The complexity of the Sharing and Caring Philosophy

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I am writing that blog post, since in a couple of hours, some youngsters from the YUVA (Youth United Voluntary Action) from Mauritius, under the supervision of their young leader Krishna Athal, will be going into a small district in the country, where people live in poor conditions, to distribute some school materials to a lot of children who want to learn but who don’t have the necessary material tools to be able to learn properly. I may write about the lack of success in education in another blog post, since there are lots of interesting things to share together in it, but in that one I am actually writing, I am focusing especially on the generous action made by those Mauritian youngsters, and at the same time I would like the whole world to know more about them all because they are really worth to be discovered. I wrote some stuffs about their founder Krishna Athal in two blog posts, one where I describe him as a young rising political prodigy in the country, and another one where I reviewed his Wikipedia biography, and through those blog posts, I think that you will know much more about him. Regarding the YUVA movement, I recently read an interview of Krishna Athal where he was telling us more the YUVA movement, for which you can also find some more details on the website of the movement. But whatever Krishna mentioned in his interview, I think, will already give you a global clue about the movement itself:

The twelve Sustainable Development Goals are:

  1. Eradicate poverty in Mauritius in all its forms.
  2. Eradicate hunger, achieve food security and improve the quality of nutrition.
  3. Ensure good health and promote the well-being of all.
  4. Ensure quality education (civic and life).
  5. Promote gender equality and empower all women and girls.
  6. Promoting economic progress by encouraging youth entrepreneurship and providing facilities for start-ups.
  7. To ensure the regional integration with on the menu of programs of exchange with the youth of the neighboring countries.
  8. Take urgent action to combat climate change and its impact.
  9. Preserve the marine environment with the protection of beaches and ensure the sustainable use of the sea and marine resources.
  10. Encourage the love of sport and physical activity for all and for all ages.
  11. Exploit technology and encourage innovation by ensuring that an effective culture of techno permeates all sectors of society in every corner and corner of Mauritius.
  12. Encourage the love of art and culture by ensuring dynamic arts development and extending support to local artists.

I am in admiration in front of such wonderful youngsters, and if today I am focusing on their movement, it’s also to remind all of us that those twelve goals should be thought about in each human being’s lives and not only during some specific reasons.

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I have noticed that in Mauritius especially, people mostly choose the Christmas celebration to have a thought for the elderly, the poor and the needy, whereas those same poor people are forgotten during the rest of the year. But the Yuvans understood perfectly that sharing and giving was a question of attitude and not a question of occasion to give. There are NO occasions to give a part of you. Sharing and giving should be a part of us each and every day, independently from the Christmas celebration. Do you remember, when you were all children, about the fairy tale of the little match girl? If you read the summary of the story below, you will understand much better why this story should touch your hearts and why Christmas shouldn’t be the only occasion to share and give:

On a cold New Year’s Eve, a poor young girl tries to sell matches in the street. She is already shivering from cold and early hypothermia, and she is walking barefoot having lost her shoes.[1] Still, she is too afraid to go home, because her father will beat her for not selling any matches, and also as the cracks in the house can’t keep out the cold wind. The girl takes shelters in a nook or alley and sits down.[2]

The girl lights the matches to warm herself. In their glow she sees several lovely visions, including a Christmas tree and a holiday feast. The girl looks skyward and sees a shooting star; she then remembers her dead grandmother saying that such a falling star means someone is dying and is going to go to Heaven. As she lights the next match, she sees a vision of her grandmother, the only person to have treated her with love and kindness. She strikes one match after another to keep the vision of her grandmother alive for as long as she can.

After running out of matches the child dies, and her grandmother carries her soul to Heaven. The next morning, passers-by find the child dead in the nook, frozen with a smile on her face, and guess the reason for the burnt-out matches beside her. They feel pity for her, although they had not shown kindness to her before her death. They have no way of knowing about the wonderful visions she saw before her death or how gloriously she and her grandmother are now celebrating the New Year in Heaven.[3]

That story also is worth to be meditated. We tend to choose some special occasions, especially Christmas, to do shopping for our loved ones and for people whom we will see only once a year and afterwards who will disappear in front of our eyes for the rest of their lives. With a hypocrite feeling, we will want as well to share and give to the needy because of the joy of Christmas. But as soon as the Christmas festivities are gone, the sharing and giving is gone together with them. In my family-in-law, for Christmas and the New Year Eve, each family member shares and gives some gifts between themselves… But when the celebrations are over, each family member goes aside, at the exception of a few of them who still live in solidarity with each other. In Mauritius as well, it’s the same thing. Though the country highly got developed, the needy are forgotten during almost all the year in their struggle and misery, but are remembered only for Christmas. Those people, like the ones who succeeded in life, maybe didn’t have all the tools nor the luck to be able to succeed in life and they are very often misjudged and taken for passive and lazy people. To be honest with you, this is all the time what I hear from my in-laws, who belong to the category of people who escaped from poverty with their own weapons without depending on anyone. They always tend to think that, because they succeeded through the fruit of their own sacrifices, everybody should follow them as an example. This is not true. See the videoclip from The Script’s “Superhero” and all what I wrote about them in my blog post “Johannesburg Superheroes“. Did that brave single father choose to live in poor conditions and to lie to his daughter about his true situation as a scavenger, pretending that he was working in an office, only to hide to his daughter the truth about his situation to be able to see a smile upon her face when he comes back home? No he didn’t. Did those people living in poor conditions in Mauritius choose to live like that, with all their dreams shattered away despite their long fight to survive? No, they didn’t. Alike that South African father, those people living in poor conditions did their very best to fight in life for having an earning, but they didn’t have the appropriate tools nor support from others to be able to survive and to make progress in life. The story of the little match girl perfectly represents those same people: As per the summary, she is sent in the cold winter by her violent father to sell matches for an earning, since it was the only source of revenue which may perhaps help them surviving. Did the little girl choose that kind of life? No she didn’t. And instead, through those matches she saw so many lovely dreams in front of the match lights such as a wonderful Christmas meal, a Christmas tree, children playing together in the snow etc. But no one paid attention about her dreams because they were too selfish doing their Christmas shopping for their loved ones that they didn’t even care about her own situation as a poor girl, nor about her struggle face to her violent father. And when she died, it was too late, because people may have pitied her, but no one did even care about her dreams behind those matches. I saw so many people living in those conditions as well in Madagascar and in South Africa by trying to sell their stuffs in the streets for an earning, but with increase of insecurity, people were scared to approach them since people feared having business with dealers. Even my husband and I, to be honest, as expatriates in Madagascar and as tourists in South Africa, we thought exactly the same way. But who could guess that behind those people there was the soul of that same little match girl within them?

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However, sharing and caring also has its medal reverse. I was looking for some meanings on Quora and then I saw an answer to the question “What does sharing is caring mean?” There was an answer which attracted my attention, and which reminded me about a good friend of mine who focussed on the point of sharing so much but not receiving anything in return:

At first, that seemed like a pretty simple question to answer. But I just now gave it a bit more thought. Simply put, if one shares, surely one cares. But that’s not so simple, depending, for one, on what it is you’re sharing. Food, shelter, clothing, your time, your money – those are good sharing examples. But say you share high sugar candy with someone you know is a diabetic – that’s not caring. The same for sharing hard-core drugs with an addict, a young person, anyone not on their death bed; that action could lead to dire consequences regarding health, life in general, time in jail. Another form of negative sharing doesn’t have such awful outcomes for the recipient – in fact, no bad outcomes. But it may have negative results for the giver’s subconscious, for their karma, and how they want to be viewed by their society. If you’re in church, as an example, and the offering plate has begun its rounds, you make very sure that everyone sees you writing a check, as opposed to having it ready before services, and that you place the check face-up in the plate as it passes by you. That’s outwardly egotistical; you want anyone who sees that check to know you as a very generous person, especially if the check is substantial compared to others. Inwardly, your heart may swell a bit, but not as much as your head, and at the same time your “true self” realizes the real “why” of your generous donation. So, sharing for a knowable good is always good, but maybe not always for the giver. I try to remember that real altruism means that one gives without any reward from society, including recognition. That’s real caring. “You are what you think,” said Siddhartha Gautama.

Unfortunately I have completely lost the historic of the conversation I had with my friend on LinkedIn, but I remember that my friend told me having created a group on Facebook on which each member would help each other in an equal way to cultivate solidarity with each other, but very few unfortunately replied to his request and the group didn’t succeed. He also mentioned about a Pakistani friend of his who tried to do the same thing through a group she created, and which unfortunately failed and brought to her lots of deceptions. It’s true that sharing and caring can be a good thing, but not all the time. Like Michael Jackson sung in “Heal the World”, “Love is strong, it only cares of joyful givings”. Another type of negative sharing that I have known is among my family and my in-laws. I remember how some family members who succeeded in life tend to be generous only with the ones who succeeded in life, and not the ones who were rejected from the family. My parents, for example, who were among the richest family members in the patriarchal one, never invited some of my family members because they were living in poor conditions and underestimated. My father-in-law always keeps on being generous with those who stab him behind his back instead of being generous with my mother-in-law and even with my husband, who is the only child who takes care of him and who provides him financial help regularly, and this with my total approval, but in return he is never generous with us, and favors my brother-in-law and my sister-in-law more than they do for us and for my mother-in-law. But I firmly believe in Karma, and the way my parents and my father-in-law discriminate others is returning against themselves. In my case, one family member of mine became close friends with me after 20 years, and she was among the ones everyone rejected because of her dark skin and poor condition living. But as well as she was rejected from the family, as well today she is praised in her new home country UK, since they love her skin color and succeeded in life professionally and materially. She kept on sharing and caring all the time despite her success, but instead of appreciating her, everyone kept on underestimating her and misusing her. But though I have nothing to give her materially, I have at least my caring left, and I understood on how caring for her is a lesson that my family members never taught me and that I had to be taught on my own. For my father-in-law, for the moment I didn’t have any signs for his discriminatory way of sharing, but I am convinced that one day it will go against him when it comes on caring, since he kept on sharing with the bad ones instead of the good ones, and same thing applied as well when it came on caring.

Indeed the fact that those youngsters from YUVA are generously donating with a kind heart, maybe they won’t receive the same help in return, but they will be blessed in other ways in the future. So keep on sharing and caring… But don’t do it in a discriminatory way because every human being is equal. If you have that true spirit of sharing and caring, do it with everyone, the rich, the middle and the poor. Do it as well with the educated and the illiterate. Do it as well with the healthy and the disabled. But if you have that discriminatory spirit, then better don’t share nor care at all.

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Mauritius: In the roots of a multi-linguistic nation

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This afternoon, through my brand new Twitter account, a compatriot of mine published on his wall a multiple choice question, where Mauritian people were asked in which language they enjoy writing the most. In answer to that multiple choice question, we had choice between English, French, Mauritian Creole and Oriental Language.

Mauritius, as per the details that you will retrieve in that historical complete article, is a widely diversified people composed with people having Creole, Indian, Chinese, French and African origins. Most of the Mauritian population is especially composed with Indians, mostly originated from the states of Bihar, Tamil Nadu, Maharashtra, Gujarat and Andhra Pradesh, with a minority also coming from Punjab. There is also a vast population of Mauritians of Muslim faith as well, of Indo-Pakistani origins. Due to that diversity of cultures, though most of the Mauritian culture finds its inheritance within India, several dialects and languages are spoken. The two official administrative and legal languages used in Mauritius are English and French, especially English, since before being proclaimed independent on 12th March 1968, Mauritius was a British Colony and kept on following the rules based on the British administration and education, especially in public sector. There are also some other dialects spoken in Mauritius, but only within each community. The Chinese Mauritians speak and learn at school their ancestral dialect Mandarin and, for a minority of them, Cantonese as well. The Muslim Mauritians, due to their Indo-Pakistani origins, speak and learn at school Urdu, which is a dialect derived from Arabic in Pakistan, Punjab and Muslim India. Finally, the Indian Mauritians of Hindu faith practice and learn Hindi, Tamil, Telugu, Gujarati and Marathi, depending on the state from which they are originated. The White Mauritians mostly practice read, written and spoken French, since for the majority of them, they originate from France, though Mauritius was a British colony. However, the Creole community, originating from Africa, never imported any African dialect of its own (Swahili, Zulu, Xhosa, etc.), and they manage either in English, French or Creole. Regarding the Creole language, we have to put a big plan on it, and also on the Creole community, since there are so many things to shell in them which should be understood by the Mauritian community. Through that blog post, as I promised to my compatriot, I will try my best to answer, in a more constructive way, to his answer regarding the languages we would use to write the most in Mauritius between those four choices.

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English as First Choice. Why?

As I mentioned before, English is the preferred read, written and spoken language within the Mauritian population. It has first of all a coincidence with the fact that before having been proclaimed an Independent country, Mauritius was under British colonization, and all the administration and educational sector was mostly based upon the British rule. Even after its independence, Mauritius still kept the British administrative process, as well in professional life as in the public educational sector. I tried to do some researches about English being the predominant language of the country, even after its Independence in 1968, and that article 14-3 contains a paragraph, which may explain the reason behind this, I quote: “In short, the situation of English in Mauritius seems to be problematic; its existence seems to be a burden rather than a help to the population. However, the situation also has positive aspects and positive arguments can be adduced in favour of the existence of English and its various functions in the independent state (since 1968). Mauritius was an English colony from 1810 till 1968 and since then it has been a member of the Commonwealth of Nations. English, therefore, has a tradition and a permanent place as the official language and the language of administration, politics and the school system, which is organised on the English model. Apart from these historical facts, its neutrality distinguishes it from French inside the country. For external relations, the role of English as a world language and, above all, as one of the official languages in India is very important. It allows close contact to be kept with the lands of origin of the majority of the population, India and Pakistan – and this is done much more efficiently than would have been possible with the help of the Indian languages, which are now quite clearly declining in Mauritius.” English being a universal language is a sort of mystery for Mauritius, but even for the rest of the world. I have a British French pal, who put his profile picture on his social platforms with a message stipulating “Keep calm and speak English” as he defends English as the universal language spoken worldwide. He once even related me that in England, if you talk to an English person in another foreign language, the very first thing that the English person will ask you in return is to speak English, since he or she defends the native language of his or her country. On that point I give the English native right. I also remember how my little boy struggled a lot at school since his native language was French, whereas he started his scholarship at the International School of Seychelles, where the only language used at school for education is English, and I remember how isolated he was because of the language barrier. His second year teacher in KG1 (FS2 as per the British Curriculum) once cracked my son when my son insisted to speak French with us, telling him very frankly that he had to speak English since he didn’t understand French. Also, my husband and I had to start speaking English with him so that he could adapt quickly within the school environment and activities. Since that day, we didn’t stop speaking English with him, though from time to time, we are used to come back to his native French language. But now, the question I am asking myself is that, if my son’s school he was studying in Seychelles and if my son’s school right now in Abu Dhabi is also an International school, how could it be that the International School of Seychelles follows a British Curriculum, and the actual International School where my son is actually going in Abu Dhabi follows the American curriculum, which resembles a lot to the British one but with more extra-curriculum activities? And how is it that so many International schools, instead of following an International Curriculum with several cultures and languages spoken, mostly follow instead the British Curriculum, and having everything taught in English and not in another language? Here we should interest ourselves mostly to the latest question, since nowadays English is still considered as the global worldwide language. An article answers to that question completely and on that purpose, I am thinking especially about Republic of South Africa during the Apartheid. I remember that last year, my husband and I were visiting Johannesburg with a local guide, and I wrote a very long blog post containing some extracts about the rebellion of students during the Apartheid period and the martyr of student Hector Pieterson, when the Black students were rebelling against learning and practicing of Afrikaans, which was a language imposed by the pro-apartheid government to them, to isolate them from the rest of the population, since they were not given the right to speak, nor to practice English. They rebelled against Afrikaans language, since they were fighting for their right of learning and practicing English as well as every other South African people of ethnicity differing from theirs and considered English to be equally taught for all South Africans. To come back to the Mauritian context, as per the PDF document also stipulated, English as the main language is a tradition which dates from about 200 years ago and which cannot be forgotten. Alike my son, French was my native language, since Creole was forbidden at home, as I came from a very affluent family due to my father who was a Freemason and had a honorable position as the first Anesthetist who started practicing in Mauritius after he completed his 14-year studies in England, Ireland and India. Because I was speaking French, and since we had some relatives settled in France, my mother always wanted me to follow mostly a scholarship based on French Curriculum, and also I have been following my whole primary and secondary scholarship at the Lycee la Bourdonnais, which follows the French Curriculum and which is linked with the French Alliance of Mauritius and the Academy of Reunion Island. In the French curriculum, it was French which was the predominant language, whereas English was learnt as a secondary language. Despite all, I recognize today, though I always cultivated a true passion for English learning since I started learning it in primary school at only the age of 8 years old, how English was indispensable for my daily life, especially in an Anglo-Saxon country like Mauritius and since I have been travelling in several English-speaking countries such as England, Singapore, Malaysia, Republic of South Africa, United Arab Emirates, Canada and Seychelles. during my marriage life and during my teenage years. Today English is helping me a lot for my daily life and even for my son’s education since he goes in an English-speaking International school and must speak English permanently. And today, even when I blog, I favor English for my audience, even though on some of my social platforms I also express myself in my native language French.

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French as second choice. Why?

I found the answer again in the PDF document, and it is linked also with the fact that, due to my family position since I was born, French was spoken at home instead of Creole language. First of all, there is a presence of French Mauritian people in Mauritius, though they represent only 3% of the whole Mauritian population. Here is what the article stipulates again about them, I quote, “The Franco-Mauritians, who represent less than 3% of the total population, are by far the most influential social force in the island, and they continue to play a dominant role in the sugar, manufacturing and tourist industries. This, and the fact that their way of life, and most important, their form of speech is closest to that exemplified by the media, means that they represent an ideal for the “coloured” population, and gradually for the rest of the population, thus exerting a sociolinguistic influence beyond their numerical importance.” But to come on the French language importance, according to that article, here is the extract which explains how French also has its predominant place in the Mauritian population, but mostly as a prestige language than an administrative language:

Despite more than a century and a half of British rule and the imposition of English as an official language, French has maintained its position as the prestige language of Mauritius. Fluency in French is more closely linked to advancement in the social hierarchy, and happens to be indicative of intelligence and good breeding, especially in the eyes of the “General Population”. According to Barnwell and Toussaint (1949), there is considerable evidence to suggest that between 1840-1870, the British administration tried to make the inhabitants of Mauritius native speakers of the English language. But the decisions to anglicise the colony came a bit too late, since French had already established itself as a strong language with the help of the British colonisers themselves. As long as military and political control remained in the hands of the British, they were content to allow the French to remain in a dominant and privileged position. Hence, the French continued to dominate the linguistic and economic life of the island. In 1992, when Mauritius became a parliamentary republic, it remained a member both of the Commonwealth and the ‘Francophonie’.

French language has an evident role to play worldwide, since for so many centuries, France was considered as the heart of the European society, culture, history and monarchy and French language was and is still considered as a prestige language, especially in Mauritius. Like I mentioned before, when I was born, I was taught to always express myself in French and it was badly seen for my parents if I spoke Creole, including with my friends, family members and with even the maids who were working for us at home! A Mauritian who speaks, reads and writes French very well is highly considered as someone literate and cultivated, compared to a Mauritian who has weak knowledge in French, despite having a high knowledge in English as the predominant Mauritian language. In my previous paragraph, the document mentioned Mauritius as a member of the “Francophonie”. It would be interesting to know a little more about the Francophonie and how it appeared worldwide. According to Wikipedia, “The convention which created the Agency for Cultural and Technical Co-operation (Agence de Coopération Culturelle et Technique) was signed on 20 March 1970 by the representatives of the 21 states and governments under the influence of African Heads of State, Léopold Sédar Senghor of Senegal, Habib Bourguiba of Tunisia, Hamani Diori of Niger and Prince Norodom Sihanouk of Cambodia. The missions of this new intergovernmental organization, based on the sharing of the French language, are the promotion of the cultures of its members and the intensification of the cultural and technical cooperation between them, as well as the solidarity and the connection between them through dialogue. The Francophonie project ceaselessly evolved since the creation of the Agency for Cultural and Technical Co-operation, it became the intergovernmental Agency of the Francophonie (Agence intergouvernementale de la Francophonie) in 1998 to remind its intergovernmental status. Finally in 2005, the adoption of a new Charter of the Francophonie (la Charte de la Francophonie) gives the name to the Agency of international Organization of the Francophonie (Organisation internationale de la Francophonie).[9]“.

Another extract is worth to be known about the missions behind the Francophonie: “The International Organization of the Francophonie leads political actions and multilateral cooperation according to the missions drawn by the Summits of the Francophonie. The Summits gather the Heads of states and governments of the member countries of the International Organization of the Francophonie where they discuss international politics, world economy, French-speaking cooperation, human rights, education, culture and democracy. Actions of the International Organization of the Francophonie are scheduled over a period of four years and funded by contributions from its members.[36] The Charte de la Francophonie defines the role and missions of the organization. The current charter was adopted in Antananarivo, on 23 November 2005. The summit held in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso on 26–27 November 2004 saw the adoption of a strategic framework for the period 2004–2014. The four missions drawn by the Summit of the Francophonie are:

  1. Promoting French language and cultural and linguistic diversity.
  2. Promoting peace, democracy and human rights.
  3. Supporting education, training, higher education and scientific research.
  4. Expand cooperation for sustainable development.[36]

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What about the Creole language? Big plan on the Creole language in Mauritius and worldwide

Still referring in the Mauritian context, here is the extract of the PDF article regarding the use of the Creole language in Mauritius, and how Creole language is considered as a cheap language: “The consolidation of Creole has not yet progressed to the point where it could replace English. Besides, it is not (yet) regarded as a fully-fledged language by large sections of the population, and is therefore unlikely to be accepted. The one alternative left is French, the language of the francophone, white section of the population. The language of the sugar industry owned by the Franco-Mauritians remains French. Since the colonial period, this has been the trend. The senior positions in this sector are generally occupied by Franco-Mauritians, who go to great lengths to promote French. According to Benedict (1961), “Franco-Mauritians make a point of using French among themselves, only employing Creole to address servants and employees of low status”. To use Creole in the wrong context is to commit a serious blunder. Therefore, French is used by the sugar sector, both in its oral and written forms. Reports, publications and journals are published in French. However, the mass of the employees of the industry are either sugarcane-cutters or factory workers who either speak Bhojpuri or Creole (the other ethnic languages being restricted to formal classroom contexts). This will therefore decrease the influence of the French language, which remains the language of a minority group.” Frankly speaking, when I read those lines, I am very angry since it reminds me of my own personal experience regarding the Creole language. Since Creole speaking was forbidden at home, except with the maids working for us, I could only start speaking Creole at the age of 9 years old with my very first Creole word, “Ou”, which means “You”. What was funny too was that within both my matriarchal and patriarchal families, everybody was speaking Creole, but there was a glimpse of megalomania within my matriarchal family, since they were all of African Creole origins, since they very often also tended to express themselves in French. Why? Is that a complex of inferiority since they have been underestimated and deprived from their African inheritance since their ancestors were brought as slaves to Mauritius? Only God knows about it. The Creole Community of Mauritius, especially those who come from more rural regions, claim their pride for the Creole culture very openly through their songs, the traditional Mauritian sega music which is an inheritance from the African slaves, who imported that dance and kind of music in the country when they were having fun at night before going to bed. But once more, the sega, though today it became better accepted within the Mauritian culture, was considered as a low kind of music. According to Wikipedia, “Sega was for long looked down upon because it was the music of slaves.[7] It was also looked down upon by the Catholic Church, which was not keen on its association with sexuality and alcohol.[8] Until the Mauritian Ti Frère became popular in the 1960s, sega was only played in private places.[1] A particularly big turning point was his performance at the Night of the Sega at Mount Le Morne on 30 October 1964.[7] It is now considered the national music of Mauritius and not restricted by ethnicity.” It’s very sad though that the Mauritian population considers the Creole community only as descendants of slaves coming from Africa and Madagascar and that their vision about the Creole community stops there and doesn’t go further. It would be interesting to better know more about the Creole population, not only in Mauritius but also worldwide. The extract of that article, though it mostly refers to the History of the Creole people in USA, maybe could better help us understanding the truth behind the diversity of the Creole culture in Mauritius and even in the Seychelles, and completely denies the fact that Creole people are descendants of slaves: “The term Creole was first used in the sixteenth century to identify descendants of French, Spanish, or Portuguese settlers living in the West Indies and Latin America. There is general agreement that the term “Creole” derives from the Portuguese wordcrioulo,which means a slave born in the master’s household. A single definition sufficed in the early days of European colonial expansion, but as Creole populations established divergent social, political, and economic identities, the term acquired different meanings. In the West Indies, Creole refers to a descendant of any European settler, but some people of African descent also consider themselves to be Creole. In Louisiana, it identifies French-speaking populations of French or Spanish descent. Their ancestors were upper class whites, many of whom were plantation owners or officials during the French and Spanish colonial periods. During the eighteenth and nineteenth century, they formed a separate caste that used French. They were Catholics, and retained the traditional cultural traits of related social groups in France, but they were the first French group to be submerged by Anglo-Americans. In the late twentieth century they largely ceased to exist as a distinct group. Creoles of color, the descendants of free mulattos and free blacks, are another group considered Creole in Louisiana.” Furthermore, here is another interesting extract of that same article which is worth to be discovered about the Creole: “With imported furniture, wines, books, and clothes, white Creoles were once immersed in a completely French atmosphere. Part of Creole social life has traditionally centered on the French Opera House; from 1859 to 1919, it was the place for sumptuous gatherings and glittering receptions. The interior, graced by curved balconies and open boxes of architectural beauty, seated 805 people. Creoles loved the music and delighted in attendance as the operas were great social and cultural affairs. White Creoles clung to their individualistic way of life, frowned upon intermarriage with Anglo-Americans, refused to learn English, and were resentful and contemptuous of Protestants, whom they considered irreligious and wicked. Creoles generally succeeded in remaining separate in the rural sections but they steadily lost ground in New Orleans. In 1803, there were seven Creoles to every Anglo-American in New Orleans, but these figures dwindled to two to one by 1830. Anglo-Americans reacted by disliking the Creoles with equal enthusiasm. Gradually, New Orleans became not one city, but two. Canal Street split them apart, dividing the old Creole city from the “uptown” section where the other Americans quickly settled. To cross Canal Street in either direction was to enter another world. These differences are still noticeable today. Older Creoles complain that many young Creoles today do not adhere to the basic rules of language propriety in speaking to others, especially to older adults. They claim that children walk past homes of people they know without greeting an acquaintance sitting on the porch or working on the lawn. Young males are particularly criticized for greeting others quickly in an incomprehensible and inarticulate manner.” As per what I have understood through those extracts, the Creole people have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they are descendants of slaves. They have several mixed origins, but decided to defend their culture, not by abiding on their ancestors’ culture and rituals, but mostly acting as individualists and free-spirited people. This is exactly that kind of philosophy that the Seychellois people defend, and they don’t even hesitate to make of Creole an official language and culture, as the individualist culture of the Seychellois archipelago. Unfortunately in Mauritius, apart the rural Afro-Creole community who still dares to proclaim the Creole language and culture through engaged artists and activists, Creole is still considered by other communities as a low-class culture and language, and Wikipedia very merely gives details about the expansion of the Creole culture in the island, an explanation which may perhaps be compensated with the previous detailed description of the Creole community from USA. Nonetheless, despite being underestimated as a community and language, Creole is now spoken by almost the whole Mauritian population nowadays. The Creole language still remains informal despite a shy start of its promotion within the educational and literary section as per those two extracts from the WikipediaWikipedia: “The British took over Mauritius during the Napoleonic era, but few English-speakers ever settled there and by then Mauritian creole was firmly entrenched. The abolition of slavery in the 1830s enabled many Mauritian creoles to leave the plantations, and the plantation owners started bringing in Indian indentured workers to replace them. Though the Indians soon became, and remain, a majority on the island, their own linguistic fragmentation and alienation from the English- and French-speaking white elite led them to take up Mauritian creole as their main lingua franca. English and French have long enjoyed greater social status and dominated government, business, education, and the media, but Mauritian creole’s popularity in most informal domains has persisted. (…) The Mauritian government began supporting an orthographic reform in 2011, with a system that generally follows French, but eliminates silent letters and reduces the number of different ways in which the same sound can be written. This was codified in the Lortograf Kreol Morisien (2011) and used in the Gramer Kreol Morisien (2012) as well. It has become standard upon its adoption by the second edition of the Diksioner Morisien (which previously had been spelled as the Diksyoner Morisyen).[4]

I remember having had the opportunity to buy two albums from the adventures of Tintin and Snowy, which Mauritian writer Shenaz Patel translated in Creole. Seeing the Mauritian Creole starting to have its place, not only through the Mauritian sega, but within also the educational sector and Mauritian literature, should have been a pride for us. But yet, despite the efforts made to have the Mauritian Creole language accepted as a part of our local culture instead of an informal language, the Mauritian population still remains very reluctant regarding the use of Creole within families. If I take example on myself, neither my son, nor his elder cousin (my husband’s brother’s son) are allowed to speak Creole in society nor within the family background, even though in both my family and my husband’s family, Creole was always the only language spoken, since according to our elders, they wanted the new generation of children arising to be affluent in both English and French, since those two languages represent the symbol of the well educated Mauritian citizen. Imagine, from that point, my in-laws’ pride when they hear my husband’s nephew speaking French and my son speaking English 😀

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The Oriental language in Mauritius

As I mentioned before, there are several oriental dialects spoken in Mauritius, but which is intern to each community existing in the country: Mandarin and Cantonese by the Sino-Mauritian community, Urdu by the Muslim community, Hindi, Tamil, Telugu, Gujarati and Marathi within the Hindu community. I will not refer to the extract of that document anymore, but as a Mauritian, I am really stunned seeing that each Asian community learns its own community and ancestral language at school, and that there is no openness of language exchanges between each community. To refer first to the learning of the native language, there is something that I really don’t understand, when I see how the Indian dialects are taught at school: Tamil taught for the Tamil-speaking community, Telugu taught for the Telugu-speaking community, Marathi taught for the Marathi-speaking community, absence of Gujarati and Punjabi learning though there is a minority of Gujarati originated Mauritians in the country, Urdu learning only within the Muslim community… And to crown the whole thing, Hindi taught to the… Bihari community! And not its local dialect Bhojpuri, which is put at the same level as the other dialects in Mauritius! Now, to recapitulate, I don’t understand why there is no Gujarati nor Punjabi taught in Mauritius. There is a small community of Gujarati Hindus in Mauritius, and I know a few of them though they are rare. I also saw some Punjabi people walking in the streets and who were from Mauritius as well. They exist, so why are they deprived from learning Gujarati and Punjabi, and why did those two minorities accept that discrimination passively? Regarding the Urdu language, since it’s derived from Arabic, it’s especially taught within the Muslim community of Mauritius only! How could it be that a language spoken should have a link with the religion? That’s ridiculous! The Holy Bible and the Holy Quran, for example, have been translated in so many languages of the world, including Tamil, Mandarin, and who knows especially for the Holy Bible, maybe also in Arabic in some countries. How is it then that the Holy Scriptures in the Bhagavat Gita and the Ramayana are purely in Sanskrit only and not translated in English for better knowledge of it by non Hindus or non-Hindi speaking people, but instead are re-interpreted in English and French in books written by English-writing and French-writing authors? Finally, the best of all: The underestimation of the Bhojpuri language, which is the local dialect taught in the region of Bihar, where so many Indo-Mauritians proclaim to be originated from… but instead, they learn HINDI at school! Why? Wouldn’t it be better that all the Indian Mauritians learn Hindi as the basic Indian language, and then their own regional dialect in second position, including Gujarati, Punjabi and Bhojpuri? I am very sad to see how the Bhojpuri language has been placed at the same low position as the Creole language in Mauritius, as well as the deprivation of the Bihari culture. The Tamil people included some festivals such as the Thaipoosam Cavadee dedicated to Lord Muruga, one of Lord Shiva’s sons. The Telugu people included the Ugadi festival, which is dedicated to Lord Vishnu. The Marathi people included Gudi Padwa and Ganesh Chathurti, which are typical Marathi celebrations, one of them being dedicated to the Elephant God Ganesha. But where is the true Bihari culture, apart the Bhojpuri songs in Mauritius? All I see are global Hindu festivals celebrated by the Bihari… But not purely Bihari religious festivals nor cultural festivals. See for example that article recapitulating the main festivals celebrated in Bihar. Though most of the festivals celebrated there are generally celebrated in whole India, Bihar also has its specific religious celebrations, such as the Bihula, for example, since “Bihula is a prominent festival of eastern Bihar especially famous in Bhagalpur district. There are many myths related to this festival. People pray to goddess Mansa for the welfare of their family.” Regarding the Gujarati and Punjabi minorities I am sad I couldn’t retrieve anything about them in my researches. That is really sad since they are very close to their traditions, especially songs, dances and wedding celebrations, like as I witnessed when I assisted my neighbors’ children’s weddings, since they were of Gujarati origins. Regarding Punjab, I never saw any Punjabi festivals in Mauritius. But since Indo Mauritians are big fans of Bollywood music and movies, they also fell in love with Punjabi music, especially Banghras, with some Punjabi artists like Yo Yo Honey Singh, Daler Mehndi, Hard Kaur, Bally Sagoo, Sukhbir and so many more, but it stops here. There are no even temples dedicated to the Sikh Guru Nanak for that minority and no one seems even to wander about the existence of that minority in Mauritius. Secondly… Okay, I will mention it, but as the conclusion of my blog post instead.

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CONCLUSION

It’s very sad that each community jealously preserves its culture and ancestral dialect instead of sharing it with other communities, and that is also one of the main reasons why Mauritius still remains prisoner of its chains of Communautarism: I am myself a mixed girl with Afro-Creole, Indian and maybe European origins in my blood. I have been taught, while following the French Curriculum, not only to learn French and English, but also another European language and I chose German. Nonetheless, at school you had German, Spanish, Latin, Russian and Afrikaans which were among the languages  you could learn there and I found that wonderful, especially for the Latin as a classical language. So, if a French school proposed so many languages, including a classical one and an African one, though Afrikaans was considered as a torture language during Apartheid (maybe the school ignores about it and that was why maybe they also proposed it), then why don’t all the Mauritian schools propose ALL the languages to be taught by ALL Mauritians together with English and French… and even include the Mauritian Creole language? That is what I will never agree about… Language is a way of opening your ways to the rest of the world, and if Mauritians only keep on focusing on English, French, Creole and their own community’s dialect, how do they want Communautarism to stop? That’s the question!!! It’s easy for Mauritians to learn new European languages or African dialects, but why don’t they proceed the same with all the actually existing dialects in their own country, which could maybe contribute widely into reducing the communautarism in Mauritius? As a mixed girl, if the opportunity was given to me to do it and if I had the capacities to do it, I would have done it, starting with Hindi as my ancestral patriarchal language before knowing more about Bhojpuri from my Bihari origins and other existing dialects… Including Urdu. My son may perhaps learn Arabic at school and if I need to take some basic Arabic tuition too in UAE, I am ready to do it, not only to help him in his homework but also for my own personal knowledge of knowing a brand new language. Finally, if the chance was given to me to even learn Mandarin and Cantonese too, I would have done it. I am for cultural and social diversity, and one of the basics of that diversity is the diversity of linguistic knowledge. And that conclusion is the final answer to my compatriot’s multiple choice question, though I first answered that I would choose English and French for literature, and Creole only to hang out. I was wrong to reply too quickly since I felt his question required a constructive answer… And I hope I have been convincing enough 🙂

So, before foolishly singing the lyrics of the Mauritian National Anthem “As one people, as one nation, in peace, justice and liberty”, I invite all Mauritian people to meditate on that blog post and reconsider the image of the country.

 

 

 

 

 

My bedroom should have been my refuge and privacy corner when I wasn’t yet married… Instead, it became my haunted bunker… And my outdoor to hell, lies and hypocrisy!

The often misunderstood cultural practice of rearranged marriages.

In my previous blog post where I mentioned about all the genesis which preceded my marriage with my husband and father of our young son, I mentioned at the end that I would have given a follow-up of what happened after I got married. I already related all the propaganda which was caused by my mother, my father-in-law and my sister-in-law who stood against my marriage with my husband despite their hypocrite approval for that marriage. I also related to you about the scandalous way my christian marriage was celebrated without my own consent and how, by my fault for having refused to follow some rituals and fasts before my marriage day, my Hindu wedding didn’t go on well. Before I come on the subject that I have put in title of my blog post, I would like also to add a detail which came back in my mind on the wedding rings. I remember that on the wedding day, I had no ring for my husband with me to have it blessed by the priest. To be honest, I don’t really remember about the rituals regarding the wedding rings for the Hindu wedding ceremony, since myself it’s still very confusing in my mind, but I remember that on the wedding day, my husband had no wedding ring to be inserted in his finger, due to a series of confusions between my parents and my in-laws regarding the wedding celebration. But I remember that the day after the Hindu ceremony, there was the Chawthari, which is the wedding lunch offered by the bride’s parents at their place, where they invite the bride’s in-laws and the newly wed couple for a last meal that the bride would have at her parents’ place after having spent the night at her in-laws’ place with her husband. During the wedding night, the newly wed couple, as per the Hindu rituals, shouldn’t have any sexual relationship, since the rituals were not yet over as some other rituals would have been celebrated during the Chawthari. Also the groom had to sleep on the floor on a mat, whereas the bride had to sleep on a bed together with a Lokni. You can see my blog post about my Lokni’s wedding for more details about it. To come back on the Chawthari night, while we were sitting on the honour seats, my husband and I saw my father coming in emergency with a wedding ring, for which he apologized towards my husband for the misunderstanding that happened for the wedding ring, and my husband then wore it. The day after, it was blessed during the Christian wedding ceremony, and we had it blessed again by a priest before we left the country, since I would settle together with my newly husband in Madagascar for a couple of years before going back to Mauritius after the socio-political crisis of 2009 which violently shook Madagascar. However, I don’t know though whether there were really misunderstandings regarding that ring, or if it was a sort of setup organized by my parents behind my back, on which my mother could have put some evil things in it through some black magic tricks with the complicity of the sorceress whom I called for help when my marriage life was in danger. To come back though on how we came to know about that sorceress, it would be then worth, before I come on the second part of my story regarding my wedding ceremony, to flash back on the past, with my bedroom as main background for those horrible revelations.

This morning, I was texting my friend whom I mentioned about in my blog post about Autism and OCD. In her latest message, she revealed to me about how her daughter spent so many hours sleeping and keeping herself locked in her bedroom for hours, and getting away from her bedroom only for eating before going back to sleep. When I replied to her, I answered that her bedroom was unfortunately her only place where she could find refuge, and maybe that is the reason why, when I think about it personally, she was angry each time that my friend tried to clean the mess in her daughter’s bedroom since she considered that bedroom as her private corner. I also thought that the reason why her daughter was behaving like that was because she lacked confidence in herself, since she has been bullied at school because of her disease, and since she was all the time misunderstood and misjudged by the rest of my friend’s matriarchal family, who never supported her, nor her family in her tough moments, and who abused of my friend’s kindness, generosity and hospitality. While I was texting her, the scene of my friend’s daughter being locked in her bedroom as her only refuge reminded me of my own case when I locked myself for hours in my bedroom… But unfortunately, that bedroom of mine, which was supposed to be my refuge, turned into the replicate of hell for me, because my parents were never be able to respect my intimacy, especially my mother!

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It all started when I was born. As I related in my blog post regarding adultery and torn blood, my parents were extremely possessive with me, especially my mother. My bedroom was much more like a jail than a bedroom where I would feel safe and sound as a baby. As per what some relatives of mine noticed, my bedroom was always covered with a lot of mousse to protect myself from injuries, and it was again a ridiculous idea coming from my insane mother’s mind. When I grew up a little older, then I had my own bedroom, but there again, I was never left alone for a lot of years, until I turned six or seven years old and came back from a long holiday in France where some of my relatives are settled. By coincidence, it’s at from that moment that I started sleeping alone and, at the same time, that all the troubles started together with my patriarchal half-brother who left the house to marry his fiancee from La Reunion, that my patriarchal half-sister and godmother started anxiety depression while studying in France by starting heavily smoking, drinking and accumulating bad company, and that my matriarchal half-sister suddenly made her appearance in our lives whereas I never heard about her before. Before I started sleeping alone, I always had someone sleeping with me. It was either my father, my mother, or a cousin of mine whom my mother adopted after my birth, since that cousin of mine lost her mother and that her father was unable to take her responsibility, since he was still in the army serving as Lieutenant-Colonel. That same uncle of mine remarried a divorcee with two sons at her charge, but his new wife refused to take my cousin’s responsibility and wanted only her two sons with her. I alternatively shared my bedroom either with that cousin of mine, my mother and my father. I even remember how cruel I was myself with that cousin of mine so many times. I don’t know though whether because it was of my childish mind or because I really felt something bad with her, but I remember that during all the years preceding my birth, before my cousin left the country for being under the charge of another cousin of mine who had a good professional position, I always made of her my victim whom I always kept on bullying all the time, though that same cousin of mine took great care of me when I was still a baby like a second mother for me. Maybe that is why today, though for so many years I fed a very good relationship with her, today I don’t talk to her anymore, since she turned from a wonderful cousin to a traitor in my life, like so many of my family members, as per mentioned in my post about the elegant monsters who were present at my Lokni’s wedding.

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Then after I came back from France, I then started sleeping alone little by little and going to the lavatories alone, whereas before, I was so scared of the night that I used to stand up at night to pee in the chamber pot. But when the troubles started at home because of my half-siblings, when my mother started her black magic tricks, I started to be scared, especially at night, to get up to go to the lavatories in the middle of the night. I found refuge in my bedroom, which was at the beginning the only safe place where I could find peace and security, and where I started my first steps into creative writing. I remember I used to listen to a Creole folkloric band from the West Indies, “La Compagnie Creole”, each time that I was travelling by car with my parents for long outings during our weekends. Among one of their songs, there was one, for which the lyrics started influencing me badly, from a song entitled “J’ai priee” (I have prayed). One of the lyrics I remember well mentioned in French “Aie pitie, aie pitie de la faiblesse d’un homme (…) qui a peur de la nuit” (Have pity, have pity on the weakness of a man (…) who is afraid of the night). Those lyrics reasoned so many times because, before I heard them for the very first time, I was never afraid of the night. But little by little, those lyrics started to make sense in my mind, because at my turn, I became, at the place of the man mentioned in the song’s lyrics, a little girl who needed to be pitied for being afraid of the night. Unfortunately, during that period, no one pitied me, because I was too scared to express my fears to everyone, including my parents, since it was impossible to find comfort and reassurance with my parents who never made the effort to listen to me when I had to express my inner feelings, or who never understood me like I wished they understood me when I was expressing my feelings during the rare moments I could find the courage to express myself with them. I was even too afraid to ask someone to sleep with me, since I could feel, though I didn’t understand exactly what was happening, that even my parents were representing an indirect source of danger for me, until a couple of years later, they really became a true source of danger for me, and years after, for my marriage life and for the little family I am composing together with my husband and our young son.

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My intuition, unfortunately, was revealed true little by little. When I was a child, I didn’t realize the strangeness of the way my bedroom was designed. Well, it wasn’t like the picture above, even though that picture is really scary too! In my bedroom, there were two doors, one communicating with a very dark corridor opposite my late patriarchal half-siblings’ bedrooms, and one communicating directly with my parents’ bedroom. In each of those doors, there was a door window included, which allowed anyone from the corridor or from my parents’ bedroom having a look on me at any time, and this without my consent! The strangest of those doors though was the door separating my parents’ bedroom with mine. In my parents’ bedroom side, there was a curtain which was fixed behind the door, which my parents only could open and close freely as often as they wanted, whereas I had no curtain by my side. What was stranger too was that there was a key and a lock at that door, which were again in my parents’ side, which allowed them to have total control on locking and unlocking the door as often as they wanted, whereas I never had that right! Most of the time too, that door was always locked by my side, which forced me to pass by the other door and go around the corridor to access my parents’ bedroom! I never could ask them why they decided so, because I was too scared of them since they had total control over me. I remember also how afraid I was to open the door giving on the corridor. I mentioned previously about how the lyrics from La Compagnie Creole traumatized me. I remember the darkness of that corridor and I always had the feeling that there were haunted spirits in that corridor in the middle of the night, since my parents always kept a light hung on the wall at the end of the corridor always switched on in case somebody would wake up to go to the lavatories or in the kitchen in the middle of the night. I was so afraid that I was even scared to retrieve myself face to face with my parent or any person present in the house late in the night. My fears have never been justified yet, but after all the proofs I obtained on about how my parents destroyed my patriarchal half-siblings and even misused witchcraft against them, I could feel something evil in their respective bedrooms that I never felt before. I remember that my mother very often accused my half-brother’s ex-mother-in-law of practicing black magic and of being involved in voodoo, since one night I remember she forced me to cut a huge quantity of my hair when I was about four years old, since she was extremely jealous about my hair, which was more beautiful than my ex-sister-in-law’s hair! I also heard from my mother’s mouth too that once, my half-brother’s ex-mother-in-law brought some voodoo dolls as a “gift” for the family and placed them under my half-sister’s bed! I remember how that person was extremely evil in the past, but the memory of her asking me to cut my hair still puts doubts in my mind, because it was something related to me with my mother’s words, whereas I have a vague souvenir in my mind that this lady influenced me to cut my hair, and instead I rather remember vaguely that I cut my hair alone and that there was no one in the bedroom when I was doing it! Regarding the voodoo dolls, I don’t have any proofs whether it was true or not, but after all the proofs I obtained regarding my mother’s revenge against my half-siblings, I won’t be astonished today if I obtain proofs that it was my mother herself who put the voodoo dolls under my patriarchal half-sister’s bedroom while she was in university, or if she could have misused my hair years later to make some black magic over me or to destroy my marriage. Because I remember also that one day my mother cut my hair with rage since she disagreed that I would have a square haircut during my early twenties. I also remember she even accused my matriarchal half-sister having influenced me to cut my hair, whereas it was of my own will to do that, to please my boyfriend of that period, a young Hindu Mauritian musician I have been dating for more than two years before I decided to end that relationship with him while he was studying overseas, since I felt no more love for him and was fed up for the suffering he had been causing to me because of his bad temper and the fact he could never accept my tumultuous past and condemned me to always be prisoner of my past through a lot of emotional blackmail. I remember even that my mother wanted me to keep my hair locked in a box, pretending, according to her, that in case one day I would regret my long hair, I could re-use the hair I made her cutting from me, to stick them back on me with glue or sellotape! This was to tell you how mad and devilish she could be! But to come back on those two bedrooms, I remember that each time my matriarchal half-sister, who had been staying mostly with my parents after her marriage split with her first husband, was sleeping in my patriarchal half-brother’s bedroom most of the time, and she was very often doing horrible nightmares there! And what was strange was that no one, including myself, did any nightmares in that bedroom before, since it was used years after as a guest bedroom, except my matriarchal half-sister. And before it happened, my matriarchal half-sister was having an affair, like I mentioned in my blog post about adultery chains and torn blood, with my patriarchal half-brother, though they had their respective marriage partners!

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I remember too how, since during that time my mother disliked my ex-sister-in-law, she always hoped in secret that one day, my matriarchal half-sister would marry my patriarchal half-brother, though she mentioned that my patriarchal half-brother should have made a choice between his wife or my matriarchal half-sister to be his forever wife. But after five years of adultery relationship, both my patriarchal half-brother and matriarchal half-sister split and then my matriarchal half-sister started accumulating a lot of nightmares, but which she related by turning them into jokes, which made that my parents, not even our own mother, did consider her nightmares very seriously. However, my matriarchal half-sister and any other family members always slept well in my patriarchal half-sister’s bedroom, except my patriarchal half-sister and myself when we slept there. Since my patriarchal half-sister also turned into my godmother when I was just 2 months old and was christened Roman Catholic as per the matriarchal family’s religion (whereas I should have followed the patriarchal family’s religion which was Hinduism, or simply my father’s own religion as Anglican), I was always very close to her and we were inseparable, even though I heard so many years after that she was jealous when I was born since she was the pet of the family and that I would become the new pet of the family as the youngest family member. But when I turned teenager, I remember that my godmother drastically changed from the one she had been for so many years until lastly my latest holidays in France in 1991 where I had the chance to meet her again, since she became hysterical, completely unrecognizable through her speeches, reasoning and behavior. I even remember that so many times she bullied me a lot and even laughed at me for lots of silly things coming from my mouth. She was no more the same adorable person I have been cherishing for years, as if the effect of the black magic my mother did to separate us in the aim of revenging against my patriarchal half-brother to destroy his marriage started producing its effects. Months after, my father had to go in emergency to visit my godmother in France, since she was in deep trouble, and he came back days later without mentioning anything, since he and my mother kept the secret and forced everyone to keep silent and to lie to me in case I would ask anyone why my godmother stopped writing to me, since we used to write to each other very often. Then four years after only, I came to know through my mother’s mouth that my godmother passed away, and my mother announced that news to me as if she was announcing me that there would be a family member visiting us for a holiday at our place! At first I reacted positively, but the more the years went by, the more I had been affected emotionally for having been deprived from the only family member whom I really loved with all my heart more than any other family members I have ever had, and even more than I love my husband and my son today! My devilish mother succeeded into depriving me from my godmother, in one hand to satisfy her revenge against my patriarchal half-brother without even thinking twice how I would have felt by knowing my godmother was dead, nor even thinking on how my father would react since it was his own daughter! My mother even tried hard to replace my patriarchal half-sister by the matriarchal one. At the beginning, we were extremely close to each other, until my matriarchal half-sister started to warn me for so many years against our mother, since she kept on discovering a lot of strange things on my mother and some of her darkest secrets, which she discreetly shared with me during my teenage years. Though today we are sworn enemies, this is the only thing on which, though, I will always be thankful to her for the rest of my life. I will always also be thankful to her too for her kindness and generosity towards me at so many occasions where she covered me while I was making a lot of mistakes with my life. But where I don’t have any regrets is that we are no more friends, since from being my protector, at her turn she turned into one of my worst enemies and as another traitor against me in complicity with our mother, since my mother succeeded into influencing her against me too for satisfying her revenge since she could never bear seeing my matriarchal half-sister opening my eyes against her, and since she once tried to revenge against my matriarchal half-sister by doing again some black magic against her to kill her with a long period of sickness, but that her temptation to kill my matriarchal half-sister completely failed as my matriarchal half-sister succeeded and that she was completely out of danger. I don’t know whether it’s true or not but I heard so many rumors within the family that my matriarchal half-sister was in good terms with our mother only by interest to withdraw huge sums of money from our mother as a way to revenge against our mother for having abandoned her since childhood for my husband, and also indirectly as a revenge against me, since after so many years, apart the good times we had together, I came to discover that deep inside herself, my matriarchal half-sister never loved me really and deep inside considered me as the intrude of the family for being the fruit of a forbidden remarriage based over adultery. And the way my mother succeeded into turning both of us into sworn enemies was proven since I once got insulted by my matriarchal half-sister on Facebook when I dared publishing “letter-from-an-inner-child-against-mothers-day“, which features in the blog post about Naomi Campbell, where I let my anger exploding freely and where I re-posted again that famous letter, in which I expressed my hatred, anger and grudge against my mother for all the abuse I have been suffering from for so many years. At first, it really affected me, since I deeply loved my matriarchal half-sister despite us being completely different and incompatible in all ways, but I could never accept that she would betray me one day especially since she took her distance from us during my wedding days and misbehaved for the wedding celebration a lot, and since she betrayed me again despite reconciliation between us, for being suddenly friends with our mother and against me. But now I am completely indifferent that she is no more part of my life, since despite our ups and downs in our relationship, my matriarchal half-sister completely failed into replacing my late godmother in my heart, since each of them had their respective place in my heart, which my mother always failed to understand as one of those half-sisters of mine was her daughter, whereas the other one was just her stepdaughter.

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Because of my half-siblings’ influences, good or bad, over me, my mother became more and more possessive and overprotective on me. I partly succeeded hiding a part of my intimacy by sticking a huge celebrity poster on the door window in the door communicating with the corridor, but I failed doing the same for the other one. I was twelve years old and it was one year after my godmother died. I started becoming extremely aggressive with my parents and I didn’t understand why exactly. But I remember that I was rebelling a lot and that I was suffering a lot since I wanted my own intimacy for myself. When I tried to stick a poster on the other door window, I remember I was giving huge violent kicks while sticking the poster, and my mother forced me to remove that poster immediately. I had to obey because I had no other choice. I also remember that during the period while my matriarchal half-sister fell ill, I had a very violent fight with my parents regarding some of my friends of the period, whom my parents disagreed with since they didn’t match to the type of friends they wanted me to have, since they were living in poor conditions despite being so kind-hearted. I remember that I even wildly refused to obey my father for typing some important letters to be sent to the doctor who was taking my matriarchal half-sister’s file in consideration for her kidney surgery, since she was diagnosed with kidney insufficiency, and that when I refused to obey, my father blackmailed me a lot emotionally and menaced that I would become a total stranger to him as from that moment since I refused to obey him! This was to tell you how even my father misused me as his object and bully, which took me so many years to forgive him since he never was man nor father enough to me! I even remember that my mother also menaced me to open the door of my bedroom when I locked myself inside, because I locked myself inside in a moment of anger against my parents and my mother even menaced to call the police if I didn’t obey. I think that she wanted just to frighten me, but since I was in a very weak position during that period, I had no other choice than obeying, but the fight kept on going on and on for a long moment and there was no more reconciliation between my parents as the chapter regarding my friends was closed. But today, I am sad because I badly miss my friends, who were the only true friends I could have in life, and with whom I could never clear any misunderstandings since the distance was already made between them and me through the years, and again because of my parents’ evil eyes and bad omens since they disliked poor people. That is also one of the reasons today they still give me damnation for having married someone coming from a poor family, since for my mother especially it was as if I stabbed her at the back through my choice instead of accepting a rich boy who came at the same time as my husband but who never matched with my type of guy though he was good-looking and rich, like I mentioned in my blog post regarding the first part around my wedding.

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Where my parents, especially my mother, always failed was about making of my bedroom a safe place where I could feel secure and at the same time having my own part of privacy as soon as I would turn older as a teenager and a young adult. I don’t mind that as responsible parents, we should be very vigilant when it comes on our child’s safety while growing up, especially since the teenage years are the most dangerous ones during a child’s development and the most delicate one too, especially for teenage girls like I mentioned in that long blog post about the five “Hoods” of the female human nature. But the way my parents overprotected me was extremely unbalanced. At first, they chose to destroy my patriarchal half-siblings while I was only seven years old, and then my mother made it again when my godmother passed away in 1992. I discovered through my own survey that after my godmother passed away, my mother did again some black magic on her soul, and even did some black magic on me to blind me on the truth and to keep me all the time under her commandment until the rest of my life. She even never hesitated to come and go in my room so many times and without my authorization, until even reading the letters I shared with my relatives and best friends and even looking into my secret diaries, though she pretended that she respected my intimacy. She abused so much about it that, instead of being a refuge to me, my bedroom became another replicate of hell, exactly at the image of that ugly and strange bedroom I published somewhere in my blog post. It was also one of the reasons why I made so many mistakes in my life by accumulating so many bad company on the internet, and even in real life. I had a lot of fake friends and even started developing within myself a very slutty reputation with boys. I had a lot of one-night stands with all sorts of strangers, and lots of sentimental deceptions too with so many boys, one of them being the one who removed my virginity while I was just 19 years old and whom I deeply loved against my parents’ will, which made them once interfering severely since one day I had the guts, after school while I was preparing my final Baccalaureate, doing a fugue to join that guy somewhere in the capital city, to have sex with him in a bungalow which was in construction, and which made that I came back home very late and caused a huge fear to my parents who were scared of no more retrieving me and even thought I had been captured by some evil people at school! I should have had regrets today for what I have done to my parents, and honestly yes, I admit I feel some regrets for having done that, though I don’t want to admit it, but in another hand, I don’t regret it either since in some way I wanted to teach my parents a lesson on the overprotective influence they had on me, whereas they also have their part of guilt for the mistakes and sins they did against my half-siblings and while they were building their relationship over adultery. I then discovered for the first time the ultimate pleasures of sex, eroticism and pornography, which I never heard about before, and I even had my bunches of sentimental deceptions and also of one-night stands for so many years, pretending with my parents though that I was still virgin. I remember that among my one-night stands though, I had made the biggest mistake of my life by having accepted to sleep with someone who pretended to be protective with me against my musician ex-boyfriend, whom though I still loved despite all the emotional blackmail he caused over me, since that someone was a very dangerous, mentally disturbed and obsessional guy who menaced to reveal all my darkest secrets to my parents sooner or later if I refused to sleep with him. But here, I admit that it was totally my fault. I was so naive and unbalanced like a sort of delayed teenage crisis I was doing only as I turned 18 or 19 since I never knew what it meant to experiment teenage crisis while I was still a teenager myself, and I always used to trust all sorts of people and strangers whom I didn’t know and who were maybe relating me so many lies about themselves. I also developed within me a secret passion for girls and women that I never expressed before, since I even had two affairs with a lesbian and a bisexual female partner respectively, and then I came to discover that I was bisexual, which also explains my full support in favor of the LGBT community in Mauritius and worldwide. With a lot of difficulties though, I had to tell a part of the truth to my parents regarding that obsessional guy, though I deserved my part of scold from my father as I admit that I was the only responsible behind it. That bastard even dared menacing to sleep with me one last time when I was dating my latest boyfriend, a young intern, so that he would disappear away from my life afterwards. My latest boyfriend was so angry that he told me that I had to choose between that bastard and him. With a lot of difficulties, but also with a lot of courage, I accepted to act to protect myself against that bastard and even asked for help from my bosses from the company where I was working. Despite all, several menaces came to us so many times against me and my ex-boyfriend, since one morning there was an obsessive girl who called me on the phone at home like at work to insult me, and who was someone whom I never met before, and my ex-boyfriend even received an anonymous letter written in a vulgar bhojpuri dialect, where the person related all the details coming from my tumultuous past. I don’t know whether it could have been that obsessional guy who could be before that trick since I refused to sleep with him one last time, but my ex-boyfriend was very affected since he was aware of all my past and that all the things mentioned in that letter were all the truth. Since I used to tell everything to my parents too, at a moment my mother started to have doubts on me too, after my matriarchal half-sister revealed to my mother a lot of secrets about me to revenge against me, since for a long time I kept grudge against her for having accused me of having an affair with a nephew of mine during the end of year party held at my parents’ place, whereas we weren’t even doing anything wrong. Then, when my matriarchal half-sister reconciled with me, she scolded me very thoroughly after what happened between me and my nephew, and she explained me that she once did the same mistake in the past with one of our common cousins, and that she didn’t want me to do the same mistake again since I had to respect the lineage between me and my nephew. I unfortunately split with my latest boyfriend after only six months of relationship since his parents never agreed with me as I didn’t match the type of girl they wanted their son to marry, and my ex-boyfriend had to abide as per his parents’ rule, which left me heartbroken and bitter for one long month, after which I met the one who is today my husband and the father of my child, despite the tumultuous thunderstorms that our relationship has been passing through and is still passing through. What is ironic, as I mentioned in my previous blog post, is that there is a lineage between me and my husband since his mother and I are two cousins, being daughters of two brothers! I cannot help smiling at that idea, since my matriarchal half-sister sent my mother to scold me while I was hugging my nephew, though I wasn’t doing anything wrong with him and respecting the lineage between us, and since my nephew’s mother herself, as per some surveys I obtained from my mother-in-law’s younger sister who is also my cousin as well, was secretly making some plans in her mind to have me married to my nephew to become the heir of my fortune later, and then was totally disappointed since my husband took my nephew’s place! My nephew’s mother was so disappointed that in a moment of deception, she revealed her deception to that devilish sister-in-law of mine (my late cousin’s widow) to betray me while trying to “correct” the holy sindhoor on my forehead on my wedding day and by pretending that I should have kept the sacred rope around my neck for 45 days instead of 40 days, and the devilish sister-in-law spread the news everywhere around the family members since she was reputed to be the big gossiper and troublemaker of the family. Finally, the other bitter point regarding that tumultuous sexuality I had in the past and my tumultuous past and education within my dysfunctional family background with such insane parents is that, since my parents discovered that I lost my virginity, though I didn’t have the courage to reveal all the truth about my past, they forced me to be admitted in clinic to proceed with a surgeon to “rebuild” my virginity, since I would marry a Hindu man and that I may be rejected after by the family if I didn’t do it! Even my husband, despite coming from a very conservative family, totally opposed himself against that decision but I had no other choices since it was my parents who imposed me that decision and since they considered me as the shame of the family, whereas they don’t even realize that neither they nor my half-siblings are that innocent and that they are much guiltier than I am since they committed adultery, whereas in my case it was dysfunctional sexuality caused by the trauma of my bad education and a sort of late teenage crisis because of their overprotective temperament and the lack of communication between me and my parents. I am still very traumatized about having made that surgery, which I found totally useless, and which maybe have had some repercussions on the fact that I delayed in getting pregnant. Who knows?

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After I married, instead of keeping my bedroom as something personal belonging to me, my mother stole that bedroom and adopted the bedroom for herself, pretending to make of it a place where she could have a nap in the afternoon, whereas she already had her own bedroom! Another proof on how she always disrespected my intimacy, whereas she was never like that with any of my half-siblings, not even with my matriarchal half-sister! In another blog post, I will relate you the ups and downs I faced during my first marriage years until that famous fight which divided our both families for life. But before that I felt I had to open a chapter of my past regarding my bedroom, which was supposed to be my refuge, but which turned into a dark chamber of secrets at the image of the Harry Potter’s episode about the Chamber of Secrets, where there was a huge monstrous snake inhabiting that chamber of secrets, against which Harry Potter had to fight. And today when I think about all that, I compare that huge snake to the devilish presences that haunted that house I have been living in with my parents for years, the strange atmosphere in the corridor and in my half-siblings’ bedrooms since I turned 7 years old, and the way my mother violated my privacy in my bedroom as the only refuge I had left in my life, and which turned into the replicate of hell. Without realizing it, the Harry Potter episode was like a coded revelation to me on what was really happening in my life, through the metaphor of the huge snake in the chamber of secrets.

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That is why I am sending a warning again to overprotective and narcissistic parents: PROTECTING YOUR CHILD DOESN’T MEAN OVERPROTECTING HIM OR HER, NOR INTEGRATING YOURSELF WITHIN YOUR CHILD’S PRIVACY AND INTIMACY FULLY! FOR THIS, ONLY COMMUNICATION AND GOOD COMPLICITY BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN IS IMPORTANT TO ALLOW THAT TRUST GROWING BETWEEN THEM TO AVOID THE WORST. IT’S THE LACK OF COMMUNICATION WHICH MAKES THAT CHILDREN ARE EITHER ABANDONED FOR THEMSELVES BY TOO BUSY PARENTS, OR OVERPROTECTED BY TOO PRESENT PARENTS. NONE OF THOSE TWO CASES ARE GOOD AND COMMUNICATION THERE SHOULD BALANCE BETWEEN THE BOTH SIDES. THERE IS A QUOTE SAYING “OVERPROTECTIVE PARENTS RAISE THE BEST LIARS.” AND AS THE QUOTE ABOVE SAYS:, “IF YOU DON’T GIVE YOUR KIDS ANY PRIVACY, ALL YOU TEACH THEM IS HOW TO KEEP SECRETS”, AND THAT IS HOW MY LIFE, WHICH WAS ALREADY BUILT OVER LIES SINCE I WAS BORN, TURNED ITSELF INTO A LIE THANKS TO MY PARENTS, A LIE AGAINST WHICH I AM FIGHTING EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF MY LIFE TO TURN IT INTO A TRUTH, AND WHICH IS A TOUGH BATTLE BETWEEN ME AND THE INNER CHILD WITHIN ME. THE BATTLE UNFORTUNATELY IS FAR FROM BEING WON BECAUSE THE JOURNEY FOR RECOVERY IS STILL VERY FAR THOUGH THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT OF IMPROVEMENTS IN MY LIFE. SO THINK WELL BEFORE ADOPTING THE OVERPROTECTIVE SPIRIT ON YOUR CHILDREN… AND ALWAYS MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE RAISING YOUR CHILDREN IN AN ATMOSPHERE OF TRUTH AND SINCERITY BY STARTING BY YOURSELVES AS PARENTS!

 

 

New Year Eve: Remembering its values through Ancient Times and a short Catholic tradition called St Sylvester Day

As most of you know it well, everybody celebrates the New Year Eve also known as the St Sylvester day. But has any of you tried to know the link between the New Year Eve and St Sylvester? Frankly speaking, it’s only now that I thought about it and decided to do some researches early on that morning of the 01st January.

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According to that article, “Little is known about Sylvester’s life. His tenure as pope took place during the reign of the Roman emperorConstantine I. Legend claims that Sylvester played an active role in the conversion of Constantine to Christianity, buthistorians reject this tale. As Pope Sylvester witnessed the divisions between Christians caused by the rise ofArianism, a doctrine concerning the nature of Christ, he sent two representatives to the Council of Nicea. Convenedby Emperor Constantine, the Council debated and rejected Arianism. His feast day was established in 1227 by PopeGregory IX. At least one writer has suggested that his feast day was placed on December 31 for symbolic reasons.Just as December 31 ushers in a new year, so, too, did the conversion of the emperor Constantine usher in a newepoch in the history of Christianity.

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But what should  be more interesting to know is about the New Year Eve History itself. In an article retracing the history of the New Year Eve, it’s a phenomenon which appeared 2000 years BC whereas the 01st January celebration appears only as a new phenomenon: “The celebration of the new year on January 1st is a relatively new phenomenon. The earliest recording of a new year celebration is believed to have been in Mesopotamia, c. 2000 B.C. and was celebrated around the time of the vernal equinox, in mid-March. A variety of other dates tied to the seasons were also used by various ancient cultures. The Egyptians, Phoenicians, and Persians began their new year with the fall equinox, and the Greeks celebrated it on the winter solstice

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There are several versions of the New Year celebration quoted in that article, but the most prominent one is about when Julius Caesar included the 01st January as the first day of the year. I was amazed to read that according to the ancient Roman Calendar before Julius Caesar’s decision, the years were made of only 10 months, starting as from the 01st of March. Then, as per that extract regarding the insertion of January the 01st, “In 46 B.C. Julius Caesar introduced a new, solar-based calendar that was a vast improvement on the ancient Roman calendar, which was a lunar system that had become wildly inaccurate over the years. The Julian calendar decreed that the new year would occur with January 1, and within the Roman world, January 1 became the consistently observed start of the new year.” The 01st January celebration though, was abolished during the Middle Ages, since it was being considered as a Pagan and Unchristian celebration, and the New Year celebration then coincided together with the birth of Jesus Christ on the 25th December. But little by little, the tradition was restored and adapted through the years as a celebration separated from Christmas, by the Gregorian Calendar.

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But now, another question that I am asking myself also while writing those words: Was New Year eve celebrated in Ancient times? The answer is a medley of Yes and No. Yes, it was celebrated in Ancient times, but not in the same way as we celebrate it today, with the traditional firecrackers, huge parties until late in the night at home, in restaurants or in the streets, good food, alcohol, etc. Here is an extract of this article showing what the celebration of the New Year represents in some of the Ancient times, especially in the Babylonian era: “The earliest recorded festivities in honor of a new year’s arrival date back some 4,000 years to ancient Babylon. For the Babylonians, the first new moon following the vernal equinox—the day in late March with an equal amount of sunlight and darkness—heralded the start of a new year. They marked the occasion with a massive religious festival called Akitu (derived from the Sumerian word for barley, which was cut in the spring) that involved a different ritual on each of its 11 days. In addition to the new year, Atiku celebrated the mythical victory of the Babylonian sky god Marduk over the evil sea goddess Tiamat and served an important political purpose: It was during this time that a new king was crowned or that the current ruler’s divine mandate was symbolically renewed.” And I have seen some pictures, while looking for an illustration for my blog post, revealing that the Akitu is still celebrated in some parts of the world as per demonstrated in that article.

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But in some other parts of the world, the New Year celebration was made in different ways, either for religious purposes or as a pagan celebration, at the example of Ancient Greece and Ancient Roman Times, which were two contrasting ways of celebrating the New Year. According to that article, “In Athens, however, there was an epigraph found reading of a religious ceremony that used to take place on the beginning of the New Year, or better said on the last day of the outgoing year, which involved only a small number of people. The celebration was a sacrifice of the outgoing officials to Zeus the Savior and Athena the Savior, which aimed at ensuring the blessings and favor of the two gods for the coming new year. It was not until ancient Roman times and while Rome grew in power, that the New Year festivities began to become extremely popular. The celebration known as the Saturnalia, a time of revelings, drinking bouts, orgies and human sacrifice in honor of god Saturn, was instituted as the festival of January 1st by Julius Caesar in 46BC upon deciding to adopt the Julian calendar. The popularity of the celebration was spread in all corners of the Roman Empire and continued with minor local and time alterations to integrate in the customs of all peoples within the Empire’s boundaries, including ancient Greece.

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Now, you will find strange why I am making a history of the New Year Eve among Ancient times with the way we are celebrating it, won’t you? Did you see the picture I have inserted above that paragraph in my blog post with that quote from Mark Twain, where you do the good resolutions and after one week, send them back to hell? The way I demonstrated the history of New Year during the Ancient Times is to show you that nowadays the humanity is celebrating the New Year mostly based on the Julian Calendar adapted by Julius Caesar, and also on the Ancient Roman Empire tradition made with revelations, orgies, human sacrifices to the God Saturn, etc. In Mauritius, the tradition of animal sacrifice to celebrate the New Year still exists in several Hindu Families, where on the 02nd January, they make an animal sacrifice as a yearly promise by killing a goat and after that, preparing the goat in some special meals. That tradition is more and more lost within the years according to my personal observations as an urban Mauritian, but is still practiced within rural Hindu families of the country, who kept their traditions in the total respect. The orgies, revelations, alcohol consumption in the Roman Era are also adapted not only in Mauritius but even worldwide in several parts of the world except in Muslim countries, where public alcohol consumption is forbidden. Unfortunately, what is sad is when you see how partying heavily for the New Year brings the population into some deceitful consequences: Lots of accidents in the streets mostly caused by huge alcohol consumption, crimes, fights between people partying during revelations made again under influence of alcohol, etc. Alcohol being the worst enemy for the New Year party, during which there are no limits imposed since it’s the very last day of the year.

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But the most prominent thought I had since the New Year Eve 2016 was about the importance of wishing Happy New Year. Why to wish Happy New Year? What is the need to make some new resolutions for the forthcoming new Year, for afterwards forgetting them and going back into our old bad habits? What is the need of wishing Happy New Year to everyone, including the ones whom you blame and dislike, or those who are your worst enemies, for after this starting again to blame them for the rest of the year? Personally, even though I wished Happy New Year to some of my in-laws, to my husband, to my son and to my LinkedIn, WhatsApp and Google+ contacts, personally I am very pessimistic when it comes on the importance of the New Year wishes, which I find personally useless and hypocrite, since they have no meaning. I was captivated by an extract of that article about the meaning of Happy New Year. The first paragraph from Albert Einstein captivated me the most: “When Albert Einstein’s good friend Michele Besso died in 1955, just a few weeks before Einstein’s own death, Einstein wrote a letter to Besso’s family in which he put forward a scientist’s consolation: “This is not important. For us who are convinced physicists, the distinction between past, present, and future is only an illusion, however persistent.” The idea that time is an illusion is an old one, predating any Times Square ball drop or champagne celebrations. It reaches back to the days of Heraclitus and Parmenides, pre-Socratic thinkers who are staples of introductory philosophy courses. Heraclitus argued that the primary feature of the universe is that it is always changing. Parmenides, foreshadowing Einstein, countered by suggesting that there was no such thing as change. Put into modern language, Parmenides believed the universe is the set of all moments at once. The entire history of the universe simply is.” Personally, despite being religious, I fully agree with that Cartesian thesis and I disagree on wishing Happy New Year, because the cycle is still the same: people changing for the better of the worse. People taking birth and people dying. People loving and people hating. The same circus of life always going on and on. Yesterday for New Year eve, since we had a very awful New Year eve celebrated as per what I related in my previous blog post, I mentioned to my husband about the hypocrisy behind the New Year wishes. My husband replied me the sentence that could change perhaps a lot of things in the world: “The New Year resolutions are not bad. But it’s us, the humans, who are bad in general, and who make everything to turn the good New Year resolutions into unlimited deceptions and failures”. There again, my husband was right. And here is the extract of that same article, which resumes it all: 

There is, perhaps, a judicious middle position between insisting on the centrality of time and denying its existence. Something can be real—actually existing, not merely illusory—and yet not be fundamental. Scientists used to think that heat, for example, was a fluidlike substance, called “caloric,” that flowed from hot objects to colder ones. These days we know better: Heat is simply the random motions of the atoms and molecules out of which objects are made. Heat is still real, but it’s been explained at a deeper level. It emerges out of a more comprehensive understanding.

Perhaps time is like that. Someday, when the ultimate laws of physics are in our grasp, we may discover that the notion of time isn’t actually essential. Time might instead emerge to play an important role in the macroscopic world of our experience, even if it is nowhere to be found in the final Theory of Everything.

In that case, I would have no trouble saying that time is “real.” I know what it means to grow older or to celebrate an anniversary whether or not time is “fundamental.” And either way, I can still wish people a Happy New Year in good conscience

So before you think about sending your New Year wishes to other people and making some good resolutions for the New Year, think about it several times before planning them, because Happy New Year wishes and resolutions is something really powerful, but which should come from the heart and be sincere. If it’s so, then maybe we can contribute into making the world much better by doing our own part of efforts and being sincere to the ones whom we wish Happy New Year to, and to keep our promises on all the good resolutions we did for the forthcoming New Year.

So on that concluding note, Happy New Year 2017 to you all 🙂

My first New Year Eve in the Middle East was the worst one I have ever had… But maybe there was a GOOD reason behind that.

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It’s been a month since I am settled in Abu Dhabi together with my husband and our young son. For New Year Eve, we were supposed to go to the Yas Mall Shopping Centre to celebrate the New Year. There were some special animations planned there, and we planned to have dinner in an Indian restaurant, which belongs to the very talented Indian singer Asha Bhosle. Unfortunately, our New Year Eve program was a total failure. When we were on our way to Yas Mall, there were lots of traffic jams, because lots of people were rushing to go to celebrate the New Year in Yas Marina Circuit, the place where the Formula 1 world competition takes place regularly. There would be some concerts there, followed by a huge firecracker as from midnight. Because of the traffic jam and the fear that we wouldn’t have any taxi to go back home, and since we had a small child with us, we then had to drastically change our plans and we decided to have dinner at our usual hotel Radisson Blu, since the traffic to reach there was more fluid. But our young son fell asleep in the taxi, and when we woke him up at our arrival at Radisson Blu, he started crying since he was exhausted, and wanted to go back home where he felt safer. Then, we finally had to go back to Etihad Plaza, where we actually live temporarily, and we had a very quick dinner in one of the restaurants at the groundfloor before going back to our apartment. Unfortunately, though there were some restaurants there, no special animation was done since most of the residents rather preferred going out for the animations which took place in Abu Dhabi. It was a very sad New Year Eve for us, since it didn’t go on well as per what we expected, and we came back home with a very heavy heart.

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But the New Year Eve wasn’t the only bad moment that we have been living. We also experimented some worse moments again. Yesterday morning, though we woke up very early and were in a good mood to start the last day of Year 2016, my husband got trapped by a person who called him on his mobile phone and who pretended to be a staff working for a multinational mobile and internet network which has a branch in the country, for which my husband already obtained a sim card given to him by his office since he started working there. The person on the phone pretended that my husband, as a company member, was selected further to a lottery and won a special prize, which was of AED 500,000.00 (equivalent of a little more than USD 136,000.00) and he asked my husband several questions, such as his bank account number, if he already won a prize in the past, his mobile number, etc. I didn’t really understand what was happening, but where I found that there was something fishy was when I heard my husband, in front of me, telling the person “My wife is just in front of me, can I tell her the news?” and that he was given the instruction by the so-called staff of not telling me anything! At a moment, I saw my husband, still being on the phone with the person, getting out of the flat in a rush, without having time to tell me what was happening. At a moment, I thought that maybe Mother Luck was knocking at our door and that my husband won a special prize and wanted to make me a surprise. I even thought that we would have a new car, since we are actually struggling a lot for our transport by only travelling by foot or by taxi, until my husband, as a resident, renews his driving licence in Abu Dhabi after its conversion into a local one to be able to drive his own car. I even started doing some researches on the Internet regarding the Hindu rituals to follow to have the car blessed by a Hindu priest, since we wanted to go to Dubai the next day to start the forthcoming New Year 2017 with some special prayers in a Hindu temple.

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But when my husband came back home, the surprise that I got from him was a big shock: My husband was robbed AED 2,500 (Around USD 681.00)! The shock was violent as well for him as for myself, but since I am someone who very easily overreacts, I had a violent fight with him and even accused him that he didn’t tell me the truth all this time and that he was too naive by letting himself being influenced by such swindlers, and I even shared with him that I felt something very fishy in that situation since the beginning and that he should at least have talked about this to me. I didn’t understand the context in which my husband retrieved himself and for a very long time I even thought that my husband was hiding me something maybe because he wanted to make me a surprise. The atmosphere was very tense, in one hand since my husband was in a deep feeling of shock, in another hand because I was extremely angry and refused to understand what was really happening. But then, with a lot of difficulties, I came to understand about the background of the situation, and also that my husband was in a total impossibility to tell me anything since he had to remain stuck on the phone with the other person even going out of the flat and following his instructions. The person asked my husband to withdraw some money to have a new simcard number. He did it. Then, my husband was asked to withdraw another sum of money to charge his account. He did it. Then, where my husband started feeling the danger was when the person asked him to withdraw some money to give a contribution from his bank account to each of the states of the United Arab Emirates, and which represented a huge sum of money! Then, my husband understood that all this was a scam! Meanwhile, he already lost AED 2,500 because of that bastard! My husband was so traumatized that he had to switch off his mobile phone since, after he hung up his mobile phone, the person kept on harassing him several times within one hour, and that my husband was scared of receiving some menaces from him! He even had to totally empty his bank account as a precaution, since he feared again that the swindler would rob all his money! It was a real trauma for us, and we didn’t know what to do since we were new here.

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When he reached back home, I looked for a number on which my husband could call regarding complaints to the telecommunications company. I even found a local number from that company regarding some complaints in case of cyber abuse and blackmail, in case my husband would need it to go on further in his complaints. But finally he only called the complaints free number and explained everything to one of the staffs who took the call for him. My husband was then told that this kind of call that he received was a scam and that a lot of people, especially new telecommunication members, used to get trapped by such swindlers and that the only solution was to file a police case against the person to be able to collect back the money. My husband even obtained the person’s identity as per the mobile number from which he received the phone calls, even though there was no proof that the swindler gave his true identity or not. But my husband was such in a deep state of shock that he finally didn’t go to the police station to file a case against that person. Instead, he got back in touch with the person in the afternoon, since the person called him again, and my husband answered the call to have a clue what the person wanted to tell him again. Then, the person pretended that there was nothing wrong in the call, that scams were forbidden in a country like the United Arab Emirates, etc. Then, my husband told him frankly that he did his own survey with the complaints service from the company and that they proved him that it was a scam, and the person pretended that this kind of communication that he gave to my husband only concerned the marketing department and that the customer service wasn’t supposed to be aware of such conversations. When I heard that last sentence, then I came to understand that the person was lying and that it was a way for him to blackmail my husband to continue the transaction with my husband, I immediately understood that hte person was lying, since as per my own short professional experience, in such an organization, all the requests should go first to the customer service before being transferred to other departments, including the marketing department. My husband then called a good friend to have his opinion, since his friend works in the bank sector, and the friend confirmed that it was a scam and that the person was lying and fooling my husband.

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I don’t know if today we will be able to go to the police station, but frankly speaking, I prefer that my husband looses so much money than his own life, since we are new here and that we cannot trust anyone easily here, especially after the trauma we had been experimenting because of such dishonest people. I would never believe that even in the United Arab Emirates, which is reputed as one of the safest and most severe countries in the world, such scams were practiced, and that the ones behind it are unfortunately foreigners coming from poorer countries and who are settled in the UAE. I took the time to think about all that mess in which we passed. It’s true that we lost a lot of money. But as per our own experiences of the past, maybe that big money loss was a good for the bad. Maybe it happened because of a good reason to come. As  Mauritian being raised in a superstitious country, we believe and daily experiment the danger behind people’s jealousy, since Mauritian people are reputed to be jealous, envious and competitive people in general, at such a point that they can put an evil eye on you, and even destroy you through gossips, fake rumors… and in some ways with black magic! Personally neither my husband nor myself did believe in such things, but as per the experience that we obtained in life, we faced it so many times and had to protect ourselves thoroughly against them everyday, and also to protect our own child, since he is very extroverted and expressive when he goes out all the time. And I know that there are lots of people from my husband’s contacts and previous companies where he was working before in Madagascar, Mauritius and Seychelles who are very jealous of his professional success, especially since last year there was a Mauritian compatriot who was working in the same company as my husband and who was always in insane competition with him. I am still under shock and very deceived for having lost so much money, and still very angry after all what happened, but I am telling myself that maybe it should have been like that for a 31st December to remove all the negativity within our lives, the bad omens, the evil eyes and any other form of attack against us, for having another door of hope and happiness being open for us as soon as midnight would reason through the sound of the annual firecrackers.

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I could feel how Old Timer was slowly removing all those negativity from our lives when the clock was slowly tickling its latest minutes before midnight before we calmed down for good. We were still awaken and waiting for the annual firecrackers, which were planned for midnight at the Yas Marina, taking place. When I heard the sound of the firecrackers, I could feel such a deep emotion that I started to cry. Firecrackers always made a very special effect on me for the New Year since there is a superstition in Mauritius which says that firecrackers remove all the bad omens from the past and welcomes new good omens for the humanity, but that it’s of the humanity’s responsibility to keep them. Until I write more about the philosophy behind the annual firecrackers, I would like to share with you those special firecrackers which I filmed from our balcony at midnight, coming from the Yas Marina Circuit. Then I will send another blog post regarding my views regarding the New Year celebration and the famous three words “Happy New Year”.

 

My first part of warning message against narcissistic mothers in their daughter’s education until they marry within a patriarchal family

It’s been such a very long time since I wanted to write that blog post, because there are too many scars in my heart, which are still burning and which will keep on burning within me as long as I don’t write my story in that blog post. I know that I will be very hurtful, very hard and very harsh in what I will write. I know that I will receive some critics here and there and maybe will be treated as somebody mentally insane. But I decided to break the silence on too many years of sufferings which had been accumulated in my marriage life. The biggest culprit unfortunately in that story is my toxic mother. Because of her being the first culprit, my husband and I had been facing so many thunderstorms for keeping our marriage life safe, and for being able to conceive a child. But even for our child’s education, we have been and we are still struggling. In that matter, not only my mother is the culprit, but two other ones have their huge part of responsibility in that matter and also so many people who blindly followed their principles: those people are my father-in-law and my sister-in-law.

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A recapitulation of some blog posts around the abusive education received by my parents

I already wrote a lot of stuffs previously where I related several fragments of the difficult childhood and teenage years I have been accumulating with my parents for 24 years and even after marriage. In “Confessions of a Miseducated Girl“, I put the emphasis on the academical and professional failure I had to bear because of the miseducation I received from my parents, especially my mother. I also put an emphasis on the kind of father I had the bad luck to have for so many years when I wrote the post about the day I decided to forgive my father once for all. I also wrote about me being the part of an adultery relationship and how the vice of adultery even influenced me and partly destroyed my marriage and family life. I also confessed about how I have been struggling to conceive my child since I was condemned to infertility and how after such a long battle, I obtained victory over infertility. I also shared with you some fragments of how, from being raised in a rich family where I had everything on a golden platter, I retrieved myself living in more modest conditions after having married someone coming from a poor family but who has succeeded so well in life, and how my struggles made me richer in my heart and soul, though I turned poorer materially and financially. I also related about the bullying I had to face at school and how my mother tried to raise me as a golden child in the family as her revenge instrument. I already related about how so many traumas made of me an unbalanced and angry nature by taking partly example on Naomi Campbell’s situation with her numerous and unfortunately well-known anger crisis. Finally I wrote several posts where I shared how hard I tried to rise up from my ashes and reconstruct my life from zero, though the combat for my reconstruction is far from being completed because of, not only the disastrous education I received from my parents and within my family, but even because of the numerous scandals I had to witness since the age of 7 years old, and which opened the door of creating writing as a sort of refuge in which I could find and even still can find the source of recomfort that I need in life to rise again. Some stories even inspired me to share them with you, at the example of my friend Sherri Matthews who found recomfort into creative writing after having struggled for so many years because of an alcoholic father and a first marriage which ended into a disastrous divorce leaving her alone with two children to rise all alone, until she found her new charming prince who helped her reconstructing herself and until she decided to write. Another person, a celebrity, also inspired me especially since he experimented a concert in Masada, it was David Guetta, who faced quarantine crisis and even a catastrophic divorce, and who rose up again from his ashes little by little; by coincidence, organizing such an amazing concert in a place like Masada which was as a refuge for some people, and the fact that it also coincides with David Guetta following Judaism, it was a real coincidence and that experience really inspired me. There are so many other posts I have been sharing since the creation of that blog, and where I am sharing my struggles mostly caused by my parents, especially my mother, but those which I linked to that blog post are the most meaningful ones I wanted to share with you regarding my tumultuous childhood and teenage years.

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Sharmila Harel: A woman who succeeded mixing her patriarchal education within her newly more liberal wedding life

But this time, what I am going to share with you is a true story, MY story once more, and an example on how the role of a mother who has a daughter is more exigent than the role of a mother who has a son, especially when the mother is raised within a patriarchal family, when the mother needs to have her daughter following the patriarchal family’s system, and after that, must accept that her daughter should mostly abide in the rules of her husband’s family, at the exception if the husband has been raised within a matriarchal family or in a family where both patriarchal and matriarchal educations are allowed. That is why I really admire that beautiful lady Sharmila Harel, whom I paid tribute to in one of my previous posts. As she has been raised within a patriarchal family, even though she described herself in one of her interviews as the ugly duckling of the family, she adapted the patriarchal principles taught to her since childhood when she married someone coming from a different socio-cultural belonging and practicing another religion. Even though the socio-cultural background her husband belongs to is more liberal when it comes on patriarchal and matriarchal rules, she followed her husband’s steps by embracing his religion, though she still follows her own beliefs in her heart, and she encouraged her children to follow their father’s religion. That was exactly what I did, at the contrary of my father, who did all the opposite and who embraced another religion of his own will, rejected his family’s religion and even encouraged my mother continuing with her religion instead of influencing her to follow his religious beliefs.

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I chose to marry a Hindu, who was also my cousin’s son. My sister-in-law wanted her elder sister to marry my husband.

But to come back to the main point of that blog post, I will relate you my marriage story and how my mother, and even my father-in-law and sister-in-law largely contributed into spoiling my marriage life because of their bad intentions. Another point that I will also share is the nature of my relationship with my mother-in-law, which is not only an example to follow for daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law, but which is also a unique love story, since we have to face everyday the critics and hatred from our surroundings… Because my mother-in-law and I are cousins and that I contracted a consanguinity marriage, which is forbidden in Occidental culture, but which is permitted in Hinduism and Islam. It started 24 years ago when my future in-laws stepped in front of our house to send us a wedding card invitation for their youngest son’s marriage, which would be celebrated in one month. I never saw the mother before, and I was shocked when my mother announced me that the lady who came to invite us was my cousin, whereas we never met before. Since my mother-in-law got married, she had to face a lot of family conflicts between her own family and our common in-laws, which made that she couldn’t have a close relationship with her family. She had to abide under the extreme authority from her husband and her in-laws and she was totally lonely and deprived from her right of meeting her family as often as she wanted. On the D-Day, we went to her young son’s wedding, and there I met my future in-laws’s oldest son, who was settled in Madagascar, and who today, after almost 12 years of marriage life, is still, by the Grace of God, my husband and the father of the 5 year and half son that we could conceive together after so many struggles. But unfortunately, our marriage life was far from being a bed of roses. Even though we were madly in love with each other, and even though we had a very short period in front of us, i.e 5 months only, to know each other, go ahead for engagement, civil and religious wedding, we had to struggle a lot because of our families. The first one who started to create the mess was my mother one more time. She wanted to influence my future father-in-law to have my future husband being married to a dark-skinned girl who was the daughter of a milkman, because during that period, I just faced a brutal breakup with my ex-boyfriend, who was Hindu, and in a moment of anger, I mentioned to my mother that I wanted to marry only someone from her choice and no more a Hindu. I never meant it for real since deep inside my heart I was still interested to marry a Hindu. But my mother thought I was serious and had some hopes for me being married either with an Occidental or with a fair-skinned Creole. The trick she wanted to do with my future father-in-law was something she wanted to plan since a long time, because at the same time as my husband, there was someone else who seemed interested with me, a fair-skinned Creole guy, who fully matched with my mother’s type of son-in-law, but who was totally incompatible with my type of husband since he was known to be a vagabond, unstable and alcoholic man. And when I mentioned my choice to my mother for my future husband, and that my father supported my choice fully since he preferred my husband to that Creole, my mother was totally disappointed, but deep inside she was secretly preparing her revenge since she was the kind of person who could never accept NO as an answer to her request, since she had such an dimensionless ego. In parallel, unfortunately, maybe by ignorance or maybe because he even secretly wanted it too, my father-in-law also contributed into encouraging my mother to prepare her revenge. He never liked my patriarchal family where both my mother-in-law and I came from and always kept on treating the both of us as dirty-blooded people since he had to face so many fights with his in-laws when he was younger and that he kept grudge against all of them for so many years and wanted my mother-in-law and myself to pay for our family’s mistakes. The other problem was that my mother-in-law and I were very close to each other, but by respect for the marriage bond which would unite both my future husband and myself, we treated our relationship mostly by basing it on a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship instead of a cousinhood relationship. Unfortunately, there again there were lots of bad tongues which were talking so bad against the both of us, and which were damning the blood link which united my mother-in-law and myself, and even my husband and myself. As I mentioned before, marriage with people of same blood is forbidden by Church and within the occidental culture, but it’s allowed in Islam and even in Hinduism, as long as the family name is different between the two partners, because in both religions it’s the patriarchal blood which has the biggest importance. In our case, my mother-in-law and I are daughters of two brothers. But since her lineage with her family is considered, in our Indian culture and Hindu religion, as weaker, since her name changed after marriage and that she embraced the new alliance coming from her husband, the marriage between her son and I was then allowed, and also was allowed our relationship since there was a second-degree parenthood between me and my husband as I come from an upper generation than his generation in the matriarchal family. This seems more “acceptable” than in other communities where there are cousins of first degree who marry, having two different signatures. For example I had a university friend who married one of her cousins settled in England. They were cousins of first degree but with different signatures. I also know a couple of Marathi Mauritians (Marathi people are Indians originated from Maharashtra state), who are first degree cousins with different signatures, who got married further to an arranged marriage and who successfully have been together for more than 30 years with two beautiful children who turned adult, intelligent, well-mannered and healthy. I mention that because there were even some rumors which were spoken that because of that lineage between my husband and me, there would be chances that we would have a handicapped child, whereas our child was born healthy, though we had to struggle a lot to conceive him. Finally, the third culprit to be accused in the saga is my sister-in-law, who is my husband’s young brother’s wife. My sister-in-law was the youngest of a modest family and she had two elder sisters, among them one who is still single nowadays and who was very close friends with my future husband. Seeing my husband and her sister so close with each other, though there was no love feeling between them but just a very good friendship and total complicity, I obtained some proofs after some personal surveys following some rumors behind that, that my sister-in-law and her mother secretly wanted the elder sister being married to my husband. But when I arrived in the family, since I come from a rich and famous family and since my mother-in-law and I are cousins, it was as if we came to disturb their plans, especially since my father-in-law totally disagreed on the fact that two sisters could marry two brothers since it was forbidden in Hinduism. I never checked why it was forbidden, and since I am still under the influence of that trauma, I am not yet keen to check why it’s forbidden in our culture and in our religion, because I am still very hurt about all those struggles I had to face because of those three bastards, who are my mother, my father-in-law and my sister-in-law, whom today I give total damnation to and whom I will never forgive. When I will recover better I will perhaps (I say perhaps, since I don’t want to take any engagement on something I cannot do) make some researches to prove whether my father-in-law is right or wrong, but all I can share with you all is that I know a Creole family in Mauritius of Roman Catholic faith, where two sisters married two brothers, and both their marriage lives worked on perfectly and made them happy and united forever. But my sister-in-law had been keeping grudge against my father-in-law for years, and since she knew his hatred against my family, against my mother-in-law, and since she let herself being influenced by all the gossips around her against my marriage arrangements, my future husband and the strong bond between me and my mother-in-law, and the fact that she was starting to feel rejected as my father-in-law concentrated himself a lot on my future marriage with his elder son, she started to rebel herself and even entered in total complicity with my mother. She kept on influencing my mother against my in-laws, even my husband against his own brother and parents, and even me by trying to get me far away from my in-laws and discouraging me to marry my future husband and entering that family. My mother was even about to cancel our marriage a few days before we would marry. But during that period, my mother was following a woman who was known in her region to invoke Kali Maa, the Hindu Goddess of Death, and who was also known for reading the future in cards and for practicing black magic. Even though I was personally against black magic and witchcraft, I was in a moment of total weakness during that period, and even influenced by my mother to do some incantations with that lady… And I was so scared of loosing my husband and seeing my marriage dream with my husband being shattered in pieces that I asked for that lady’s help, and she saw within her meditations that it was really my sister-in-law who created all the mess and who wanted to destroy everything… But she didn’t see that even my mother and my father-in-law were walking together hand in hand with my sister-in-law indirectly against my mother-in-law, my future husband and myself. I would have discovered that part of truth years later. But nonetheless, the lady could “arrange” for something and then our marriage projects were safe and sound and things seemed to be back to normal. Even though today I regret having made black magic in a moment of weakness, in another hand I don’t have any regrets, since I got the proofs through the years that my sister-in-law was really a source of danger for my marriage life.

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My marriage preparation two biggest disasters: The separation of goods and the mysterious and unwanted Christian marriage

The marriage took place then as per scheduled, but I had to face two other shocks regarding the marriage preparations. The first one is the shock that my in-laws had when the marriage contract was agreed under separation of goods. I was aware that my parents were doing the marriage on the separation of goods, but I thought, according to what they told me, that it was purely for some legal reasons following a litigate on the sharing of inheritance in the family, since my father’s ex-wife had a part of inheritance wherever I was living at my parents’ place, and since my patriarchal half-sister was dead and also had her part in the inheritance. Since I was so ignorant, naive and immature during all those years, I completely ignored the true reason behind that arrangement, which made that it was an idea which came from my mother herself, because she always had a fear that one day, my in-laws, knowing that I am rich, would steal to me my part of inheritance and that I would be completely ruined because of them and because of my husband! Also, when the civil marriage was celebrated, it created a huge havoc within my in-laws, because all the other family members were married under community of goods and they interpreted the separation of goods as a form of betrayal from my parents. I was so shocked that I screamed with my father on the telephone when my future husband informed me about his family’s reactions and I accused my father of not having said anything to my in-laws about those explanations. My father pretended that he would talk to my father-in-law, but I doubt that he did it because my parents are known to be very secret and mysterious people who hide a lot of secrets. Then one day I asked a brother-in-law of mine, who was working as a barrister lawyer, to give me proofs about what my parents said, and he also agreed fully with my in-laws’ reaction: He clearly asked me what was the link between the marriage being celebrated on separation of goods and the litigate regarding the share of inheritance from my parents, and he found that ridiculous. He even shared with me that the marriage condition being on community or separation of goods was applicable only on the goods that both my husband and I would acquire AFTER marriage and NOT before marriage, since my husband had no right on my goods I already had before marriage, nor did I have any rights on his part of goods before marriage.

The second reason why such scandals were organized had a link with my Christian marriage, on which my in-laws totally disagreed. If I could only tell them all the truth about what was really being manipulated by my parents regarding that Christian marriage, I would have done it since a very long time. Unfortunately I couldn’t do anything because according to the superstition in Christian marriage, I am not supposed to inform my future husband on how the preparations are being held because it brings bad luck. It was planned at the beginning that it would be a sole blessing that the priest would do on our wedding rings which we would have had on our Hindu marriage, and that afterwards there would be a cocktail but only with friends and families of Christian faith. I didn’t object for that and didn’t even bother about my in-laws being not invited, since I was convinced that only non Hindus would be invited. When we were asked, my husband and me, to visit the priest to his place, I was shocked to see that the priest asked me to choose the songs for the marriage! I was shocked, but unable to tell anything to my husband because of that superstition, and I had no other choice than acting as if I was aware of what was being prepared! I was so shocked that I couldn’t even ask my mother what was really happening and how it could be that this ceremony, which was supposed to be intimate, suddenly turned into a Christian marriage! The worst of that was that my father had my husband’s Christian marriage costume prepared and that my mother forced me with a catalog in the hand to choose my future wedding dress, whereas I just wanted an evening white dress for the occasion, but which was NOT a wedding dress. I was so scared and traumatized that I had no other choice than to abide, and my mother was extremely menacing with me on that. Since I wasn’t deciding myself for the choice of my wedding dress, then she went to her stylist and made her sewing a wedding dress which didn’t fit on me at all, and which was totally of HER taste and totally contrasted with mine. Another torture I had to bear. Finally, two days before the preparations of the wedding day, I was very surprised when I heard my mother asking my future husband if it wasn’t too late to invite his brother and my sister-in-law to the Christian wedding, but when she invited them, they refused, since none of my in-laws, not even my husband’s parents, were invited. I started then finding that strange, because all this time I thought that only the non Hindus relatives and friends would be invited and I found it normal that my husband’s parents even wouldn’t be invited, to be honest. This is to prove how stupid, naive and immature I was. But when the Christian wedding and celebration took place, I was shocked when I was some of our neighbors who were invited to the wedding, and who all came from Hindu families! I was so disappointed that I refused to participate into the wedding party and preferred staying outside with my husband, playing with two little girls of my family instead of joining the rest of the guests. Each time the guests were going and coming with us, we were forced to smile to be polite, but the burden and the sorrow were too deep for us to be able to react. I was especially very sad for my husband because he was missing his parents and family and he was feeling very lonely. If only I could have told him the truth about the manipulations that my mother did in the way she arranged my marriage before that Christian marriage would take place, I would have done it since a very long time. Because of her fault, that Christian marriage and the civil marriage organized under separation of goods provoked a huge cyclone in the relationship between our families. In addition to all that mess, my in-laws feared that my husband, who was raised within a patriarchal family, would be influenced by my family and would even embrace Christianity, whereas not only does he have the right to do it, but he himself would never accept to embrace Christianity, and I totally approved his choice. I even fully stopped consuming bovine and porcine since I got engaged, since it was a promise I made him for not disturbing his religious beliefs as a Hindu, though I wasn’t yet decided to embrace Hinduism myself. I also regretted a lot having disobeyed to my in-laws so many times since I was influenced by my family very often. There was a period during which I didn’t have the right to see my husband before the marriage ceremony, but I disobeyed and I was even disrespectful to his uncle from France who had a total authority on the family during that period when he explained me the reasons behind it. I regretted what I did to him and tried hard to apologize with him but with a lot of pain since he was known to keep grudge for a lot of days before accepting to forgiving those who hurt him. But finally we reconciled and we are now in better terms and better understand each other, and he even tried to help me and to support me when the conflicts between our families arose.

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I also had my own part of responsibility and was punished for my rebellion and disobedience

Another point I regret was that I refused to fast during the wedding preparation. My maid, who was Hindu, told me that I was supposed to be strictly vegetarian because there were some rituals to be performed on me before the marriage would be pronounced religiously. But since I never believed in those rituals I disobeyed. My ignorance and rebellion went against me, even though I still accuse my mother, my father-in-law and my sister-in-law today. For the Haldi ceremony, which was supposed to be held on the evening before the wedding day, my mother refused me to apply the holy turmeric on me which is a ritual of purification made on the bride before her wedding day. She pretended that I would be uncomfortable sleeping on the floor and that I had to sleep on a comfortable bed to be in good shape for the ceremony, and she proposed that the Haldi would be performed very early in the morning of the wedding day with a couple of close relatives only. Since she was the one who commanded everything and that my father had no authority over her, no one could say anything and had to keep silent since each word against her would create a big mess and big trouble. I didn’t even doubt that behind that decision, something fishy was going on behind my back. It was years after that I came to discover, through my own survey, that the same lady, whom my mother called for her help with her black magic incantation, was the one together with my mother, who did some black magic incantation within the turmeric powder which was supposed to be blessed by all the married ladies as per the Hindu ritual, before being applied on me for the Haldi, so that once the turmeric powder would be applied on me, I would have never been able to conceive a child with my husband and then it would force my husband to leave me and divorce me! I don’t care if those who will read me through those lines will believe me or not, but I have the proofs, and those are things which unfortunately exist within a lot of Hindu families in Mauritius, since black magic is unfortunately within the mores of most families of Creole and Indian communities. But I can give you a proof that such things exists, since I was once offered by an extended cousin of my mother’s, who turned into a successful best-selling author after retirement, to proofread and edit a draft of one of his future books entitled “The Indian Turmeric”, in which a lady included some poison in the turmeric before having it applied on the groom, which would bring him directly to death. I don’t know whether the book has been published but if so, it is a proof on how people misuse such a sacred wedding element on newly married people. I also remember that on my wedding day, there was a jealous sister-in-law, who is one of my late cousin’s widow, who wanted to “correct” the vermilion that my husband applied on my head because it was messy on my head! By chance my father-in-law interfered on time, because she wasn’t supposed to do such a thing with me since that vermilion was blessed by the priest and that only my husband had the right to apply it on me during the ceremony. Finally, after the ceremony, as per the Hindu rituals, I was supposed to wear a red rope around my neck as a protection against evil eyes since there would be a lot of envious and jealous people who would create a mess in our wedding life during the first 40 days, which represents a very delicate period for the newly wed couple. The same sister-in-law tried to influence me to have it around my neck for 45 days, and I shared that detail with my in-laws, whom I was close enough to reveal that piece of information. God really wanted me to speak to them on that day, since my in-laws were very angry against my sister-in-law and said that I shouldn’t listen to her but listen to what the priest told me to do. I obeyed to my in-laws and kept the rope for 40 days as per their instructions. Just after the 40 days ended I went to Mauritius from Madagascar where I started living, for the yearly Pilgrimage of Maha Shivratri, which consisted of a fasting of several days for Lord Shiva, the Destroyer God in the Holy Hindu Trilogy after Brahma the Creator and Vishnu the Protector. After the pilgrimage we visited my mother-in-law’s family since I wanted to share with them some water from the Sacred lake of Ganga Talao in Mauritius where the prayers were made, since a legend certified, but since has to be proven, that a part of the waters from the Ganga River in India were spread within the Ganga Talao lake several centuries ago. Since my sister-in-law lived near my mother-in-law’s house, we saw her outside eating a piece of mango and having a break. We had no other choices than paying her a visit, since she saw us from afar and I noticed that she was observing whether the lace was still around my neck. But when she saw that it was no more there, I saw her face changing and I saw her so disappointed and deceived that I didn’t listen to her and then I guessed that she had some bad intentions against me to revenge against me, since there was a conflict between me and her daughter which caused that further to a part of truth I revealed to her daughter regarding some strange things which happened between my sister-in-law and her future daughter-in-law. Since that day, I totally distanced myself from her and her family and cut total contact from them all. My separation from that sister-in-law was from afar the first step out of my family forever.

For this, there is a second part I will relate you in another blog post, since it’s a very very long story, but which is worth to be shared and which is really shocking, on how a misconducted education from a narcissistic mother can destroy a daughter’s marriage life…

 

Autism and OCD should never be considered as mental health disease, but as the fruit of a trauma  caused by family, social and educational dysfunctions!

Every year,  my son and all his school my son and his school mates are asked to wear blue in solidarity to celebrate International Day of autism. I have heard a lot about Autism, but I never really paid attention about it, until I came to know more about a true story, the one of a new friend I recently acknowledged via a social platform and who became friends very quickly with me. I helped her resolving her problems by trying to analyse her situation together with her as an indication to help her better in her daughter’s recovery, and I came to understand that her daughter’s Autism and OCD should never be considered as a form of illness but rather as a form of long term trauma experimented by a mentally normal person, and which are also the consequences of bad experiences of the past faced since childhood.

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A couple of weeks earlier, I had the great pleasure to acknowledge a new friend living overseas. That friend of mine is married and has two beautiful children. However, one of them, a daughter, wasn’t living very well since she was suffering from Asperger’s Syndrome, also known as Autism and OCD. When my friend gave birth to one of her two children, a baby girl, she had to bond and love for her whatsoever. My friend got post natal depression, but by chance her mother came to meet her at her homeland to help her for a few months. Unfortunately, the more my friend’s daughter was growing up, the more she was starting to develop a strange behaviour, and at the age of 19 years old she was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and bad OCD. According to my friend, her daughter is very clever but is crippled with the OCD and cannot hold a job. Right now she is still living with her parents and my friend doesn’t think her daughter will be able to get married or to start a family. Recently, a cousin of my friend’s got married and the cousin’s family asked my friend to stay for the wedding but my friend didn’t. However, her daughter stayed over as she never witnessed a Hindu wedding for a long time and my friend, who is of Indian origin, felt it wasn’t fair to deprive her daughter of fun, even though my friend didn’t stay for a long time. But to come back on the Asperger’s Syndrome and OCD my friend’s daughter was suffering with, my friend explained that her daughter, due to that disease, was very reclusive. My friend tried so many treatments in the form of hypnosis, hypnotherapy, counselling, CBT for the OCD but nothing helped her daughter. My friend’s daughter getting older day by day and not getting better. She hoards a lot of things in her room and gets very angry when her parents clear her room. Day after day that illness cripples her and she can’t perform her daily activities like a normal person. Seeing her in such a state, my friend feels sad seeing her daughter sleeping like this and my friend feels that her daughter is being punished for no fault of her own.

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Unfortunately, my friend’s daughter’s illness caused some repercussions on her little family environment, and my friend even had to face a lot of misjudgements from her own family members, who never understood the truth behind her daughter’s illness, and who kept on making some nonsense conclusions without trying to dig deep inside the source of the problem. Whatever my friend noticed and experimented was that in her family, no one does even sympathise with that sort of illness and they think it could be avoidable. Moreover, her extended family members laugh at these types of illness and judge my friend and her family as parents. When her daughter went to my friend’s cousin’s wedding, most of the relatives noticed there was something wrong and even tried to pair my friend’s daughter up with someone with learning disability and suffering with Albino! Even though my friend’s daughter was still so young, her newly married cousin’s insane mother even dared asking my friend’s daughter’s hand for her son, whereas they are first degree cousins! That’s how in the family they all are without any compassion whatsoever. My friend cannot pray at all and everybody keeps on telling her that she should pray, but my friend has no more faith and she cannot bring herself to praying. She feels that God was never there for her when she was a child and that is why she cannot pray. However, her mother was very religious and so was her sister. What deceives her so much is how the extended family members are making such a deal out of her daughter’s illness and are even giving to that illness such a big label! My friend even related me that another cousin of hers once visited her at her place and gossiped with everyone that my friend’s daughter wasn’t right and that really upset my friend. One thing that none of the extended family members seem to understand is that people with Asperger’s are very clever people, and in her daughter’s case, she is haunted by the OCD that comes with her illness.

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In her own family environment, only my friend’s husband and son know about her daughter’s illness. According to her explanations, her daughter started showing signs when she was only 10 years old but she wasn’t diagnosed until she turned 19 years old. She really struggled at school as she didn’t get the right help, and according to my friend, has her daughter been diagnised earlier, she would have done better. Meanwhile, my friend and her little tribe are all suffering together as a family and it’s hard for them living with someone with Asperger’s Syndrome and OCD. My friend’s son has really been affected as well because my friend used to concentrate on her daughter all the time and her son had to do his own things at a very early age. Her husband always used to work nights and my friend was then left with two children on her own at night. It has been a very long and difficult journey but my friend managed. My friend’s husband and son get the full brunt of it when her daughter gets aggressive and they are all suffering together with this. Her daughter has been on medications for so long now and my friend feels that it’s time now to seek some alternative therapy for her. Since my friend herself is suffering from some heart problems, she needs to ensure she gets the right treatment now so that her daughter can lean an independent life one day when my friend is gone. My friend couldn’t help her much before since she was ill herself with all those demons inside her, and now she is feeling a little better and wants to go ahead with those alternative treatments. However, regarding her past, my friend never mentioned about it to her husband, since she doesn’t think her husband will understand nor support her. She even feels that he will put a blame on her family, claiming that they should have protected her and also he might blame my friend as well for not screaming, shouting and attracting attention. My friend knows him too well and even though her husband loves her, she doesn’t think she can give him this shock in this stage of his life. However she may tell the truth to her children very soon since they grew up adults now, and maybe that may help her daughter in some way in her recovery.

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For so many years, my friend had to live with those secrets for generations, and in addition to the abuse they had to bear since childhood, my friend and her sister even had to face misunderstandings, rejection and misjudgements from the other extended family members. One of my friend’s uncle, for example, together with the rest of the family, thinks that my friend is arrogant and snobbish, since they ignore what my friend had to put up when she was a child. None of my friend’s cousin, at the exception of one of them married to a foreigner, and who was abused during childhood by her father and her stepmother, had to endure what my friend endured during her own childhood. But there, even that abused cousin of hers, despite her tremendous past, doesn’t even want to understand my friend’s struggle since she concentrates too much on her own problems and acts only to satisfy her own ego. My friend wishes she could sue the whole family and hold them accountable for all her struggles, but she said she would never do this since she inherited her father’s kind nature. To come back on my friend’s cousin’s wedding, my friend witnessed her abusive uncle during the whole ceremony and couldn’t bear seeing him gloat and showing the appearance of a respectable person, while he was a pervert and a paedophile in the past. That uncle today is the father of two sons, whom my friend doesn’t talk to either, since she cannot stand any of them. My friend’s newly married cousin even recently added my friend on Facebook, but they have no interactions nor private messages. That same cousin is the other abusive uncle’s daughter and had been married to an insane and racist woman who used to say a lot of awful things to my friend when they were meeting each other because of my friend’s skin colour, since my friend is dark-skinned. But what the uncle’s wife will never understand is that, wherever my friend is living, even though she is fair skinned, she will be always considered as someone Black and never white. My friend is well surrounded wherever she is and all her colleagues, who are all White, love the colour of my friend’s skin, which she never got praise for within her own family, whose members are all the time obsessed with fair skin colour.

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My friend unfortunately came from a very insane family environment. She was living in poor conditions during her childhood, which made that her siblings, her parents and several other family members had to live in a same household together for years. Her father was the only one who was working very hard and assuring the welfare of the family. In addition to all he did in the household, he even did a lot for my friend’s aunt’s in-laws since he helped a lot into the construction of their house and in the inauguration of that new house of theirs. During the inauguration, my friend’s father had to entertain all the guests, since my friend’s grandfather, who was also living in the same household as my friend, was always under influence of alcohol and jobless. Another proof of his incredible kindness came on when one of his best friends rescued another of my friend’s aunt who was bedridden for a long period and was assisted by my friend and her family at my friend’s place during all her illness. My friend’s father’s best friend then took my friend’s aunt to a consultant psychiatrist and gave her only one Acapuncture treatment which saved her life forever! And before her miraculous recovery, my friend’s aunt couldn’t talk at all and my friend’s father’s best friend carried my friend’s aunt into his arms to his car and then she came back miraculously recovered.

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However, my friend’s father’s kindness also had its medal reverse. My friend had two matriarchal uncles who lived in the same household as her and who took advantage of my friend’s father’s kind nature and even dared abusing of my friend and of her sister! Unfortunately, my friend had to keep that burden secret and always act as if she was good mannered, since she was sentenced to silence by force by her uncles, who were real monsters towards her and her sister, but acted smart in front of the other family members! When my friend had that post natal depression after her daughter’s birth, she thought that she would get definitely relieved by revealing the whole truth to her parents. Unfortunately, those shocking and horrible revelations devastated her parents at such a point that this shock may perhaps have caused, as a consequence of that trauma, a heart disease of which her parents had been suffering from, and which made that my friend’s father died with a heart attack due to so much stress caused by that horrible shock, and that her mother has been ill for so many years. Those two uncles even opposed themselves into my friend’s aunt’s treatment, since they interpreted her illness as rheumatism and were totally against her being treated by a psychiatrist, but my friend’s father totally opposed himself to their decision and followed his good heart. As I mentioned before, my friend’s grandfather was under the influence of alcohol during the house inauguration of her other aunt’s in-laws. But it wasn’t only on that day that her grandfather was under influence of alcohol. As per what she related, he was always drunk and could never afford to get a good job to help in the household, which made that it was my friend’s father who had to assure everything for the food, shopping, etc. Because of so much kindness and generosity, those two bastards thought that they could do anything to my friend and her sister in return, since they were still kids and helpless. My friend even related me that after the housewarming party, while my friend was asleep, she was sharing the same bedroom as her mother’s youngest sister, who was deep asleep and her monstrous uncle came again in her bedroom and abused of her again. He tried on my friend again when she turned in her early twenties, but that time failed because my friend was older. Also, he never gave up on her and thought he would destroy my friend completely and make her never being able to marry someone. That trauma made that unfortunately, that bastard succeeded into partly destroying my friend, since although she is actually married she has never been able to love her husband dearly. She feels void and unable to give people lots of affection and love, as she was robbed of her childhood and innocence.

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In my friend’s family, like I mentioned before, they all have obsession for fair-skinned and rich people, and since my friend was dark-skinned and lived in miserable conditions as a child, she was always rejected and underestimated. My friend’s aunties tend to praise all my friend’s cousins with fair skin, but my friend doesn’t care since she is very happy with her dark skin and she doesn’t care of what her family could think about her. In addition to their obsession for fair skin, her family members are really megalomaniac. For example, the newly married cousin’s brother is settled overseas and his father made everyone thinking he was enrolled in the marine, whereas he was just doing a menial job as a servant, carpenter or something like that. I mentioned also about another of her cousins who was abused by her father and stepmother when she was just a child. That cousin is to be blamed, since she could have used of her own experience to sympathise with my friend, but she didn’t. That cousin was also married to a foreigner, but for a man, he seemed to be too talkative and gossiping. My friend suffered a lot about always being in the background within the family and unnoticed, at the exception of her auntie who was bedridden. My friend also has a granduncle who is still alive and who is the only Doctor of the family. That same granduncle had the courage, despite his old age, to climb all the stairs to the wedding ceremony of one of her cousins, only to please her cousin’s father and obviously the rest of the family. My friend’s extended relatives worship my father so much and she was even sure they were very grateful that her granduncle attended and participated in their happiness. But that discrimination made her so sad since her mother also worshipped that granduncle and that my friend and her family were always taught to respect him. My friend was always proud of her granduncle and even brought her family and children to his surgery a couple of years ago while she was off for holidays. My friend wanted to show off and her granduncle seemed quite pleased to see her, but she guessed it well: he never meant about his happiness! Neither my friend nor her sister could even attend their mother’s funeral since they had to do a long trip for that, since the funeral took place a couple of hours only after her death. According to my friend, her mother never wanted her body to be kept for a prolonged period of time, which made that my friend’s brother decided to go ahead with the funeral as soon as possible. Besides, my friend’s mother was on lots of medications prior to her death, so it wouldn’t have been fair to keep any longer. According to my friend, her mother had a very sad funeral and my friend was even sad that her granduncle, who was also her mother’s last surviving uncle, didn’t even attend her funeral, but she doesn’t care anymore since all her extended family members always stick together and that they never cared about her mother’s existence anyway. My friend cannot do anything about it and has to accept it in return. My friend remembers very well how those extended family members of hers were like parasites at weddings. They were particularly glued to her granduncle and his wife, especially two of her aunts who were always competing with each other for years to be at the front of the seats and sit as nearest possible to her granduncle’s wife. It was so annoying seeing all that for my friend and her relatives and they were then always at the back seats. But God compensated that rejection from my friend’s extended family, since now wherever she is working, she is surrounded with consultants at work and they all treat her like one of them with no discrimination whatsoever. But my friend hopes one day she will find the courage and strength to confront that abusive uncle of hers and ask him why he did all this to her and she hopes she is able to do that before she dies. The fact that her grandfather was under the influence of alcohol also had a link with those extended family members of hers, since two other of her uncles, when they were young, burnt her grandfather’s certificates and he could never retrace them since there were no spare copies, which made that he remained jobless and drowned within alcohol. My friend even shared with me how harsh one of those two uncles behaved towards her mother after her father’s funeral and how he and his family forced my friend’s brother demolishing all a wall he built because it only felt like fraction of an inch or whatever measurements it was in her uncle’s land. Because of that scandal, my friend’s brother lost a lot of money as a consequence to this demolition and it was that uncle who ordered him to demolish that wall.

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My friend’s story deeply touched me and also one morning, I decided to wake up very early to try to analyse her situation through some personal researches that I did and which would perhaps help her better resolving her problem. I referred her to an article that I retraced for her, relating the story of Jon Adams, a British artist who has been suffering from Asperger Syndrome. That man had the same problem as my friend’s daughter, but on a longer period. According to what I understood through that article, that man was all the time belittled and bullied at school because he was suffering from Asperger Syndrome but not one, and not even his teacher did understand him and they all belittled him for what he is. But one day a psychotherapist made a test with him with white objects to be assembled together, but Jon was unable to do it. Then the psychotherapist, instead of misjudging Jon like his teachers did with him at school, pronounced the magic words which helped him into starting his recovery: “You are an intellectual but with autism spectrum”. The word “Intellectual” was the word which was more than enough to relieve Jon and then helping him to start his journey into recovery against autism. Regarding my friend’s daughter, I think that I guessed what happened in the past for her: My friend was so traumatised by the heaviness of that burden within her that to get relieved, and this without wanting it since she sincerely loved her daughter, she relieved herself by screaming on her daughter all the time and maybe by telling her all sorts of words that made her daughter losing total confidence within herself. I can understand my friend on that point since myself I did the same mistake for so many years with my young son because of all the frustrations that I had because of being myself an abused child. But I reassured my friend that it was never too late. I don’t know if one day my friend will have the courage to do it, but I strongly advised her to get in touch with Jon Adams and to share with him whatever her daughter is passing through, without mentioning about her tumultuous past with her abusive uncles since Jon Adams was total stranger to her. I also advised her to try to retrace the contact details of the psychotherapist who saved Job to be able to save her daughter since she was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and that she didn’t receive the necessary cures to recover. According to me, that article about Jon Adams’s experience is from far the best remedy for my friend to know better about her daughter’s illness. I am not a doctor but according to me, Asperger Syndrome is a sort of mental TRAUMA (and NOT ILLNESS) that a lot of people face and which are the results of negative relationships with family or society such as bullying at school, family dysfunctional education, etc. In my friend’s case it’s her own trauma which made that she had no one to understand her and that everyone misjudged her without even trying to understand the true reason behind her problem. That made that my friend has been accumulating too much anger and frustration within herself, since she was forced to remain into her silence and that she then took her own daughter as her scapegoat and then had the impression to have unfairly forced her daughter to bear that heavy burden at my friend’s place to allow my friend being fully relieved. If her daughter has so much anger within her, it’s because she feels that she is a mistake from Mother Nature, whereas in reality she is not, she feels that she is ugly, whereas in reality she is very beautiful etc. In her mind, my friend’s daughter’s mind is full of questions to which she was never able to find the correct answers: Why me? What did I do to deserve that? Am I a deception for my mother and for my family? Etc. I advised my friend to leave her actual environment as soon as possible either alone with her daughter, or together with her whole family, to a quiet place in case her husband and her son would be comprehensible enough to participate into that therapy for her daughter. I advised my friend at first to reassure her daughter and to tell her how much she, as her mother, loves her with every beat of her heart, that even doing mistakes isn’t a sin and is part of human nature, and that most of all her daughter is the best thing which ever happened in my friend’s life and made of her proud of being a mother. My friend needs to tell her daughter how beautiful and clever she is.

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However, after I counselled her, I dared swearing against an aunt of my friend’s with very harsh and bold words in my pidgin which made her laughing to the core 🙂 I especially blamed that aunt, since she saw my friend’s daughter’s state and gossiped with the whole family that the girl wasn’t normal. Whom does that lady take herself for? A psychologist? Why should she talk rubbish against my friend’s daughter without even knowing what my friend’s daughter is really suffering from, whereas my friend’s aunt has a daughter whom she never cares about and who is still single and living with her parents despite being in her early thirties? Another detail pricked me, and it concerned my friend’s uncle’s sister-in-law from Italy, who had a son with Albino and suffering disability, with whom the extended family members dared comparing my friend’s daughter with, stipulating that her daughter had the same symptoms as him! How dare would the extended family members compare my friend’s daughter with my friend’s uncle’s sister-in-law’s son with learning disability and albino, whereas my friend’s daughter’s case is completely different from the case of that other person like night and day? What pricked me more was that this lady from Italy met my friend and her daughter at my friend’s cousin’s wedding a couple of years ago. She saw my friend’s daughter and came over to ask my friend’s mother for my friend’s daughter’s hand for marriage! My friend’s mother went berserk as first of all, she didn’t like they were insinuating that my friend’s daughter was handicapped and could marry someone who is like that, and the second point was that my friend’s mother didn’t want to get involved with my friend’s uncle’s family. Then I tried to reassure my friend with the best words possible: Her daughter is 200% normal, she isn’t handicapped at all, nor mad, nor retarded nor anything of that sort. She has just been traumatised by all what she had been passing through since she was born.

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But what made me especially horrified in my friend’s story was the way they considered her skin colour among her extended family members and their incredible obsession for dark skinned people. Before that, I did some researches about the OCD through that article which I shared with her, and since she mentioned a lot about the skin colour obsession from the extended family members of hers. I didn’t delay myself on the symptoms of OCD nor on the treatments to prescribe since I am convinced that no medical prescription would be useful to treat such a disease, but instead I made up my mind that maybe the OCD had a link with that racial discrimination she had to face within the family and even maybe at school too. Also, in case I would have guessed about the true reason behind the OCD, I proposed her a very inspirational article about Bollywood actress Nandita Das and her activism into making Indian people accepting themselves with their dark skin through her campaign “Dark is Beautiful”. Myself I am fair skinned, but I have half siblings who are all dark skinned. But NEVER EVER have I once made the distinction among people with different skin colours, though my mother was all the time obsessed when it came on skin colour. My mother is of Creole origins, and among her siblings she is the only one who was born fair skinned, but since she was fair-skinned, she stipulated everywhere that she was a White and that she was born in a purely White family! Even in my friend’s family all the cousins are categorised in the same way because of their fair skin colour! Even in my in-laws’ family they are obsessed with skin colour, since all the patriarchs are obsessed with the idea of marrying fair skinned ladies, whereas they have a niece who is dark-skinned and who is very beautiful and intelligent with her dark skin! But as I mentioned to my friend, DARK is BEAUTIFUL and DARK is the colour of our ANCESTORS. Our very first Ancestors appeared in Ancient India in two of its famous ancient dynasties from the Indus Valley, Harappa and Mohenjo Daro. As per some sources discovered, their people were Dravidians, and that article stipulates that the Dravidians were the very first Indians who appeared in the Indian Peninsula, especially since those first people were dark skinned, and this before being invaded by the Aryan people being invaded by the Aryan people. That is why there are so many fair skinned people in India, and what is sad is that nowadays Indians reject the dark skin colour, which is the PURE colour of Indian people, and instead praise the fair skin which is a mixed colour between pure Indian people and Aryan people. Through that example I wanted to reassure my friend, since she was of Indian origin and dark skinned, on how her family proved her wrong regarding her dark skin colour and that it was a real bliss for her to be dark skinned. I also stipulated her that maybe her daughter would feel more confident with herself with her dark skin if my friend shared that experience with her regarding her dark skin. I even sent her that link on the English Writings of Dravidian poet Rabindranath Tagore so that she would have a clue on how he considers the Dravidian people.

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The illustration above, which I also shared with my friend, is a proof on how Autism should be considered and on how people are wrong regarding the signs of Autism considering Autism as an illness instead of considering it as a way of being different and seeing things differently from “normal people”. To conclude I advised my friend to read that article stipulating 10 Things people with Autism want you to know, as another proof that Autism is a way of being different and not a mental disorder or illness.

I hope that through all that exercise of communication and researches, I succeeded into bringing into my friend’s life at least a little ray of light of hope so that she would know about what to do next for her daughter as well as for herself. That article stipulates how autism is caused within children because of mental illness from one or both his parents. But in my friend’s case, there is no mental illness, but rather mental trauma caused by the heavy silence she had to bear on her traumatic experience.