myself. But those moments never happened in reality but only in my imagination. I imagined myself in front of my mirror as a successful writer in prom dress receiving a prize for her best sellers. I very often imagined myself as a talented musician, since I always cultivated passion for percussion and violin, and dressed all in red, my favorite color. I imagined myself also as a rock singer in black leather boots and sexy mini dress, singing with a cymbal in my hand in front of so many of my loved ones. But when reality comes back into my mind, I feel completely different, stupid and ugly, though I know that I have so many skills to shine in my life. This low self-esteem unfortunately is a result from my tumultuous past because of my parents, who never saw the best in me, who always saw the ugly in me and who were narcissistic, egocentric sociopaths who raised me as a golden child and thanks to whom I always have the feeling of being a huge failure for everyone, starting with myself and my little family. If you want to have a clue of what a golden child is, here is a picture below, and which proves that being a golden child is NOT a position to envy and that it’s a very difficult family educational disorder from which you can recover:

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Mood swings: Yes, I have very often mood swings, since I can be very happy and in a fraction of second I can turn to be like hell, or extremely peevish without any concrete reason.

Poor organization skills: Same thing as I said previously with problems of concentration and organization.

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Procrastination and self-harm: I do it since I am a child, by biting and breaking my nails and finger skin very regularly. But this is not all of it. I tend to waste a lot of time and always have the impression that all what I am doing is lasting for an eternity, including tasks that I can do only within 5 minutes. I also face stress disorder, because I always feel pressurized by my husband and still feel the effect of the over-pressure that I have passed through with my parents and even with my in-laws even though things changed drastically and improved by my side, and even though I live on my own with my husband and my son. I admit that I think about too many things at the same time and in a very disordered way, and that I often feel lack of energy for doing the most simple things in life. I admit that I have big trouble in focusing on the most important aspects of my life and for the welfare of my child. Finally, I admit that I very often face muscle tensions, especially at the shoulders during the massage sessions, and sometimes have headache. I admit that I cover all those ADHD symptoms regarding procastination, such as Daydreaming since I love dreaming a lot and have a huge sense of imagination as an aspiring writer to be. I accept that I very often tend to forget or to loose things without even realizing it when it comes on loosing things. It recently happened since I never retrieved a book bag belonging to my son, which made that I had to pay a penalty with the school library, since the book bag contained two library books that my son borrowed from there. It also happened that a new pink shirt that my husband bought in shopping mall a couple of months ago after our settlement in my new homeland, and which I never washed before, completely disappeared without me realizing it. Yes I admit that I make a lot of careless mistakes or take unsafe risks. An example of taking unsafe risks is that I very often let my son pedaling his bicycle on the edge of the road even though there are cars coming and going, and even though I always have a close eye on him. Another example that I do careless mistakes is that I repetitively, and very often on purpose I admit it, never have the notion of time when I go out with my son, or that I always use the wrong cloth to clean the kitchen, since I take the cloth used to dry the dishes instead of a cleaning cloth! Squirming, I don’t know whether I used to squirm, but I very often talk alone and have flappy hands and fingers when I turn nervous. Fidgeting, however, happens to me very often with my hair or with my fingers. I also faced some symptoms of depression so many times, where I wanted to commit suicide or to die. It happened at so many moments of my life where I was deeply desperate with myself and wanted to put an end to my life to meet my deceased half-sister in another world… I even remember that one year after the big fight between my parents and my in-laws, I wanted to put an end in my life by jumping from upstairs when I arrived at my office, and my husband was unable to understand what was really happening to me. I very often also had appetite and weight loss, which turned into anorexia, especially when I was in Madagascar during a period I was deeply down after the fight between my parents and my in-laws, several years which followed my son’s birth while I was in Seychelles, during which my husband and I were having a lot of fights and that my in-laws were over-invading our house with their visits and caprices, especially my father in law and my husband’s uncle from Paris, who is a very possessive and emotionally vampire person, despite all the good qualities that he has shown such as a generous and hardworking person. Finally, even though I am convinced to have ADHD, I also have some symptoms related with OCD, mostly overthinking about bad memories from my past life experiences, which usually take a lot of time for me to forget and which affect me a lot physically and morally. For example, it took me 10 years to overcome the impossibility of the reconciliation between my parents and my in-laws, and I still have never overcome my very first heartbreak that I experimented at 16 years old, even though 20 years elapsed after it happened!

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Relationship problems: I have been lucky to have someone who is straight minded, down to earth, discipline and hardworking in life… Unfortunately I still feel there is a wall separating the both of us because there are too many differences between us which makes that there is no possibility to create a Just Middle between us to better hang up with each other. Because of that, I always have the feeling that I must always show a face of myself that my husband wants me to have and that I don’t feel free to be whatever I would like to be because my husband never accepted me the way I AM, but wanted me to be the way he and his family wanted me to be. I have also had too many breakups, because my choices never matched with my mother’s choices and I suffered from a very brutal breakup with my ex because he was widely influenced by his father since his father disliked my European style and the fact that I used to speak French, which was never tolerated in their family. After one month of breakup only that I decided to marry my actual husband.

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Substance abuse or addiction: Yes, I am extremely addicted with sugar that I put in my tea or coffee, because I was told by an ex-colleague that when you consume sweet things, it’s because you are sad and that you are desperately looking for a way to find re-comfort into sweetness. I dislike cigarette though, and only now started developing taste for alcohol, but yet I still control myself since on cigarette and alcohol, my father succeeded into never letting me involved in them, especially alcohol, maybe because he knows that my mother is alcoholic and that he cannot control her. I have also been addicted to Facebook at such a point that I was neglecting my family. I won’t say that my addiction stopped because I keep on borrowing my husband’s mobile to surf on his Facebook account as if it was mine, since we have some contacts in common and some interests in common which feature on his Facebook account. However, I am very addicted with Social Platforms, and even with Literature and Creative Writing. I am dying with curiosity for discovering new things of life and developing myself. And on that kind of addiction I don’t want to change.

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Low motivation: Yes, so many times, especially when I am stuck into a daily and boring routine in my life, like as I mentioned before. I am also fed up with the trips that we do because my husband always chose Mauritius and France as the only destinations where we traveled, whereas there are so many options and at cheaper prices that we could take. I complained about it with him so many times, but he just told me that his financial situation couldn’t allow him going in other destinations, but that as soon as his situation would improve we could visit something else. Personally I don’t believe him, because there are opportunities which are waiting for us. Maybe also it’s his lack of geographic knowledge which makes him talking like that, and for that I admit I need to help him since I have deeper geographic knowledge.

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PROBLEMS AT SCHOOL: I did very well at school when I was in Primary School but things started changing after I took part at the Brevet des Colleges. Even though I was doing well at school, unfortunately I was terrorized and over-pressurized by my mother, who never had faith in my capacities and who always underestimated me with her excessive discipline and obsession of making me over-passing myself. As I said before, even though I stopped having my mother with me, the fact that she over-pressurized me had some severe consequences on my concentration problems, not only for my studies, but even for the rest of my life. Unfortunately things got worse when I got married due to too much pressure from my husband and my in-laws, who are all extremely maniac when it comes on hygiene, discipline and hard work, since they still have the scars of the poverty in which they have been growing up, and from which they never recovered. And the fact that I come from a rich family unfortunately didn’t arrange things, despite all the efforts that I had to overdo to be accepted in the family and by my husband. The fact that I had to build a personality to please others instead of pleasing myself makes me extremely unhappy and uncomfortable. As well as I was raised as a golden child at home, in another hand I was severely bullied at school especially during my primary years and a part of my secondary years, because I was all the time quiet, lonely and never involved in anyone’s games. I was never dropped out from school nor university, but I interrupted my studies for my E-Commerce License since I was completely lost in most of the subjects and had no basics in computer science, and as I mentioned before, I repeated my Premiere and before that, I had to make a Seconde Amenagee which distanced me from my Baccalaureate orientation completely. I wanted to add also that I have unfortunately been bullied and discouraged by a pupil who never wanted me to do a Literary Baccalaureate, pretending that I would never know how to assimilate my languages properly! Another one once even mocked me when I said I wanted to do Action et Communication Commerciale or Comptabilite et Gestion, which both represented branches from the field Sciences et Technologies Tertiaires. I still remember the mocking that he did over me, and unfortunately his mocking brought negative fruits as I doubted a lot on myself and felt that I wasn’t made for that kind of job. I was always shy and lonely and had a lot of difficulties to make strong friendship bonds with the other pupils of the class who wanted to approach me. I was subject to so many fake rumors about me, that I was mentally delayed or disturbed, something like that. I never was dropped out from school, but I once escaped from school for meeting my boyfriend of that period, a guy whom my parents disagreed with and whom I had been having a secret relationship with for about 2 years, until I decided to put an end to it as it would never work between us.

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–  I admit that I changed jobs and had poor performance at work during the few times that I was working for other companies. But the most catastrophic working experience, which maybe is the cause I couldn’t cope with work environment anymore in addition of my average exam results, is the 2 month experience I had in the HR Department of a Printing and Packaging company, when I was working as a HR Assistant cum Secretary. After 2 months and so many fights and bullying from my dominating boss, I resigned with all my anger and did a very catastrophic signing with an ex colleague, and I was diagnosed anxiety depression by the doctor of the company. My HR Manager menaced me since I gave my complaint and resignation letter directly to the General Manager without passing by him, and two weeks later he replied to me in a very menacing and arrogant way to scare me… But Karma turned against him, since he was fired from the company further to a very serious professional mistake he was accused of. My working environment in Mauritius in general was horrible, mostly because of the Mauritian mentality, with which I couldn’t cope at all. Mine in Madagascar was rather good as long as it consisted into administrative tasks, but I was completely null in Logistics. When I completely left the working environment, then I realized that I wanted to become a writer.

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– As I don’t drive I never had speeding tickets, license suspended nor was involved in more crashes. However, it took me 7 temptations to get my driving license, and I didn’t obtain it with my own efforts, but instead I obtained it thanks to my ex-boyfriend, who bribed a policeman he knew very well to help me passing my license! But karma once more turned against me, because I didn’t deserve that license as it was obtained with bribe, even though my ex boyfriend did it with a good intention for me. Because of that bribe, God punished me and I cannot drive anymore. I don’t smoke cigarettes since I never could stood tobacco, I was never addicted to drugs, but I merely started drinking, and I am rather addicted with social networking on my mobile and with sugar. Yes, I have less money, and to be honest, I have no more money. I am completely ruined, since I spent a lot of money uselessly by buying all sorts of rubbish and getting memberships for all sort of online job platforms, within my desperate obsession for freedom and for preserving my dignity, an obsession that I still have within me as I don’t want to depend on my husband anymore financially. Finally I admit, that I really have a lot of psychological trouble as I got very often depressed and anxious, and I even had so many nightmares during my sleep.

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– There are a lot of other things on which I wrote so many things in the past as they affected me a lot, but I will never mention about them anymore, since I was wisely and toughly advised by some good and loyal people I have been lucky to meet in life to put a big cross on those chains of the past, not only because it was painful for me to keep those chains alive for myself, but also because it was very uncomfortable for my readers, my family and my surroundings to read so many crude things, since they could be fatal for me in the meaning that anyone could bully me in return for having had the courage of spreading the truth about them, and that it could also affect me and my family in the future. It was very hard for me to accept this, but I accepted removing all those blog posts since they could be fatal for me in the future and even attract a lot of hateful and disturbing opinions and comments on me, for which I admit I wouldn’t be strong enough to face nor to fight against. But only one thing though that I would like to share and that a friend of mine once told me: Your parents are your very first prints in your life. If they are good prints, you will grow up good, if they are bad prints, you will survive with those bad prints all your life. Unfortunately I belong to the second sad category of children and it’s very hard for me today to rise again as I still carry so many heavy scars in me. As I told my husband, you can have a loveable husband, many loyal friends or therapists who will advise you and help you rebuilding yourself, but they will never replace the essence of life that your parents are supposed to bring in you, and you will always feel incomplete because your parents never brought in you that essence of life. This is exactly what I am myself actually facing.

Unfortunately, since therapies here are expensive and not covered by insurance, and since there are lots of shadows from my past that I don’t want to unveil anymore and that I removed away from my blog forever, I prefer not following any therapies. The fact that I could break that silence already consists into a big therapy for me, and I hope that through my experience, I will be able to inspire other people suffering with ADHD like me to have the courage to express themselves. I also took a lot of time to understand one important thing, which is that ADHD can be an explanation in bad life management, but should not be an excuse. I hope that after I wrote all those words and confessions, I will be able to stand up again and to overcome that mental disorder bravely, even though I need to do it alone, and for which I don’t loose hope, though at times I can be morally down or fed up.

Facebook addiction: Who is the real culprit?

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This was the very first article that I am writing here on LinkedIn and that I am re-writing here on WordPress, and I am very pleased to paste you hereunder a post from one of my compatriots regarding some of my Mauritian compatriots and their addiction to Facebook:

Hello Mark Zuckerberg!

I took a suffering patient to the SSRN Hospital this evening. The security guy outside didn’t bother to give directions because he was busy on Facebook Messenger.

When I reached the “emergency entry”, a taxi driver had forgotten that he had parked there after dropping his passenger, because he was busy checking his Facebook newsfeed.

I went to the registration counter. I had to utter my phone number thrice because the lady’s attention was on her phone’s screen – that showed a man’s Facebook profile.

The doctor was liking photos on Facebook when I had to disturb him, unfortunately. The patient got admitted, and while carrying him to an allocated ward on a wheel-bed, [as they walked] both nurses were excited to be adding each other as Facebook Friends since they met each other after a long time.

And finally me…I had to take out my phone and write a Facebook post to you.

So Mark, did you make us any less slave than our ancestors?

Good night!

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Kudos to my compatriot who wrote that blog post anyway… And thank you Mark Zuckerberg for having addicted the Facebook drug to us. And cheers to all the humans who let themselves getting trapped into that drug so stupidly that they completely forgot the true meaning of socialization and of priorities in life! Because we cannot blame Mark Zuckerberg totally either. He created Facebook to become famous. But so many people misuse Facebook. They make of Facebook an addiction and even use it to publish all their life as an open story and even as a tool used for pornography and violence! And after this we are astonished that we have no more privacy when our privacy is in danger? We are astonished that our pictures are misused within the hands of hackers in the aim of ruining our lives?

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A couple of years ago a respectful young student was retrieved hung in her bedroom together with all her family members after they committed collective suicide! The reason? She had a PUBLIC Facebook profile and posted all her personal pics on it. Some hackers used her pics to create fake pornographic pictures of her on a fake profile with HER name and identity! She was NOT aware of that and so many naive people believed she was a REAL SLUT and her whole reputation at home, at school, in her family and in society got completely ruined! Was she to be blamed for having created a public Facebook profile innocently without expecting the bad consequences it would have had on her life? Or are those hackers to be blamed for having tricked her pictures and ruined her innocence and reputation? Unfortunately I couldn’t retrace the Facebook post revealing about that collective suicide, but I got the proof that such cases exist through that article from Hindustan Times, revealing the arrest of a hacker who victimized another girl in the same case and who pushed her to commit suicide since her reputation was completely ruined because of him.

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Another case we should talk about and which made me being disgusted with having a personal Facebook profile: 2 years ago an Indian girl made me revealing some shocking secrets, though she didn’t know me, about a celebrity I adored to the core! Of course as a blind follower of that celebrity I didn’t believe her and insulted her, and I thought the celebrity would have been clever enough to understand my concern about protecting him and his marital life since he was engaged. Instead of supporting me, he forced me and a couple of his fans whom I shared the story with to apologise to that Indian girl who pretended that her profile was hacked by her boyfriend and that he created that fake profile of hers misusing her pictures, contacts and personal details to create trouble between her and her contacts since he was jealous like hell and could never bear knowing she had male friends who were only fans of hers since she was also a celebrity in her locality. But the way she exposed so many precised details about those shocking revelations are TOO TRUE to consider that this girl was trapped by her boyfriend and it was evident she was lying and fooling everyone! Since now NO ONE gave me right for the good intention I had towards that celebrity and my name and reputation got suddenly blackened by all his followers and even by that celebrity HIMSELF! One day I will reveal you the complete story, which is still in draft mode but which I may publish very soon so that you would know better about the whole story. But to prove you that such cases exist, though they are rarer, I found that article to justify what I have just written, and what I have read in it was extremely shocking, and especially when I read the latest paragraph stipulating, I quote, that “The status updates are not offensive, they do not use foul language and can be deleted once you “Unhack your  Facebook.” Which rubbish is that? Didn’t they realize the foolishness of their action and how they could stupidly put some innocent lives in danger or facing big fear and trauma for nothing, and maybe for the rest of their lives by doing that? That is why there is a quote in French saying “Les plaisanteries les plus courtes sont les meilleures”, translated in English as “The shortest jokes are the best ones”. It’s true since as it starts becoming longer… it doesn’t become a joke anymore and it can really endanger your life!

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It’s easy to blame Mark Zuckerberg for having created Facebook! But we should especially first blame OURSELVES for being unable to use Facebook intelligently, responsibly and appropriately. I was myself a Facebook addicted person and I myself admit how I misused Facebook so cheaply in the past and how Facebook turned into a drug which completely ruined my life and got me away from my priorities and life responsibilities as a SPOUSE, a HOUSEWIFE, a MOTHER and a WRITER-TO-BE! I won’t be scared to share my story with you and with everyone if necessary as an ex Facebook addicted if necessary. I use other platforms regularly such as Google+, Instagram and LinkedIn but when I compare my daily experience with them this is NOTHING compared to my previous FACEBOOK experiences since I obtained TOUGH LIFE LESSONS from them and learned to impose my LIMITS and to respect them.

The Big Social Dilemma about Hindu womanhood in Mauritius and India

This morning, since I chose to have a relaxing day after having an almost sleepless night after a long and hardworking day at home with lots of food to cook, lots of house chores to deal with and so many reproaches I accumulated with my husband for silly matters, I seized the opportunity to watch an interesting Hindi Short Movie, “Teaspoon“.

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The cover image of the movie says it all, showing a tearful housewife who was crying out of her nerves because she was fed up. The story, which is in Hindi language but translated in English, relates the life of Kavita, a housewife whose life is balanced between her house chores, her cooking, her husband who works in an Insurance company but who needs to travel all the time, and her sick father-in-law who is sick and bedridden, and who always calls for his daughter-in-law’s assistance by hitting a teaspoon with the wooden bed or with a porcelain cup next to him. One evening, during dinner time, Kavita was talking to her husband Rajiv and wanted to go somewhere for a short holiday, but within the condition that her father-in-law would be placed in a home temporarily until they come back. But Rajiv categorically refuses that his father is placed in a home, which he estimates as costly, and prefers that he stays at home under his wife’s supervision. The days go by and Kavita’s father-in-law is becoming more and more exigent by asking after her through his teaspoon. The irony in all that is that he teases Kavita only when Rajiv is away from home, but doesn’t bother her when Rajiv is back home. Maybe because he knows that Kavita is busy with Rajiv… or that he pretends to act smart with her only to please his son? Only God knows! But the more time goes by, the more Kavita suffers from that situation since she feels abused by her father-in-law and completely misunderstood by Rajiv, who defends his father more than he does for his wife, who does everything for him and even for his father. Also, further to a huge fight between Kavita and Rajiv during dinner one evening, the morning after, Rajiv rushes to work without having his breakfast, since he doesn’t want to stay at home to avoid another fight with Kavita, since he cannot stand to fight against her each time she tries to complain with him about how his father acts towards her in and out of Rajiv’s presence. On that same morning, Kavita avoids her father-in-law during almost all the day, trying to cope with her other activities and with her work from home… Until at a moment, when her father-in-law asks her again for assistance, her nerves let go and she kills her father-in-law by accident by stifling him on the face with his pillow! When Kavita realizes what she did, she is under shock, and during the funeral ceremony during which everyone is quiet, she provokes noises in front of everyone by heavily bursting in tears, and she keeps on crying every day in presence of her husband. Rajiv, who doesn’t understand the strangeness of Kavita’s behaviour, asks her to stop that comedy since, according to him, she shouldn’t have cried so heavily since his father represented a burden for her and since she wanted to get rid of him for a couple of days by sending him in a home while they would go on holidays. Kavita wanted to tell the truth about what she did to her father-in-law, but she lacked courage and then sentenced to silence. Her husband then asked her to prepare his breakfast quickly otherwise he would be late at office. While she was preparing the chapatis in the kitchen, she suddenly heard again the famous teaspoon, but there was no one in her father-in-law’s bedroom… And then she came to discover that it was Rajiv himself who was making the sound with the teaspoon! Was Rajiv conscious that he was repeating the same gesture as his father? Was Rajiv aware that Kavita killed his father, and is doing again this disturbing sound to take revenge of her? Or was it the father-in-law’s spirit who came to haunt Rajiv to punish Kavita and turn her mad?

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Only God knows about what was in Rajiv’s mind in that movie, and that movie inspired me because it was exactly the same type of situation I have been facing recently. We are actually renting a fully furnished apartment in Seychelles. But as I related to you in my blog post “Too Much of Heaven Can Bring You Underground“, where I mentioned about some serious problems my husband had to face because of the landlord of another house we were renting before in the North of the country, I have to be very precautions on the way I need to keep the apartment clean. And on that day, I had a lot of food to cook since the day after we are used to fasting by only eating vegetarian food, I had some deep cleaning to do in the whole place since after only two days, the apartment turned dirty and dusty again, and I had a lot of laundry to do, especially since there were some white tissues which accidentally accumulated red stains after washing, and which I had to restore with some special products I could purchase especially for that in a supermarket in UAE, since those products weren’t available in Seychelles. I could earn a lot of time fortunately since my son was very tired after having waken up so early and then could do a 2-hour nap, but after such a hard day, I was so tired that I was feeling lots of back, feet and shoulder pains during the whole evening and that I was feeling very weak. But what pricked me was that, despite all the efforts that I did for all those chores, my husband kept on yelling in the house for some nasty details and each time our little one was misbehaving, without trying to understand that he was in good shape since he could rest for two hours to recuperate, and he even indirectly accused me of lacking discipline when it came on his education! At a moment I was so much fed up that I kept on yelling on my husband to make him shutting his mouth, and I felt completely demotivated and discouraged in front of such arrogance and ingratitude from my husband! Also today, because of that demotivation, I did almost nothing today apart some light chores and looking after my son since he came back from school. And again, my husband, whose mood unfortunately didn’t improve at all, kept on accumulating on me his moral lessons when he noticed some tasks not properly done, or things going wrong with our son, etc. At a moment I couldn’t bear it anymore for having so many moral lessons and reproaches from him, and while I brought the little one to the playroom after his dinner, since there was a playroom in the residential area which was kept open until quite late in the evening, my nerves went on and I heavily burst in tears, exactly in the same situation in which Kavita was retrieving herself in “Teaspoon”. I even have the sensation that, though my husband pretends that he understands me, in reality it’s not the case at all and I felt that I retrieved myself in front of a brick of wall exactly like Kavita felt with husband Rajiv.

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In such a moment of despair, I confided into a common good friend of ours, who is known for being a hardworker, regarding my situation, but she was categorical with me as a purely traditional Hindu woman: We, Hindu women, should be able to bear the burden of the whole world over our shoulders without complaining, even though we are sick, and we should always manage on our own and represent a rock on which our husband and children should always rely on through both thick and thin. She herself was an oppressed daughter-in-law when her children were still small, and had to face the burden of being always isolated by her mother-in-law and her sisters-in-law, and she even never had any encouragement nor support from her husband during those moments of struggles. But contrary to Kavita, she never gave up and kept on persevering without asking anyone’s help, and when her elder daughter got married, it was only at that moment that her husband really started to understand her and to recognize her values and how his own family were completely wrong about his wife. It’s in that purpose that she always encourages me to cultivate that fighting spirit that all Hindu women should always have within them, even in the worst cases. I remember that on my Google+ profile, I once posted a picture of several women who had to participate into a house construction, by carrying tons of heavy bricks over their head, since they were working to earn a living to help their husband with poor working revenue, so that they could fulfill their house hold. And after work, they had to continue working for the children, the family, the food and the housekeeping at home and had very few time to rest, but they never complained and always bore the burden of their responsibilities in silence, at the image of Mother India.

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I never complained so far since there are still a lot of married Indo-Mauritian women like me, who may be either younger or older than me, who continue to cultivate the tradition of being submitted spouses and mothers for their family, and who are always judged through their behaviour and through their clothing, appearance and daily responsibilities each and every day. Even though I have been raised within a half Creole, half Indian family, and that my mother mostly showed the glance of the Creole woman who was authoritarian, lived her womanhood fully despite her responsibilities and who always had her word to say and her presence to impose wherever she was going, I married a Hindu man and had to change myself drastically from the Creole education I received from my mother to the submitted spouse and mother I had to become, since all women and spouses in my family-in-law should always dress and behave respectfully, and be totally submitted under their husbands’ authority, though their husbands give them everything they need materially and financially, and though they have the right, especially during family meetings, to express themselves and to have an identity to show. For years, I haven’t been like that since I was always surrounded with maids around me like in my mother’s place, but when I stepped back into my native Mauritius after having spent the first years of my marriage life in Madagascar, I had to start everything from scratch and learn the hard responsibilities that every Hindu spouse should learn to do. It was very hard because I was always pressurised by my in-laws, and all the time compared to my sister-in-law, who had a child before me and who was more experimented than I was. But what pricked me the most was that during so many years, my in-laws considered her as the perfect daughter-in-law, whereas I have been considered as the incomplete daughter-in-law, which is the reason behind which one day, in a moment of despair after the huge fight I had with my father-in-law and which, I hope, put a final full stop to all those comparisons between us, I wrote “Sleeping Tablets“, a short story ending with suicide… whereas in real life, I am still alive and fighting, contrary to my fictional character Sapna in the story. And in addition to all that, I had no help from my parents, since I was and am still in bad terms with them, like I explained in all my other previous blog posts. But even though I was very harsh and cruel with my father-in-law during that fight, after which he had a very high blood pressure because of me, thing for which I never apologised though I was worried about his state of health (Hell yeah, I can be extremely cruel when I am angry, including against my elders, because when I have my points to defend, I never keep silent!), my father-in-law stopped comparing me with my sister-in-law, not because he understood my situation, how it was frustrating for me and how it made me sick, but rather because he was mostly scared of my overreactions and that he preferred shutting his mouth to avoid another argument with me.

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I don’t complain about the way I am leading my life as a housewife, mother and spouse, and I am very thankful that my husband gives me of everything and that I improved a lot the way I manage my daily responsibilities at home. I am also thankful that despite the struggle, my husband respects the fact that I need to cultivate my passion for literature, creative writing and blogging, since it helps me being better balanced in life and better managing my struggles, frustrations and moments of stress through expressing the voice of my heart through written words. But what I am facing, and what lots of Indo-Mauritians face again, even though the Indo-Mauritian society drastically emancipated through the years, resembles exactly the situation that still so many women face in India, since most of Mauritians have their inheritance within their Indian ancestors’ roots, and since Indo-Mauritians represent about 81% of the Mauritian population. There was another video which I loved watching from Bollywood actress Kalki Koechlin, a satiric video regarding rape, where she and another Bollywood star named Juhi Pandey ironically replied to what so many Indian women (and even Mauritian women) face as a critic when they are victims of abuse and rape, “RAPE: It’s Your Fault” which followed the numerous series of sexual assaults which had been filed since the famous 2012 Delhi Gang Rape which savagely shook the Indian society, especially women. In that satiric video, the kind of moral lesson that unfortunately too many women hear, in India like in Mauritius, is that one:

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This is exactly the kind of summon that women hear from men to be “respected” in society, and it doesn’t only concerns India but even Mauritius. Even though I have had toxic parents, the kind of education that they gave me was exactly what I obtained as per that picture, and I keep on practising that type of educational manner passively since I married a man with strict manners and am now part of a strict family-in-law who exegeses that every spouse should behave properly, not showing off in public, doing their house chores properly and wearing decent clothes. Myself, I do it every day, though I still have that rebellious voice within me which speaks when it has to, and though there is nonetheless a certain freedom of expression between me and my husband, even though there are still so many things that I keep untold and that I prefer writing in my blog instead. I even remember having watched a sort of short film that a good friend of mine once realised on his Facebook account, where men kept on being accused because of the Delhi gang rape, where he showed also the medal reverse that women aren’t that innocent either because they don’t behave as decently nor as respectively as before, especially since they are more and more caught on cheating, exposing their assets publicly, talking about their sexual life more and more openly with strangers, etc. And, of course, that it’s one of the reasons why they attract men to rape them… Another type of classical male accusation that I have heard that women are mostly responsible of their own rapes, which has nonetheless a part of truth especially on cheating. I remember having had so many male friends who faced hard heart breaks and relationship endings, since their girlfriends preferred lust and money with rich and wealthy men than true love they could receive from my friends, and on that purpose, with the education I have been brainwashed with, I found those girls really cheap and heartless, being myself a woman, and I gave my full support to my male friends.

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But there was a comment which I really loved reading in reply to the short movie “Teaspoon”, which stipulated that, I quote, “Wife should not be treated as a machine. A machine does not need any appreciation for the work it does. But, the wife expects some appreciation for the work she does. For that matter, even husband likes if he is appreciated for the job he does. In this short film, the husband never tries to understand the problem she faces in his absence at home. If he would have appreciated his wife for all the care she takes for his father other than doing house hold work, his wife would have felt happy and such ending would not have taken place. His wife was not bad in nature. Let all the husband learn to appreciate their wife for their contribution in running the family, to have a happy and peaceful family.” That should have been a good response to all what I have written previously, that if women became so bad and cheap, it wasn’t totally their fault, but especially because they had been victim of bad treatments in the past because of men, and mostly after having escaped from forceful marriages, at the example of late Bandit Queen Phoolan Devi, who was forced to marry an elder cousin whereas she was still a teenager, or of late Pakistani model Qandeel Baloch, who posted provocative pictures and videos of her years after having escaped a forced marriage, before she was killed by her brother “in honor for the family”! I also invite you to pay attention to Kalki Koechlin’s poem “Dear Men“, which perfectly depicts on how men are hypocrite towards women, and dare claiming once per year the International Women’s Day, and which is a strong slap about disrespect of womanhood. And finally regarding the rapists, I found something very interesting on a blog, where there was a review about the short video “RAPE: It’s Your Fault”, the kind of message that women dream men should read carefully so that they take conscious that it’s unfair of putting 90% of the blame over women, and only 10% on men:

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But after all what I wrote previously, as per whatever a good friend of mine, Indian author Pratap DivyeshPratap Divyesh, wrote in his book “A Responsible Confession“, Pratap perfectly depicts who should be blamed in the Delhi Gang Rape… I started reading the book, and the answer I obtained was that all started with OURSELVES… That before blaming the victim for having gone out late, before blaming the rapist for his irresponsible and monstrous action against an innocent girl, we should first have a look at our inner self before judging anyone… And he was right about it. It’s not the man or the woman who is responsible of the rape… It all starts with our minds first. And the extract of that article perfectly concludes about who is guilty in rape and we will see that both sexes are concerned:

As per my consideration the responsibility lies equally between both sexes because without a small mislead both sexes cannot cross the limits. In western countries there is a lot of reports on “Date Rape”which is a girl getting raped when she is going for a dating with a guy. If we analyse the situation there may be a little clue of what triggered the Rape situation and what may have been done to avoid that. In India this is now becoming a big problem since we have reports on this type of rape. In this both victim and the accused is known to each other. The situation created the problem.

If the girl is little bit cautious about her surroundings this may not have happened. If the guy is little cautious about the values of the friendship/love of that Girl then this may have been avoided. Recently there was a report which involves Rakhi  Sawant and popular pop singer. When we saw the pictures of Rakhi Sawant it was just a piece of cloth which was tied just by two knots near her breast. If we untie the knots then her dress will fall and she will be undressed. This kind of dresses will change a good mind to bad. We must know what to wear where. Yes there may be a little conditioned freedom is needed when we go to public because not all eyes and minds are same.

I’m never gonna say I’m sorry for one thing: TRUTH!

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Malin and Jenny Cecilia from Ace of Base, performing on music video “Never Gonna Say I’m Sorry” (1996)

 

Click here for the video of the clip “Never Gonna Say I’m Sorry” from Ace of Base

Never gonna say I’m sorry – Ace of Base

I’m never gonna say I’m sorry
I’m a clown for everyone
I’m never gonna let you down,
I’m always here like a sun

I’m a loser, that is a fact for sure
I’m happy even if you don’t want
To invite me out for a dance tonight
I’m not normal, I know it, I don’t care

I’m never gonna say I’m sorry
I’m a clown for everyone
I’m never gonna let you down,
I’m always here like a sun

I’m never gonna say I’m sorry
I’m a clown for everyone
I’m never gonna let you down,
I’m always here like a sun

I’m always here like a sun, I’m always here

Like a ghost I follow your steps so true
You don’t have to bribe me or fill me up
Give me a minute to shine with you
I will make you so happy, make you laugh

I’m never gonna say I’m sorry for the essence of my soul
There’s so many ways to change my life
‘Cause I want to…oh
I’m like a clown, I am fun for everyone…

I’m never gonna say I’m sorry…

I am sharing those lyrics from one of the tunes on which I enjoyed dancing and singing during my teenage years, since I have an important message to spread to all my readers about why I have no regrets, further to the latest blog posts that I recently published on my blog, in which I shared with my readers several fragments of my personal and family life. I admit I may have shocked so many of my readers with my personal views. But I’m never gonna say I’m sorry.

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Why should I be sorry for telling the truth and for revealing to the world the true part of me that no one wants to see, but that everyone needs to see? I remember that a friend of mine very often wrote me that, in our exchanges of emails. People write only to please the audience and to be paid, but there’s nothing true nor sincere in whatever they are writing. Do you remember the text that once I wrote, “Jo March and Proofreading“? This is the typical example of the fake story vs the true story. Remember how her first book she wrote was rejected, despite so many days of hard work from Jo. All this because, though the book was perfectly written, the story was meaningless and not interesting at all. But when Jo’s younger sister Beth passed away, for the first time Jo opened her heart through the lines she wrote within one whole night, and that time her novel was published, because the voice of the heart was there.

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Through that example, that is why, even though I admitted in that post that proofreading is necessary when you sell your book, I am deep inside myself against proofreading. I don’t care whether my English is insufficient. I know that my English is insufficient. But what is worth for my readers? A sincere message written in a poor English? Or a hypocrite message written in a perfect English? I still remember the harsh words from my ex-best friend, who highly criticized me for writing average college English instead of having the English level of her Majesty the Queen! HAHAHAHAHA! WTF again! And what made me laughing was that it made her really sick that I wrote in average English 😀 Sorry for you my dear ex-best friend… I may not write in the perfect English of Her Majesty the Queen, but at least I am showing my true colors… So sorry for you if I caused you disease for being real, but unfortunately I have no cure against that disease I caused to you… Tata bye bye… And get well soon, dear Miss Perfect English!

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Have you heard about the French quote which says “Too polite to be honest?” Yes, we are too polite in society because we have been taught by our parents to be polite since we were born. Yes, we are too well-mannered because we have been taught by our parents to be well-mannered. The mask of politeness and of good manners is in front of everyone’s faces, and perfectly covers people’s true colors.

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I once remembered that my mother told someone those words which today make me smile: “My daughter is polite… But it stops here.” Which means that for her, I am nothing else than an empty canned box which makes a lot of noise, but which has anything inside herself. If that’s her opinion, then it suits me perfectly 🙂 Indeed, you are never judged for what you represent deep inside yourself, but only through the appearance that you show in front of people nah? You judge people and things through what you see, and not with the heart, don’t you? This is whatever lots of people tend to do nowadays, and that’s what encourages a lot of people to wear a mask when they are in public. Why? Because they are scared. They are scared of being true, of being themselves. They are scared about the hearabouts, the critics, or whatever people may think about them. But wait a minute… Who are we to judge others? No one is perfect. Only God can judge us. Only God can determine the good and the bad within each of us. So why should we remain prisoner of that motherf*****g mask of hypocrisy, just to “please people”? Why is that easier for us to wear that mask of torture only to please people? It seems that we are really masochist nah? Because we prefer torturing our true inner self to please other imperfect humans like us… Instead of being true and having the guts to disturb the aura of hypocrite people and hypocrite society. Soooooooo sad!!!

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Madonna – “Truth or Dare” song video

 

 

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Sanctuary of Truth in Pattaya – Thailand

One day, I did some researches and then saw an ancient Indian Folklore about the Blind Men and the Elephant, which, according to that source, “tells the story of six blind sojourners that come across different parts of an elephant in their life journeys. In turn, each blind man creates his own version of reality from that limited experience and perspective. In philosophy departments throughout the world, the Blind Men and the Elephant has become the poster child for moral relativism and religious tolerance.” I saw another interesting source about that link since I saw the picture from the sanctuary of Truth in Pattaya, which was described in that source as “a very special place where Thai culture as well as religion, art and philosophy come together in perfect harmony.” Another proof on how elephant and truth perfectly match together. The statue of the three-headed elephant God known in Thailand as Erawan, which also represents the Hindu God Airavata, and is also a form of representation of the Hindu Trilogy Brahma the Creator, Vishnu the Keeper and Mahesh/Shiva the Destroyer, like depicted in that article. As you may have noticed, there are so many philosophies which turn around the link between the truth and the elephant. The articles about the three-headed elephant, and how it’s depicted in several Asian countries and in India coincides with the different perceptions of truth about the elephant from the blind men, for finally agreeing together that it’s an elephant that they have been touching. Each of the team members and bloggers who contribute into developing that interesting news room represents a fragment of that team based on “the truth, and nothing but the truth”, and each of them has a fragment of truth to bring and on which everyone will end by concluding that together, they all built… The Truth. Finally, another detail which came in my mind regarding that link between the truth and the elephant is about a video clip I once saw on YouTube, “Eyes of Truth” from Enigma, which depicts the scene of a young mother who sends her baby on a floating cot on a sacred river to an unknown destination. The mother is seen praying God Surya to protect her child. The child grows up and has an elephant as animal companion, which brings him to a sacred town where he is welcomed with flowers all over his pathway, in the same way Lord Jesus was welcomed as the Messiah in the Town of Jerusalem. After he reaches the soil, the baby is taken under the care of a mother elephant, who will become his animal companion and bring the young boy to a journey, where he will discover at the same time the beauty of Nepal, and also how the human being is destroying its beauty by putting fire in it. At the end of his journey, he is welcomed in that sacred city, where he is worshipped like a God Child, before quietly continuing his journey with the elephant. Truth exists within the eyes of every child, and what is sad is that we all forgot that we had an inner child within us, since we are enrobed in that world of superficiality, lies and hypocrisy every day.

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Moscow and Paris

I remember having recently read an article regarding the unforgettable experience of a French tourist who visited Russia, and who went back to his country with so many Russian friends and wonderful memories, which encouraged him to come back again. And when he came back after several years, though the political relationship between both countries recently deteriorated, his same Russian friends welcomed him with arms wide open and with the same kindness and hospitality, regardless to the political tensions between the two countries. This is another part of truth that we tend to base ourselves on: We base ourselves on what our Leaders are showing us, all this because… The example comes from above. I don’t agree on that point. The example comes from both above and below, and there the example should come from below. If the simple French citizen befriended the simple Russian citizen, then why shouldn’t two political leaders of those same countries take example on their friendship, which is a simple and pure friendship without any bias? This is another example on how the human being, when he becomes popular, makes his life and relationships complicated, whereas a simple truth between that French tourist and his Russian friends could perfectly attract their attention to improve their political relationship, not only for them both, but also for their own nations.

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The VW Factory in Germany

 

Finally, I would like to share with you all another point: One day, I saw an interesting building picture taken in Germany, but which unfortunately I couldn’t retrace back to share it with you. Meanwhile, I saw the one above during my researches, representing the VW factory in Germany, and which was a transparent building. This picture reminded me of another transparent building, maybe one of the rarest ones, that we have in Mauritius, which is our famous Mauritius Commercial Bank Building in Ebene, where you can openly see people working and moving in total transparency, including in the office restaurant on the groundfloor. Based on that fact, it’s time now for our society to change and to be settled on TRUTH BASIC, if we want our little island’s image to be taken as a perfect example of good governance and of good art of living for the Indian Ocean, the African Continent, the Commonwealth and the Rest of the World. So WAKE UP, Mauritius! And never feel sorry for telling the truth. Instead, be sorry for opting for the fake and change yourself. Because like Michael Jackson once sang, “If you wanna make the world a better place, just take a look at yourself, then make a change!”

The New Equation: Friends x Enemies = “Frenemies”

I remember that one day, during my college years, I came into a classroom for a next tuition. I was in secondary school, and we never stayed in the same classroom all the time, but always moved in different classrooms for our tuition. After the first morning break, I once moved into a classroom, for which the black board hadn’t yet been cleaned, and on which there was a maths tuition written from another teacher to another class before our arrival.

I wasn’t very strong in mathematics, but I remember a lesson of multiplication that I learnt so many times and that you all may remember well:

  • Plus x Plus = Plus
  • Minus x Minus = Plus
  • Plus x Minus = Minus
  • Minus x Plus = Minus

That teacher who wrote the lesson was reputed to be quite eccentric in his way of teaching maths. But though his teaching may have sound funny on that day, it really represented to me a true source of inspiration regarding my new life experiences as an adult. To help his students better understanding those equations, he used metaphors to symbolize those equations, defining the Plus as Friends, and the Minus as Enemies. Here was then the result of his new equation:

  • Plus x Plus = Minus –> The Friend of my Friend is my Friend
  • Minus x Minus = Plus –> The Enemy of my Enemy is my Friend
  • Plus x Minus = Minus –> The Friend of my Enemy is my Enemy
  • Minus x Plus = Minus –> The Enemy of my Friend is my Enemy.

It’s possible in Mathematics, that’s for sure. But it’s not always possible in real life. It is more complex than that and the life experiences I have been facing personally and which I would like to share with you prove that, as well that equation is perfect in mathematics, as well it’s imperfect in everyday life.

  1. The friend of my friend… may also be my worst enemy.

Incredible but true! That happened to me recently since I had the bad surprise of my life after a terrible incident happened between me and a friend of someone whom I really appreciated and whom I considered as my young brother of heart and young guru at the same time. One of his friends once sent me a friends request from her Facebook account, which accepted. For the four first days following approval of her friend request, we never talked to each other, until she approached me and revealed some surprising information regarding something which happened between her and my friend while he visited her overseas. I was so shocked that I thought that it was a hoax and that she was a mess maker who wanted to create some mess in my friend’s private life. Also, without even thinking about what I was doing, I reacted extremely violently and even insulted her, and I even made of that matter a public matter without my friend’s consent! That incident created some useless tensions among our group of friends and because of that, instead of seeing within me someone who tried to protect her dearest one’s privacy against a troublemaker, everyone turned besides him and all of them blamed me and turned against me, including himself. That girl who approached me said to be a friend of my friend, but not only did she become my enemy after what happened, but she also turned everyone in the group from friends to enemy… Including my friend himself! Today, not only we never reconciled, but we became sworn enemies, and that so-called friends dared even creating tensions in my marriage life by involving my husband in that matter! But my husband was clever enough to understand that this so-called friend of mine was in reality a ravenous wolf and a fake friend who only worried for his ego instead of worrying about other people and he never played my so-called friend’s game.

2. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. It’s possible. As well as it’s possible that my friend’s enemy can be my enemy. As well too that it’s possible that my friend becomes my sworn enemy… and that his or her own sworn enemy becomes my best friend.

Yes it’s possible. And that so-called friend of mine proved it right, since he dared brainwashing me against someone whom he dared calling a “friend” since they know each other on the college benches, but despite all, that so-called friend of mine dared tarnishing that “friend”‘s reputation, since he always mentioned that this “friend” always kept on competing with him all the time in an insane way to impress people instead of inspiring people. Like every blind follower, instead of trying to know more about that competitor, I blindly believed my so-called friend’s purposes and I immediately got disgusted against his competitive “friend” without even knowing him in person. But when my so-called friend and I turned sworn enemies, by myself I tried to know more about his competitor with my own opinion independently from others’ opinions, and what I noticed about his personality completely contrasted with all the lies, fake rumors and intox spread against him, not only by social platforms, but even from the local media. I was especially guilty since I saw a blog post he mentioned about, where he denounced a hater who created such a huge bunch of hatred against him, after he published a book about one of our most popular Political Leaders, and which was the result of such a hard work which made of that book a very popular one. It then reminded about my own fault, when myself I blindly trusted my ex-friend about him, and then I had the proof that my ex-friend got all wrong and that himself blindly followed the intox, rumors and hearsays against his competitor, whereas himself. I felt so guilty that I took the courageous initiative to apologise with the competitor, and a few days after the competitor came to know more about me and then told me frankly how I have been escaping from so far since, further to so many attacks against him, I and all the rest of the band could have been jailed for defamation. That made me guiltier, but at the same time, I think that I have been taught one of the toughest life lessons of my life. Maybe some of you won’t believe me, but I never apologised towards the competitor with a spirit of revenge against my ex-friend for having betrayed me, but I apologised towards the competitor since I came to know the truth about him with my own eyes and through my own researches about him. Words are more than enough to tarnish someone’s reputation and to blacken someone’s name, as well as attitude. But where I am thankful to my ex-friend is that, by wanting to influence me against that competitor, he gifted me a new friend within that competitor.

3. The friend of my enemy isn’t always my enemy… It can also be my friend.

I have experienced it so many times. A couple of years ago, further to some gossips a maid proclaimed between me and a good friend of mine, we turned from good friends to sworn enemies too, and this for years. That tension started also being spread on my husband’s professional situation, since my husband was working with my friend’s husband, who was his boss in the same company. Unfortunately, after we, as their wives, turned from friends to enemies because of that maid, who appeared between us as a ravenous wolf who could never bear seeing two women like us being so close to each other, she had the guts to put a mess between us and she succeeded for a couple of years. That created all a series of tensions between the both of us and those tensions also repercuted between our husbands, and then the friendship was temporarily broken. We had a couple of friends whom we had in common, but since the friendship was broken, our couple of friends were then forced to welcome us to their place separately. With time and space, the couple of friends made a try to make both our husbands having a first contact as a start of reconciliation. My husband didn’t mind talking to his ex-boss, since they were no more colleagues after the company shut its doors, and it seems that his ex-boss even burst in tears after he talked to my husband as someone who had a lot of regrets. Little by little they became closer and my husband’s ex-boss revealed to my husband about some serious issues he faced in his new job and which made that he was jobless. At first, I never accepted their reconciliation and persisted that I would keep my position against the ex-boss’s wife. But through time and space, our common friends made us understanding that the friendship between the two husbands and their common friends would be possible but in secret, since no reconciliation would be possible between the two wives. When I heard about it, then I started feeling guilty and then I took conscience that my friend truly loved me, but that I got foolishly blinded by that maid, who was a complete stranger and who succeeded creating a huge mess between the both of us. Also, I damned that maid in my heart, and I decided to repair my mistake by trying a first contact with my husband’s ex-boss, until I could do the first step with his wife. Little by little, all the dark clouds in our friendship got dissipated and our circle of friends got reunited again.

Another proof on how, from friendship to enmity, it’s possible to change, and this because of a third-party who had nothing to do between two friends and who should have stayed away from us, especially if it’s a total stranger or a maid. But the link with the title “the friend of my enemy can also be my friend” is that, as well our common friends esteemed my husband’s ex-boss and his wife, they estimated my husband and myself in an equal way and remained neutral between the altercation which occurred between us, even though they did their best to create a reconciliation between us through that first contact between our husbands. Another proof that it is possible is that, further to the enmity which took birth between me and that so-called friend of mine I mentioned before, in our circle of friends there was a lady who still esteemed him a lot since she had no personal issues with him, but who at the same time supported me greatly and showed me openly where I was right and where I was wrong, and obviously as well where he was right and where he was wrong, with the difference that, contrary to the common friends my husband, his ex-boss, his wife and I had in common, the lady never created any mediation between me and my ex-friend, but instead supported me, by at the same time showing me the right and the wrong and also sharing her own experiences with me, and thanks to her unconditional support and the support I had with some personal friends of mine, though it was very hard at the beginning, I succeeded into forgiving my ex-friend and to move on. Forgiving him not because I accepted what he did to me, nor because I want to be friends with him again, but simply because I estimate I had been suffering enough because of him and that I didn’t have any more strength nor courage to bear the sorrow he caused to me and the tears of blood he made me shedding for such a long time.

4. Finally, the friend of my enemy can also be… a “frienemy”… An enemy disguised as a friend.

Have you ever heard about the Biblical warning regarding false prophets who appear in front of you sheep-coated, but who are in reality ravenous and deceitful wolves? Have you also heard about the term “sugar-coated” words, but for which the inner taste is extremely bitter? This also applies for a “frienemy”, and God knows how many of them came to me when I had that altercation with my ex-friend… They came to me to have my version of the facts and by pretending to be besides me, but after I gave them my version of the facts, they reported me to my ex-friend, exactly as if they were selling me like a vulgar prostitute! That was exactly what I have been experiencing for so many years, not only through strangers, but even in my own family. Unfortunately, there have always been a lot of tensions between me and my parents, since I had the bad luck being a part of a toxic family, among them a passive and indifferent father, and an extremely authoritatian and narcissic mother, like I demonstrated in several of my writings. Things got worse further to that altercation between my parents and my in-laws several years ago, and what was more deceitful was that, most of my family members knew that my parents were wrong and that my mother was a narcissic person, but instead of supporting me, none of them was interested into having my personal version of the facts, and most of them remained indifferent in front of my sufferings and blindly listened to my mother as if they were listening to the Holy Scriptures! By the same way, a few of my family members pretended to support me by having my own version of the facts, but instead, they misused my purposes against me by repeating everything to my mother, and then I came to know that those relatives of mine acted as spies and were sent by my mother herself! What was most deceitful was that those relatives of mine who betrayed me were the ones I cherished the most in the past, and who didn’t even hesitate to stoop so low and to be so disloyal with me! So many years of so-called loyal relationship suddenly thrown in dustbin, which made of me the new black sheep of the family!

CONCLUSION

As well as mathematics represents an exact science art, it’s not the same thing for the feelings and relationship equations nowadays, in a world made of so much hypocrisy and ego. And “frienemies” are unfortunately not only among the strangers who bark uselessly because they don’t know you, but also among the society that you frequent, and even within your own circle and your own family. Remember when Lord Jesus was betrayed by Juda, one of his apostles, before being sentenced to death in exchange of the thirty pieces of silver. That was exactly how some of my relatives betrayed me because of my narcissistic mother. One of my relatives was offered a golden chain and a pair of ear rings in exchange of revealing all my confidences I did when I was in pain against my parents. One of them reconciled with my mother since she was thankful to my mother for having cherished her when she was still a little girl and since my mother proposed her hospitality during her holidays recently for her younger sister’s marriage. And so many of them are acting like this. Same for my so-called friend, who succeeded into attracting so many people who befriended me against me because of his overseas friend whom I once attacked in the framework of protecting my so-called friend’s privacy, and this by satisfying those people’s personal needs. And that is how “frenemies” appear: Fake friends who won’t hesitate to snatch you in exchange of some favors offered to them by your enemies. And for me, “frenemies” and “enemies” are the same, with the difference that “frenemies” are more difficult to recognize. The other difference as well is that it’s rare that enemies regret their past actions against you, but “frenemies”, when they come to know the truth about you, come to you and then repair their mistakes and apologise, but unfortunately most of the time too late. Finally, true friends are like precious stones but rare, and none of the poisonous gifts given to them by your sworn enemies will affect them, and they won’t even hesitate to throw those gifts in the enemies’ ugly faces as well. In illustration of all what I said, I have a special thought for my national idol and role model, Krishna Athal, who experimented also frenemity because of a certain Paul who didn’t hesitate to spread the mud in his name since his first book was published. But let’s say thank you to that bastard, because by creating such a vague of hatred against Krishna, he didn’t realize that he improved into contributing more into increasing his popularity:

Facebook: Where “Frenemies” come to meet

The Rising of a Female Voice from Konkan, Maharashtra

One year ago, I had the great pleasure to acknowledge a new friend of mine, a young artist from the beautiful but yet unknown region of Konkan located in Maharashtra. I never heard about that region before I acknowledged her, and as I am of curious nature, I discovered a small comment about that region, on which I may do more researches in a separate post, as it’s really worth to discover about it. Here is meanwhile what the post said: “A little-developed shoreline running south from Mumbai all the way to Goa, this picturesque strip of coast is peppered with postcard beaches, fishing villages and magnificent ruined forts. Travelling through this tropical backwater can be sheer bliss. However, remember that accommodation is scant and transport limited and a little unreliable. The best option, if you’ve the funds, is to rent a car in Mumbai and drift slowly down the coast to Goa. What you’ll get in return is an experience that money can’t buy.”

Until I provide you more details about that beautiful region, I would like, in that post, to talk about that bold, beautiful and brave friend of mine. Contrasting with the exotic shape of her native Konkan, the image of hers that she showed me really touched my heart and provoked some anger and rebellion within my heart as a woman. She gave me another proof on how parents’ love and support are important for any child. Her case is very specific also because unfortunately, her parents discriminate her from her elder brother, because she is a girl!!! Here was the whole conversation I had with her and which I am re-posting there, in reply to the post I wrote a couple of days ago regarding my miseducation:

“I have been faced somehow same like this…you know what sis, my parents sent my brother in private English medium school and I have completed my studies with government public school. .. just because I was female child. I was among toppers of my class yet I didn’t achieve a lot what my fellows achieved who were hardly passed…you know I’m in last year graduation but whatever I’m doing I do not have a little interest in it…I took first class marks every year but it is just that I study to get marks no personal interest in the subjects I’m studying on… I always did whatever my family decides for me…even though I started earning when I was just 12 years old…from that day I didn’t even ask pocket money to my parents. .. and till now I’m fulfilling all my expenses on my own. Yet my Dad isn’t happy with me..just because I’m not typical like them.. I was someone who wasn’t fear to dream…my younger brother told me dreams are not for us… Despite all I started hoping support from someone like every youngster hope to get…but after all my sacrifices surrenders I failed in my both loves…I was so depressed and alone..then started doing sketch art…I was starting doing better and better…And it was great support for me….but here also my family doesn’t want me to draw…they hate my artworks. ..I started with this identity to hide my real identity, just to stay connected with my art.” Then in reply to my “Confessions of a miseducated girl”, she replied: “I feel proud of you at least you have courage to tell this to the world …And thanks for build up courage on me… I really appreciate your honesty.”

I noticed, before my friend related me her story, that it’s a phenomenon that I have noticed especially in Indian families, where women don’t have their own rights to decide and this is very sad for a country which considers itself “modern”. They pretend that they are in favor of womanhood but in reality they are not, including in your family background. When you see out of your family background, you realize that even in the huge Bollywood industry, actresses are no more considered and even almost forgotten when they get married and have children. You merely now hear about some of them, like Lara Dutta, Shilpa Shetty, Raveena Tandon, Twinkle Khanna, who were solid references among the biggest actresses in the Indian cinema, but who are no more considered like before since they married and had children, apart appearing in a couple of movies only and in some publicity. But things are starting to change slowly but surely now in the cinema industry, since some bold and brave actresses like Vidhya Balan, Kareena Kapoor and Kalki Koechin, despite being married actresses, had the chance of having supportive husbands who encouraged them into continuing cinema. Even Madhuri Dixit, when her children grew older, left away her housewife gloves and stepped again into the Bollywood hall of fame… even daring to accept to shoot some bold scenes!

That was why I insisted with my little Konkan friend that she should never give up her dreams, and should rather take all what she is doing as a challenge. As she faces parents who are unable to understand her, I esteem that it’s time for her to spread her wings and fly! It’s the only solution to give her parents a good slap so that they stop making of her a pauper! According to me, as long as she will keep on bothering about what her parents think about her, she will always be sad and miserable. My Konkan friend has her beauty,personality and capacities, so is that always necessary for her to share all your stuffs with her parents and her brother ? Concerning her brother, why does he follow his parents’ dreams ? It’s because he knows that he is a boy and because he knows that he has more power on his shoulders as, even after marriage, he will keep on carrying the name of the family upon the shoulder, and maybe become the only heir of the family. I also begged her to let her brother being so if he wants, and prove to her parents that she has her right to be different and that they should stop always conducting her like they did before! I also found it a shame that they keep on discriminating her all the time because she is a girl! It was as if they wanted to tell you that it was HER fault if she were born a girl! NO IT’S NOT HER FAULT AS WELL AS IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT, IT’S GOD WHO DECIDED THAT SHE WOULD TAKE BIRTH AS A GIRL, did I yell to her! But the reality is that they always misjudge her, not because she is a looser, but because they have a problem with their own ego! I admit I have been rude by talking badly about her parents, but it’s incredible how such elder and experimented people like could misjudge and underestimate her values! Even once they marry my Konkan friend with someone of their choice, they don’t realize they will make her life sad and miserable and that she could end up depressed and maybe committing suicide!

Here was the conclusion I then insisted about with her, I quote: “As from now, STOP DEPENDING ON YOUR PARENTS’ OPINION AND FIGHT FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXIST AS A WOMAN! We are all here to help you being a bold and brave woman dear. I am sorry but unfortunately your parents really deserve a big slap because they must understand who you REALLY are and that you are NOT A PAUPER. They must start respecting you as well as you always respected and followed their decision as an intelligent and obedient girl. You followed their dreams and sacrificed your own dreams, and your parents abused of your silence and of your passivity. I have also been passing through that, though my parents put me in a high school and this only because they wanted to use me as a cobaye to get relieved from their frustrations, exactly like your parents are doing with you. They are using you only to get relieved of all THEIR PERSONAL FRUSTRATIONS, AND IT SHOULD STOP NOW ONCE FOR ALL! If you don’t react, your parents will keep on abusing on you and your life will turn hell! I am not saying all that because I want you to disrespect your parents. I never mentioned about that, let’s make things clear. It’s just that your parents need to be taught a very strong life lesson from you and that they should change their attitude towards you. It’s necessary, and that will help both you and your family feeding a much better and stronger relationship. Your parents should think of what could happen to you tomorrow. Imagine that you marry someone of their choice, you are mistreated, beaten, abused… They will keep on ignoring you ? Imagine that you get killed, or suffer from a very severe disease ? Does it mean they will let you dying and let you down ? NO! THEY DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THIS BECAUSE, HOWEVER THEY WANT IT OR NOT, YOU ARE THE FRUIT OF THEIR LOVE, EVEN BEING A GIRL! So sad though that they are so cheap minded and only are obsessed by the fact that you were born a girl and not a boy, which makes them blind about your good health, the good results you obtained at school though being in a government school, your talents, your capacities, your rebel soul and above all yourself. You can still make that change, Through your failures, you can be extremely successful. Myself I wish that contrary to me who failed in my relationship with my parents, you succeed into conquering their hearts, you succeed into bringing a change in their stubbornness and that you succeed into rebuilding correctly the foundation of your relationship with your parents. I can feel there is still hope for you, and we are ready to help you. I was furious when I read what you wrote… frankly speaking i want to slap your parents and your brother. sorry for my frankness but it’s true : stupid, cheap minded people!!! here is how I would consider your parents and sorry to tell you this, they don’t even deserve my respect, because true parents never discriminate their children, especially if they have one son and one daughter. they should be treated equally, despite being different.”

My Konkan friend, though, was generous through her answer, stipulating that it wasn’t her parents’ mistake, because their society is developed in the way, where there mindset made up in the worst way. Whole society mindset should be criticized. But I insisted on the fact that, even though society is developed like that, it still remains THEIR FAULT, because they could react and bring a change if they wanted so it’s because they have no will to change that they are like that with her. the fact that the society is like that is just an excuse they have in mind for not wanting to change. My Konkan friend agreed with me, but whatever they did with her, she doesn’t want them to be opposed or criticized. She then told me those words, which, by reading them today while proofreading that text, made me reflecting deeper about her strategy to fight against her parents’ stubbornness and disagreement: “It is just that I wanna find my own ways without giving any family excuses, and after all they are my parents, It is my duty to respect them. And I succeed in finding my ways like they didn’t bring me in English medium school but I learn English on my own, and now I’m doing social service on public school for teaching English to girls like me. They oppose my art I find this way to stay connected with my today my most favorite person Rehahn Hoian commented on my drawing. And soon I will show them what art can do. In my view life is full of hurdles ..despite criticizing or finding excuse we should find our own ways.”

Further to the traumatic experience I had with my own parents, I used some rude words regarding my Konkan friend’s parents. I respect the fact that she respects her parents above all despite the injustices she needs to face everyday because of them. But personally, if they were my parents, I wouldn’t have any respect for such parents like hers! I mention my words again:

1) It’s not because the SOCIETY is built in such a way that PARENTS should passively follow the rules of the family traditions of whole India. If they WANT, they can bring a CHANGE for making people reacting in children’s education!

2) Such parents react like that because they always consider women as the “weak sex”. They forget that it’s the woman who gives birth to the human race for 9 long months and how they suffer and bleed a lot while delivering their baby.

3) I am pretty sure that deep inside them, my Konkan friend’s parents are like that because they are conscious that my Konkan friend is capable and intelligent, but they are jealous of her success and are doing everything to make of her a pauper. I passed through that too with my parents, but I rebelled and fought a lot, and though I don’t have any more relationship with my parents, I don’t care at all because with time and space, I came to understand that the problem was not with me, but with THEM, because of their STUBBORNNESS and STUPIDITY. But personally I hope and wish that my Konkan friend, if she doesn’t give up what she is already doing, will conquer the heart of her parents and of her brother and that their relationship will improve a lot.

4) Through my Konkan friend’s example, I came to understand why women were not respected in Indian society in the daily routine: it’s because they do the same thing with their daughters, mothers, spouses and sisters even at home! If in their own house they are irrespective towards women, it means also that they will also be irrespective in society! I still remember when a compatriot of mine was travelling in the train from Mumbai to Pune, and when he met a woman with her little girl… The woman was forced to stand up and no men didn’t even dare to let her sitting comfortably to better enjoy her long trip. My compatriot, who was sitting also, saw the woman in difficulties, and he let his place in the train to the lady and sat on the floor, enjoying a good playing time with the little girl. And even though the floor was uncomfortable for sitting, my compatriot didn’t complain at all, and the lady befriended him through some snacks she shared with him 🙂 Isn’t that lovely? And I am sure that the other men who were staring at my compatriot were all disappointed and felt ashamed because of that simple gesture my compatriot did. What is the need then to be big bosses, whereas your education starts at home? And if my compatriot through a simple gesture did a great action, it’s thanks to the good education and support given by his parents since childhood.

I seize the opportunity to share with you another story, which directly happened in my in-laws. My husband has been growing up with most of his cousins being boys, but only one girl in the family and whom I really adore and admire. When my sister-in-law was born, as per what she related to me, all the family rejected her because she was a girl. She was very brilliant at school and always brought very good results, but she was always criticized and rejected because she was a girl. Due to all that pressure, my sister-in-law didn’t very brilliantly succeed her High School Certificate and had very average results. My husband was the only one who truly supported her and gave her courage to rise again, whereas the other family members didn’t even care about her and kept on criticizing her as a piece of shit because of her average exam results at school! My husband even invited her in Madagascar and encouraged her to follow a little course in Computer Science in the company where he was working, as she always wanted to study Electronics and Computer Science, and he even paid her for the course of his own pocket, because the course wasn’t an official one and the company wouldn’t remunerate her in such conditions. My sister-in-law was very thankful to my husband for his gesture, and myself I am very proud of my husband for his generosity towards her. But in addition to the critics, among her haters, my sister-in-law had one of her uncles who always criticized her because of her failure. But another uncle of hers told her the sentence which would help her rising again from her ashes “To be able to rise again, you must know the pain of falling down”. This sentence said it all. Since that, my sister-in-law started taking great care of her health and beauty, brilliantly succeeded her tertiary studies and accumulated several diplomas and professional experiences. Her ascension never stopped, and all the family members who criticized her all the time bent on their knees in front of her success. And the uncle who criticized her received a big slap from God, as his son retrieved himself unemployed for months and turned depressed since the company where he was working suddenly shut its doors!

You should never criticize nor underestimate the power of a common woman! Like late Sheikh Zayed, who was the founder of the United Arab Emirates once mentioned, “Educated women of today will become the mothers of tomorrow”. And this is what I truly hope for my Konkan friend and for every woman in our family and out of our family.